Coach Ange

I absolutely love this. No is a complete sentence. Setting reasonable boundaries for your time/space/energy is entirely appropriate. Other people do not get to assume access to these things from you without asking first, AND being prepared to hear the answer no. It's a full sentence.

MA’AM, YOUR PLANE TICKET DIDN’T INCLUDE MY FU***NG SEAT.

Yesterday morning, I made my flight by the skin of my teeth.

I finally got on the plane, sat down in coach, and there was already a bag under the seat in front of me.

It belonged to the woman sitting next to me.

She told me:

I hope you don’t mind. I took both spots because I have important work to do and I don’t want to have to get up to get my other bag.

I told her I did mind.

I purposely travel with ONE backpack.

No roller bag. No checked luggage.

One backpack.

I do that specifically because I want it under the seat in front of me where I can easily access it during the flight.

Her response?

Well, you’re in the aisle. You can just stand up and get yours.

Wait.

YOU don’t want to stand up to get your bag…

so your solution is that I should have to stand up to get mine?

From the space in front of MY seat?

I told her I was going to call the flight attendant.

She moved her bag.

And then came the attitude.

Apparently the problem wasn’t that she had taken something that wasn’t hers to take.

The problem was that I said no.

And THAT is what stuck with me.

Because this really wasn’t about an airplane seat.

It was about entitlement.

More specifically, it was about something I’ve noticed more and more lately:

People have gotten really fu***ng bad at hearing the word NO.

She could have asked me.

Hey, would you mind putting your backpack overhead so I can keep both of mine down here?

Maybe I would have said yes.

Maybe I would have said no.

But she didn’t ask.

She made the decision FOR me and then explained how I could inconvenience myself to accommodate it.

There’s a huge difference.

Asking recognizes that the other person has a choice.

Entitlement assumes you’ve already made the choice for them.

And I see versions of this everywhere.

Someone wants your time, so they think you owe them your time.

Someone wants your attention, so they think you owe them a response.

Someone needs a favor, so somehow you’ve already been volunteered.

Someone wants access to you, so they get offended when you don’t give it to them.

Someone thinks their schedule is more important than yours, so you’re expected to rearrange yours.

Someone wants you somewhere, so I don’t feel like going suddenly requires a fu***ng congressional hearing.

And when you finally say no?

YOU’RE difficult.

YOU’RE selfish.

YOU’RE rude.

YOU’VE changed.

No.

Sometimes I simply don’t want to do the thing you want me to do.

And I don’t want to is a complete reason.

We’ve gotten weirdly comfortable treating other people’s boundaries like the opening offer in a negotiation.

No doesn’t mean convince me.

No doesn’t mean ask six more times.

No doesn’t mean explain why your situation is special.

No doesn’t mean make me feel guilty until I change my answer.

And no certainly doesn’t mean make the decision yourself and inform me afterward.

You can ask.

I can answer.

And you don’t have to like my answer.

That’s the part I think we’ve lost.

Respecting someone’s boundary doesn’t mean you agree with it.

It means you understand that you don’t own the person on the other side of it.

Your needs matter.

So do mine.

Your time matters.

So does mine.

Your convenience matters.

So does mine.

And the fact that something matters MORE to you doesn’t automatically mean it should matter LESS to me.

That woman’s work may have been incredibly important.

I genuinely don’t know.

Maybe she was closing a multimillion-dollar deal.

Maybe she was curing cancer.

Maybe she was answering emails about the quarterly toner budget.

It didn’t matter.

Her reason didn’t magically turn the space underneath the seat in front of me into hers.

That’s the whole point.

Your reason can be completely valid and the answer can still be no.

You’re allowed to be disappointed.

You’re allowed to think I’m unreasonable.

You’re allowed to wish I had answered differently.

You’re even allowed to complain about me later.

What you’re not entitled to do is decide that your desire for a yes somehow invalidates my right to say no.

