11/11/2025
“Enjoy the Silence”
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I have been silent for quite a long time.
A time filled with reflection, inner battles, worries, learning to let go, and many other things that all fall under one single word: acceptance.
I had to accept my new condition, that cancer was no longer something to face every once in a while (even if those “whiles” were long), but a chronic condition that now requires constant attention, with monthly treatments and ongoing care.
I had to accept that my life had been turned upside down, and that I might not be able to teach anymore. It has been a long, transformative period in which I tried to create a new version of myself, searching for solutions that often didn’t align with the rigid structure of the Dutch welfare system. Trying to not be my real self, to adjust to a reality that is not part of who I am, started to give birth to a sense of misery and loss of dignity.
I had to remind myself that nineteen years ago I left my family behind to find a better future, a future where I could be who I wanted to be, free to refuse the unacceptable compromises that my home country demanded in order to live the life I wanted. A future that could guarantee something better for both myself and my family.
It took me almost two decades to integrate into a new culture, a new system, and to find my way to happiness, thanks mostly to Yoga and all the wonderful gifts it has given me since our first encounter, more than seventeen years ago.
It took silence and detachment to truly understand all of this, and the love of my family, who listened without judgment and allowed me to find my own path toward clarity, trusting that I would make the best choices for them as well as for myself.
I am, by nature, a sharer. And I cannot let cancer, or the negativity that often surrounds it, kill my soul before it kills my body.
I have made my decision.
If I must go, I would rather go on the mat, sharing my storytelling and my joy for teaching yoga, than fade away motionless, languishing in a state of inner emptiness