Unpaved trails

Maybe you recognise this too. That in order to receive something; gifts, love, money, you feel like you have to do something in return first.

For me there was an underlying belief hiding underneath it: “I’m not worthy unless I do xyz.”
But there can be so many different beliefs blocking us from receiving. I noticed a mix of these in myself:

— The belief that love or wealth is limited, which lead to feeling guilty when receiving something
— The belief that accepting help or a gift is a sign of weakness, making you want to do everything yourself (this one I recognised immediately)
— Subconsciously blocking opportunities because you fear that receiving more will lead to higher demands or disappointment

Anything familiar?

After talking to women in a circle I’m part of, I realised I wasn’t alone in this. I decided to sit with it, feel the blocks, the emotions and the stories attached to it. And the beliefs I mentioned prior are the ones I discovered. The thought of helping others with uncovering what blocks them from receiving too, kept crossing my mind. So I made a free guided meditation, with optional reiki healing, and journaling questions to guide you deeper into what is blocking you from receiving.

Reply with ✨ to get your free meditation. 🥰

It was making me ill on the inside. I’m not kidding when I say I had a lot, a lot of emotions stuck in my body. But when burnout hit me, there was no escaping it anymore. I cried easily when people asked me how I was doing. I got angry really quickly when someone crossed my boundaries. Everything that I had tried to escape, tried to push away came back times 10x.

The only thing that helped? Sit down and feel it. Feeling all that surpressed sadness, the anger or actually more rage, the pain. And in that moment I realised I didn’t want to pretend anymore.
I didn’t want to say I was fine when I wasn’t. I didn’t want to force myself in being positive when I felt really crappy. I didn’t want to plaster a fake smile on my face anymore to make people comfortable.

But showing how you really are in a world where highlights, (toxic) positivity and acting as if you’re happy 100% of the time is celebrated, is something else. I felt weird at first, weak, negative, a bad person, and sometimes still have those moments when I share something vulnerable.

But the more I think about it, the more I feel that life is this beautiful duality of shadow and light, and we can’t have one without the other. Going through a bad day, a rough time is part of that too. I’m not saying that we have to post every mental breakdown we have or share everything of our lives online. But I do think that sometimes we forget what sharing honestly does:
It shows you are human, it makes people feel more seen and heard and less lonely and it creates connection.

The woman with the masks had a lot of people that liked her, that thought she was nice to be around, because she always seemed happy. The woman now, feels much more connected with the people around her, knows that she is not everyone’s cup of tea but also is much happier and healthier then she was back then. And I personally would pick genuine connection over masks any day.

What would you choose?

Up until last year I was someone who hopped from healing to healing. Therapy, reiki, kundalini, past life regression therapy, akashic records, fascia release, breathwork. I did it all. And they are all in my opinion amazing ways to get back in touch with yourself. BUT I also thought I needed someone else to help me heal and some practitioners did reinforce that belief.

But when I started giving energetic healing sessions myself, I realised that was not true. You are responsible for your own healing journey, including if you take the brave step to look at and work on something. You are the one who sits with the uncomfortable emotions, with the feelings, who can step out a pattern. No one else can do that for you.

What a healer, therapist, practitioner can do? Give you a safe space to go deeper in your body and mind. Give you insights or a mirror. The confidence that you can work through things. That can be very valuable in your healing journey and it definitely has been a gamechanger on mine.

I realised that if someone else’s pain, sadness, or struggle makes me uncomfortable, that’s not about them. That’s about me.

My immediate reaction was to try to fix it, give unsolicited advice, offer solutions they didn’t ask for, change the subject gently, sometimes even telling them to ‘look at the bright side’…

I thought I was helping them… but instead I was trying to manage MY OWN discomfort.

But it also made me wonder why. And it made sense when I thought about it. Most of us were never taught how to sit with uncomfortable emotions, our own OR other people’s.

We learned different things, for example:
→ Sadness is bad
→ Anger should be hidden
→ Struggle means weakness
→ If someone’s upset, FIX IT FAST
So when someone we care about is going through something hard, our nervous system goes: “This is uncomfortable. Make it stop.”
And we try to fix THEM so WE can feel better.

But not everything needs to be fixed. Not everyone wants advice. Not every hard moment needs a silver lining.
Sometimes people just need to be HEARD.

What holding space actually looks like:
Instead of jumping in with solutions, try:

“That sounds really hard. I’m here.”
“Do you want to talk about it, or do you just need someone to listen?”
“I’m not going to try to fix this. I’m just going to sit with you.”

You don’t need to have the answers. You don’t need to make it better. You just need to be PRESENT.

And if YOU’RE the one struggling:
It’s okay to tell people what you actually need:

“I’m not looking for advice right now, I just need to vent.”
“I don’t need this fixed, I just need you to listen.”
“Can you just sit with me in this for a minute?”

You’re not being difficult, you are giving people clarity of what you need in that moment.

Not all emotions are problems to solve.
Sometimes they’re just... emotions. Passing through. Asking to be felt.
And the greatest gift you can give someone? Letting them feel without trying to fix them. ❤️

If you can relate to this, if you feel alone, with no support, or not knowing where to begin. My inbox is always open for you.
Cheering you on while walking alongside you.
We’ve got this. ❤️