Michelle Foster ADHD Coach

Ever wondered why “Maybe” isn’t that helpful for children with ADHD.

Children with ADHD often struggle with uncertainty and impulse control. So when we say “maybe” instead of a clear yes or no, it can actually make things harder for them.

“Maybe” leaves the door open. To a child with ADHD, that might sound like “yes… eventually,” which can trigger constant questions, bargaining, or meltdowns when it doesn’t go their way. It’s just to fluffy and a grey area.

Instead:

💥If it’s a yes, say yes with clear boundaries
💥If it’s a no, say no and hold the line (with empathy)
💥If you’re unsure, say: “I’m not ready to decide right now. I’ll tell you after [a set time].”

Clear communication builds trust and helps them feel safe, even when they don’t get the answer they want.

Have you ever wondered why kids with ADHD don't respond to traditional parenting or discipline?

Kids with ADHD aren’t being defiant when they forget, interrupt, or have meltdowns. Their brains are wired differently, which means traditional discipline often misses the mark.

When we shift from punishment to support, we create opportunities to teach them vital skills—like managing emotions, controlling impulses, and following through.

ADHD kids don’t need harsher consequences. They need more understanding, and tools that actually work for their unique brains.

❤️Punishments don't teach lagging skills
❤️Yelling overwhelms their nervous system and causes them to shut down
❤️Timeouts isolate them instead of helping.

In knowing this, what small changes could you make to embrace your child's unique brain and work with it not against.

Parent Support group commencing in April for parents of children with ADHD. See post for more details or get in touch. Sessions are free.

What are Executive Function Skills?

Executive Function’s can be thought of as the CEO of the brain. They are responsible for all the skills we need to execute a task like planning, organisation, task initiation, time management, working memory, emotional regulation and focus.

Let me give you an example. Imagine you are planning a dinner for 6 guests. What steps would you follow to ensure the dinner party was a success?

You would need to plan out the menu (planning), create a shopping list (working memory & organisation), decide a time to go to the supermarket (time management), purchase the ingredients (focus), deal with the frustration that maybe an ingredient wasn’t at the supermarket (emotional regulation), decide when you will start cooking (prioritising and future thinking), cook the food (task initiation), set the table.

There, you have just used your executive function skills to plan your dinner party. This is a simple process if you have good executive function skills but what if you have a unique ADHD brain, a brain where your executive functioning skills are up to 30% delayed?

The pre-frontal cortex of Children with ADHD, the area of the brain where Executive Function skills are, is up to 30% delayed, that’s 2-3 years behind peers.

The good news is that Executive Function skills can be taught. Get in touch with me to see how I can help you or your child build their toolbox of skills.

I can’t stress this enough. By emphasising these aspects, you can get your child more on board. Rather than just pushing for what you want, think about how interested your child is in the task. They need to see what’s in it for them. The most motivation comes from the child wanting to do things for their own reasons. Have open conversations to discover what interests and engages their brain 🧠.

In Te reo Māori, ADHD is referred to as “Aroreretini”, meaning ‘attention goes to many things’. Who loves this meaning? ❤️

Imperative Language Vs Declarative Language

Imperative Language is a sentence or question that demands a response. It has a right and wrong answer with a compliance or non-compliance demand attached.

Many people with ADHD tend to perceive every imperative as a threat. The perceived threat of imperative language can be so intense and shut down a response.

Declarative Language is a statement that doesn't demand a response. It's an observation, devoid of pressure and most importantly, it invites the listener to engage in problem solving. Declarative language, without judgement, sparks curiosity, cueing the listener to stand back and act without the weight of right or wrong. It is a powerful tool for individuals with ADHD, it minimises defensiveness and stirs curiosity.

An example might be:-

"Can you feed the dog" (Imperative Language) Vs "The dog looks hungry" (Declarative Language).

"Pick up your wet towel off the floor"(Imperative Language) Vs "There is a wet towel on the floor" (Declarative Language).

Try using Declarative Language for the special person in your home, classroom or workplace. Believe me, you will get good results once it is routinely used.

Unique ADHD brains require different types of stimulation to release dopamine for engagement and motivation.

Importance, rewards and consequences just do not light up that area of the brain well enough.

Sprinkle in a bit of novelty, interest, challenge, curiosity, extreme urgency or emergency and you will see functional levels of engagement.

“When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, NOT the flower” - Alexander den Heijer.

ADHD individuals may not always be able to adapt to an environment, but it is possible for individuals with ADHD and their support systems to alter the environment to meet the needs of their particular brain wiring. When a person can do that, they can be more of who they really are. The more supportive a school and workplace environment is, the less likely a person with ADHD will need other supports.