Because boundaries aren’t boundaries only when everybody likes them.

And kindness isn’t kindness when somebody has already decided you’re required to provide it.

Ask me.

I’m actually pretty accommodating.

But don’t make decisions for me and then act offended when I remind you that you don’t get to.

Sometimes another human being is simply going to tell you:

No, that’s my space.

No, I don’t want to.

No, I’m staying home.

No, I’m not available.

No, I’m not explaining myself.

No, that doesn’t work for me.

And sometimes there won’t be a dramatic reason behind it.

Sometimes the reason really is:

Because I said no.

And somehow, despite everything humanity has survived…

you’re going to have to survive that too.

Have an evidence-based day.

❤️
Drew Gilbert
Drew Does Dallas

One space available for semi-personal training at the home studio in Belfast. This is personal training without the price tag. Your own programme, completed in a group setting with shared supervision. This group suits someone who doesn't take life/themselves/training too seriously and is up for a good laugh, and some slightly dubious conversational topics 😂. Training time with these fab peeps is Monday at 10am. Comment below or send me a DM if you're keen, because training is always more fun in a pack 🩷🩶💪

If you've been hesitating about getting some help with your running practice... this is a good sign that it's time to pull the trigger 🏃‍♀️

Your Running Reset Starts Here EP Coaching

Good lawdy, I'm close to my sweat goal but actually that's quite a bit of time to get in over 2 days. Have definitely botched a calculation getting this one completed! Still time to get behind this meaningful cause 🌈
https://www.sweatwithpride.com/fundraisers/angelaoliver/swp/

Ironpower Squat Rack for sale. Ideal for a home garage gym set-up, or a PT working from a home studio. Has been the Coach Ange trusty sidekick for a good 5 years, and now the poor wee fella has been replaced.

Iron Power Squat Rack | Trade Me Marketplace With multi pull up grips, safety bars, and weights storage. Dimensions: H 2015 W 1600 (including storage racks) D 1301 Pick up only. Belfast, Christc...

She came as a client, wanting to get stronger, so she could have adventures. Now she leaves as a friend... to go and have an EPIC adventure hiking mountains in Switzerland ⛰️, before moving to Scotland for work. You definitely achieved the brief ,those mountains should fear your domination 💪
Also, you'll be bagging Scottish Munros like they are walks in the park before you know it.
My Friday mornings will simply not be the same 😭

This is why you can always tell the difference between a well-qualified & experienced health coach, and someone else... Coaching human beings requires a biopsychosocial approach. Knowing that just targeting the physical stuff doesn't actually do much without the context of their psychology and social environment. If you keep hiring coaches, but all the diet & exercise plans they give you don't do the trick, and you don't feel good implementing them, the problem is likely the coach, not you 🩷🩶

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️Thank you so much to the fab peeps who donated over the weekend to help me get closer to my $500 fundraising target. Sadly, I was not the winner of the Les Mills exercise gear to be able to pass on to one of you, but your money will go to such a great cause, so I'm very grateful.
https://www.sweatwithpride.com/fundraisers/angelaoliver/swp/
I'm a TEENY TINY $9 from my target, and I did say that if I crack that $500 mark by the 18th (that means till midnight right? Surely!) I'll double my movement minutes goal... So, who's gonna take it over the line😉
🩷❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

We're halfway through June, and I've almost met my sweat target! So if I can meet my fundraising target by the 18th, I'll DOUBLE my sweat goal. And I know what you might be thinking... I'm a coach, so it's easy for me to do it, right? But I have a lot of the same obstacles as anyone else, and it's really easy for me to put my own exercise on the back burner, as "less important. Having this cause to fundraise for gives me a reason to hit the gym or hit the pavement.
Please, if you can spare a few dollars, I'd really appreciate the support, and you'd get to see me finally challenge myself after a good 6 months of having to stay dialled down 😉
https://www.sweatwithpride.com/fundraisers/angelaoliver