Parenting H.Q.

16/11/2022

Hey lovely ones . Just letting you know that I will no longer be posting on this page . But you can still reach out and follow me along on Dads HQ fb and instagram . Dads HQ is the home of the blokes book and a place of support for not just Dads but the whole family . After all a child needs as many loving adults as they can have right?

Cath ❤️

16/11/2022

Hey lovely ones . Just letting you know that I will no longer be posting on this page . But you can still reach out and follow me along on Dads HQ and I so hope you do . Dads HQ is the home of the blokes book and a place of support for not just Dads but the whole family . After all a child needs as many loving adults as they can have .

Cath ❤️

https://www.facebook.com/DadHeadquarters/

Men's Health advocates and navigators. Home of The Blokes Book.

17/08/2022

What a beautiful response ❤️

https://www.facebook.com/100044333294365/posts/651103813044056/?d=n

UPDATE: You can download a free PDF of this post here: https://rebeccasparrow.com/free-resources/

*****

Ask me anything.

That's what I say every month to the 12-14 year olds in our Bluestockings Society online book club. We read a different book every month and they also do cooking, a bit of yoga or meditation and I do an Ask Me Anything with them on Zoom once a month. (Find more info here on the Bluestockings https://rebelreaders.com.au/bluestockings/ )

The questions are pretty much always about friendship.

🔹 My best friend from primary school has gone off with a new girl and now I'm alone.

🔹 My two best friends keep teasing me calling me skinny and making fun of the fact I haven't got my period yet.

🔹 This one girl in my friendship group keeps slapping me. How do I tell her to stop?

🔹I hang out in a group of three but the other two girls keep ganging up on me.

🔹 A new girl has joined our group and she's a bit annoying and show-offy. We don't want to be mean but how do we ask her to stop hanging with us?

It's interesting. I get that last question quite a lot. Some form of "this new person has joined our group and we don't want them there ..."

Not so long ago a parent emailed me asking for advice about her daughter who was struggling having a new person joining their group. This new girl wasn't causing trouble, it was more that she was quiet and a bit boring and didn't share any of their interests.

Here's what I wrote back ....

*****

I just want to acknowledge how hard this is. It's really really hard. But here's the thing ... there will come a time in your daughter's life when she is the person who is looking for a safe harbour. It might not be when she's at school. It might be at an out of school club. At university. A job. As a school mum. But a time will come when she is just trying to find a place to sit. Those moments - which happen to all of us at some point - are excruciating and painful and lonely.

If the toughest thing that your daughter goes through during her schooling years is having a girl she doesn't gel with sit with her group -- then she's pretty much won high school in my books. I understand she wants to be with her friends and share those in-jokes and private conversations ... I get it. I really do. And I don't want to dismiss your daughter's feelings of discomfort. But can she remember a time when she felt alone and needed somewhere to sit?

I think it's actually a tiny sacrifice to include this girl who - trust me - KNOWS she doesn't fit in or belong.

Make space. We want to teach our kids to sit in horseshoes not circles - as Glennon Doyle says. We want the fallback position to always be -- we have room for one more. And we will include you with good grace rather than through gritted teeth.

Trust me -- I know how hard that can feel at 13 or 14 or 15.

My guess is that this will be a short term thing. This girl will hang out with your daughter's group until she eventually finds a place that is her natural fit. Until then, try to welcome her. And focus on what positive qualities she brings with her rather than zooming in on how she doesn't fit.

High school is the long game. And the power of kindness must never be underestimated.

12/08/2022

Great read . It’s defined getting tough to survive financially with a double income and it’s near impossible on just one!

https://www.1news.co.nz/2022/08/09/current-systems-failing-single-parents-advocate/?fbclid=IwAR3nnjcbq5z0qB4r0eX9kWlCn3vrJhYHdjGyD8xO1GO6noW1ObD2VkcjL6Y_aem_AXRYjjHlOfO3rFdWn6yQvCpBtIYyyleu-KYOljxj-TamHS-4TZeKg-CPOSKSuXTsAVM1MwY2Fs7qH2trSC7Ox8y-phJJGUbiHu7Ugn93GukByPXmjld_Wo22BOWqhjNj7SQ&fs=e&s=cl

Tania Dommet says single parents' experiences need to be listened to and their treatment needs to improve.

