Eclipse Family Violence Services

13/09/2026

Rapt to be speaking at Ripple Effect Conference 2026 in Tauranga on the 15th & 16th of October, with such phenomenal humans. Last year in Oamaru was incredible with representation from across the FVSV sectors.

Information is available and registrations are now open at https://lnkd.in/eVcxgHXr discounted tickets available until the 25th September

08/09/2026

Another familicide has struck Aotearoa New Zealand - Rotorua - 2 children and their māmā I continue to wonder WHY, just WHY, WHY is this happening?

Last night I had a mutually tearful conversation with a wāhine that I honour and respect with everything I have. We just cried and grieved together and felt the soul deep sadness of the reality of another family gone. We talked about the need for a world with love in it, and if we couldn't love, at least engage kindness.

This video came up on my feed last night and it reiterated all we had talked about - we need to love, we need to care, we need kindness, we need empathy and compassion, and we need to lead with our hearts. This video is the epitome of all of that.

As Princess Diana stated, “I think every strong women in history has had to walkdown a similar path, and I think it’s the strength that causes the confusion and the fear, why is she strong, where does she get it from, where is she taking it, where is she going to use it?”

I have no doubt in my mind that our lost māmā did everything in her power, used every essence of her strength, to protect herself and her children in the face to violence and abuse, fear and entrapment. May she and her precious babies rest deeply and safely in arms that will never harm her.

Strength is not be about being strong enough to kill your family, it is about being strong enough to protect them."

Today my heart hurts, but I will never stop striving, and I will always lead with my heart whether people like it or not. It is my purpose.

Princess Diana will always be remembered as a symbol of compassion,...

07/09/2026

Very proud to have supported the development of this tool with Medical Sexual Assault Clinicians Aotearoa

They did the hard yards I was just honoured to be asked to have input, and discussed the importance of seeing restriction of breath and circulation can involve tactics beyond strangulation, and even strangulation can occur in many ways

ECLIPSE Family Violence Services we have an acronym SSESS to highlight testriction of breath modalities
S - Strangulation
S - Suffocation
E - External pressure
S - Submersion
S - Stuffing

Thank you MedSac for truly honouring my feedback and the voice of lived experience.

MEDSAC is Aotearoa New Zealand’s expert body in sexual assault and non-fatal strangulation and/or suffocation (NFSS) medicine. We lead the development and maintenance of medical, ther**eutic, and forensic best practice standards to advance care for individuals affected by these forms of harm. We d...

07/09/2026

Death of a Pastors Wife is the epitome of coercive control, if you haven't seen it on Netflix please watch it.

Relational Coercion
- gaslighting
- sexual coercion and abuse
- emotional coercion
- psychological coercion
- chemical coercion
- tracking
- survellience
- monitoring
- physical coercion
- beauty coercion
- technological/digital coercion
- religious coercion
- medical coercion
- etc etc etc

Group coercion
- congregation coercion
- religious coercion
- biblical coercion
- third party coercion

Systemic Coercion
- police systemic coercion
- mental health systemic coercion
- legal coercion

She tried to be heard, but a part from a couple of people, everyone believed the predominant aggressor, he was a pastor, trusted, in a position of power, a leader of people

How could this man be an abuser?

He was a good man, a good husband, a good pastor and God fearing.

It is time to change our myth based thinking about family violence. When it is intentional it is coercive control.

Perpetrators of coercive control have no demographic, and their actions often result in death - homicide, su***de, homicide-su***de and familicide.

It is time for change Aotearoa New Zealand, coercive control is a crime and we need to stand up and own that.

01/09/2026

I am excited to be presenting at the DECULT conference in October https://decult.net/conference-2026/ as the Founder of ECLIPSE Family Violence Services

Coercive control is a social crisis, it occurs in the context of family and sexual violence, and within structured groups such as cults. It intentionally entraps victims and it is now time to center this issue and truly begin to discuss how we can ensure the tens of thousands of victims in Aotearoa are seen and heard.

Thank you for the invitation DECULT I am beyond excited to share knowledge from a lived experience perspective woven together with practice, process, policy knowledge, including international cross jurisdictional lessons learnt about the criminalisation of coercive control to ensure our foundations for change are strong and safe.

The Speakers list is available via this link https://decult.net/conference-2026/speakers/

more coming soon

27/08/2026

I love it when our young people are not afraid to front the big issues. Please see the petition started by a group of young people at Hauraki Plains College, Thames to address and amend the heteronormative categorisation of r**e.

"We are wanting to redefine section 128 of the Crimes Act 1961 ...

Our group has selected the legal definition of r**e in New Zealand. In Section 128 of the Crimes Act 1961, the law states that women can not r**e, and more specifically, a man can not be r**ed by a woman. This section states, “Person A r**es person B if person A has sexual connection with person B, effected by the pe*******on of person B’s genitalia by person A’s pen*s…”

We believe this definition may be derogatory and dehumanising. Our mission is to create change in the Crimes Act 1961 by redefining r**e in New Zealand to be more inclusive. Currently, men and women who were 'r**ed' by a woman are told they were victims of "unlawful sexual connection"; however, this can be extremely demeaning and harm the victims' mental health if their traumatic experiences are undermined by by the law. At this point, Sweden, the United States, South Africa and Bhutan have used the term 'r**e' as gender neutral in their legislation ...

Make the term 'r**e' gender-neutral in New Zealand

23/08/2026

Demand for ethnic women’s refuge support nearly doubles in two years - “Shakti Women's Refuge has provided more than 7000 overnight spaces over the past two years, almost double the roughly 3600 spaces it provided in the preceding two-year period.

The organisation opened a third safe house in Auckland last month as it continues to see women and children seeking support, including women who face additional challenges because of their immigration status.”

An ethnic women's refuge organisation says demand for its safe houses has nearly doubled over the past two years, with women facing increasingly complex barriers to getting help.

23/08/2026

Children as young as 7 seeking help as Youthline calls reach record high – “Youthline says it's reached record levels, connecting an average of four young people every day with emergency services because they were at immediate risk of harm over the past six months. Just a few years ago, that figure was closer to one a week.”

One of the country's main crisis helplines says more children than ever before are seeking help - some as young as seven years old.

26/07/2026

RECOGNISE | RESPOND | SUPPORT
Practical workplace responses to stalking released after stalking became a stand alone criminal offence.

Equipping workplaces with guidance and tools to support employees experiencing stalking

“Stalking is a pattern of targeted and unwanted behaviours that cause fear or distress. Stalking can happen in person, online and through the use of technology. Some behaviours may seem minor or trivial in isolation or be seen as subtle; however, harm can build up over time when behaviours are rep...

20/07/2026

Stalking, Surveillance and Monitoring Guidance – including for Pets

Debbs recently contributed to a story through The Herald, that highlighted the prevalence of devices used to stalk, surveil, and monitor victims of family violence.

This story provided some fantastic advice to support tech safety, while also providing some additional considerations for our fur-babies/pets.

https://www.eclipsefamilyviolenceservices.co.nz/post/stalking-surveillance-and-monitoring-guidance-including-for-pets