Hayden Brown, Human Behaviour Specialist

Sometimes people will support your vision…

Until you actually start becoming the person you said you wanted to be.

Because your actions and success might hold a mirror in front of themselves where they have to see the guilt of them not taking the action.

🎧 BREAKTHROUGH — Episode 13: Overcoming Tall Poppy Syndrome: New Zealand’s Struggle

How often do you hold yourself back... even when you know you're capable of more?

Why do you 'play small' or hesitate to pursue what you really want because of what other people might think?

In Episode 13, Greg and I explore the psychology behind 'Tall Poppy Syndrome' and how fear of judgment, criticism... and even success itself can keep us stuck.

Many people want more from life.

More impact.
More opportunities.
More fulfilment.

Yet at the same time, fearing what might happen if they actually stand out.

The result?

They minimise themselves.
Avoid visibility.
Second-guess their decisions.
And never fully pursue what they know they're capable of.

In this episode, we unpack:

• why success can feel threatening to both you and others
• how fear of judgment influences decisions and behaviour
• why people often sabotage themselves before others get the chance to criticise them

👉 If you've ever found yourself:

• worrying about what others might think if you succeed or stand out
• feeling guilty for wanting more from life, business, or your career
• struggling with self-promotion, visibility, or putting yourself out there

👉 This episode will help you:

• overcome tall poppy syndrome
• identify the fears and beliefs that may be keeping you stuck
• begin taking action from purpose and values instead of fear and approval-seeking

🎧 Full episode out now: Episode 13 – Overcoming Tall Poppy Syndrome: Why Fear of Judgment Keeps You Playing Small

I recently had the pleasure of joining Petra Bagust on Sunday Sanctuary

We spoke about self-discipline, building consistency, and how aligning your expectations with your true values leads to more sustainable change.

Thanks for the great conversation, Petra.

One of the reasons your patterns are so hard to break...

is because they're "working" or giving you some form of emotional payoff or relief.

At least in the short term.

Checking your partner's phone.
Seeking reassurance.
Overthinking...

The obvious costs are easy to see.

What people often miss are the unconscious benefits:

Temporary relief.
Reassurance from your partner.
A brief sense of certainty and control...

The actual problem is that whilst these behaviours can offer short-term relief, they actually reinforce the fear itself in the long term.

🎧 BREAKTHROUGH — Episode 12
“How Do I Stop Fear Of Abandonment From Controlling My Life?”

How much of your life is being shaped by fear…
without you even realising it?

Nicki asks:
“How do I stop fear of abandonment from controlling my life?”

After years of trauma, loss, and emotional pain, Nikki found herself stuck in patterns of self-sabotage, emotional eating, overthinking, and self-doubt.

In this episode, we explore the connection between past trauma, fear of abandonment, and the self-sabotaging behaviours that often keep us stuck.

Many of the patterns we judge in ourselves aren’t random.

They’re often coping strategies that were designed to protect us from pain.

The challenge is that what once protected us can eventually start limiting us.

👉 If you’ve ever found yourself:

• repeating self-sabotaging behaviours you can’t seem to break
• struggling with emotional eating, overthinking, or avoidance
• losing your sense of self after trauma or a painful relationship

👉 This episode will help you:

• understand the connection between past trauma and self-sabotage
• recognise how fear of abandonment may be influencing your life and relationships
• begin rebuilding a stronger sense of self based on your values instead of your fears

🎧 Full episode out now

Most people never overcome their self-sabotaging behaviours because they're asking themselves the wrong questions...

Instead, try asking:

"What benefits am I getting from staying in this pattern?"

Or:

"What fear...or emotion is this pattern helping me avoid?"

Because every pattern serves a protection based purpose

Especially the ones that stop you from reaching your full potential...

Because being all that you could be, can be a confronting idea!

🎧 BREAKTHROUGH — Episode 12
“How Do I Stop Fear Of Abandonment From Controlling My Life?”

One of the biggest traps is judging yourself against other people's values and priorities.

I spent years wanting to fit in with people I thought I should be like...

Looking back, many of those people weren't even living a life I even wanted.

Yet so much of my self-worth was tied to being accepted by them.

This is why it's so important to understand who you are, what you value, and what truly gives you your sense of purpose.

Because trying to live by someone else's priorities is a recipe for imposter syndrome.

🎧 BREAKTHROUGH — Episode 11
“Why Do I Feel Like An Imposter?”

One of the biggest killers of connection in a relationship...

is feeling like you have to carry everything on your own.

The fears, worries, insecurities...

"I don't want to burden others..."
"I'll deal with it myself."
"It's not a big deal."

But I've found that every time I choose to share what's really going on,

it doesn't just help me...

it strengthens the connection in the relationship.

Sometimes being heard is more powerful than being fixed.

Imposter syndrome and self-doubt are often less about your ability...

and more about the mask or "persona" you unconsciously create and wear trying to fit in or be someone you're not.

In college, like many people, I spent years wanting to fit in with people who actually valued completely different things to me.

Meanwhile, I was overlooking and minimising the very things I loved and was good at: strategy card games (the origins of my love for problem-solving) and entrepreneurship.

The irony?

To become the person I thought I needed to be for others, I would have actually had to give up the very things that were most fulfilling and purposeful to me.

Judging yourself against the values and priorities of others is a recipe for creating self-doubt and negative self-talk...

And eventually, self-sabotage... as you unconsciously look for relief (or to escape) from the pressures and fear of judgement that you have unknowingly compounded through not living from your own values first.

Instead, judge yourself against your own highest priorities.

And whether your daily actions are aligned with what you value most.

🎧 BREAKTHROUGH - Episode 11
“Why Do I Feel Like An Imposter?”