08/08/2022

“You can’t teach remorse but you can teach shame and guilt”…..

https://www.facebook.com/100044509866475/posts/601741514652839/?d=n

“Children who are apologized to, learn how to apologize.” J. Milburn ⁣
⁣
I am asked quite frequently how we teach children to feel remorse. I don’t think we really teach remorse, I think it’s intrinsic. I think we can be taught shame and guilt which looks a lot like remorse but is much harder on us from a psychological perspective. Offering genuine apologies to your children, letting them see you apologize with grace and humility, when you hurt someone else, is how we teach what to DO with our feelings of remorse. They will experience feelings of remorse, it’s what meaning they make of it, what they do with it. Do they feel so much shame they shut down, struggle to express their remorse? Do they become a puddle of shame, apologizing and apologizing, fearing upsetting others? Or do they feel and then express genuine remorse? Able to move on… rupture and repair. ⁣
⁣
To learn more about the process of rupture and repair, get my latest E 📖 book⁣
⁣
Finding Your Calm: A Responsive Parents Guide to Self-Regulation and Co-Regulation⁣
⁣
Link in bio or on the Website: responsiveparentinginspirations.com⁣
⁣

31/07/2022

Most couples end up arguing over non legal decisions about their kids!

Things such as haircuts, extra curricular activities, discipline , diet.

With a good parenting plan in place and a little extra support around communication these issues can be sorted and help keep all decisions kid centric .

Need support with a parenting plan that works then reach out !

29/07/2022

Do you have trouble getting info about school things?

Miss the school photo day , cross country or perhaps not getting a school report as it keeps going to the other parent and they do not pass it on ?

Here’s some helpful tips

1.
Go and speak to the teacher and let them know that your child lives in two homes .

2.
Check in with the office and let them know as well and also make sure the school has your contact deets.

3.
Sign up for the school newsletter

4.
Follow your child’s school on social media so you can keep up with what’s happening

5.
Be active in your child’s school , think about volunteering, school trips , or the PTA

If you would like more ideas or support then get in touch ..here to help you in your parenting journey !

26/07/2022

Power struggles with your strong willed kiddo happening at your place? We get it and it’s exhausting . You got things to do and places to be and the kiddo is like no no nope nah!

You get mad , kiddo digs in , punishments get handed out , timeouts given and you both are left feeling exhausted and late!

So here is another way ..,

You are sitting having your weeties , kiddo throws a handful at the cupboard . You say “ go pick it up” . Kiddo says “ No” . You start with the ultimatums…”if you don’t I will blah blah. “. The battle begins ..

Instead try this .

Nothing . Yup say and do nothing . Finish your brekkie then when you are ready casually say .. “can you please pick up the blob of weeties here is cloth…thanks “.

Give it a go .

20/07/2022

Very true . We always learn far more from the people who take the time to know and love us . Then when we are corrected it becomes a teachable lesson that we hold onto for life . Not a “telling off or punishment “ that leaves a scar on our heart ❤️

14/07/2022

Teenagers and Risky Behaviour.

Do you have a teen that is always getting into trouble and risky behaviour? Well it’s really easy just to put it down to brain development - right? The brain is under its final construction or require and temporary the logic side is off line?

Well while there is definitely truth in that what also needs to be understood is that not all teens are participating in risky behaviour. There are other reasons that influence our teens and we need to consider all of them when trying to figure out the why?

I know it’s a tough time to parent through but keep your love on . Our teens need us in their lives more than ever as they navigate their way through.

Hugs to you wonderful mamas & papas
Cath ❤️

14/07/2022

You do not have to be dragged into a disrespectful conversation in your co parenting journey .

Get up take a break . Step away .

Close off the phone, the lap top . Find some ways to bring yourself back to your calm . Go outside , check in on your breath , make a herbal tea.

Reply when you feel calm .

11/07/2022

Wise words from an American Judge !

Thanks Sillars 📸