10/07/2022
*It’s scary to forgive myself* - a herbal compress after the samurai sword 🗡🌿🩹
I find it possibly one of the scariest things to forgive myself.
With a head full of harsh inner voices, I’m reaching for a herb. And I’m prompted to recall an encounter with this same plant essence, one year ago.
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When I sat with a teacher I admire, he was feeling critical, responsible and ashamed. The pressure of supporting his wife and daughters, as well as guiding groups of students - had been building up. A pressure that unleashed when his act of generous giving, an additional gathering he had so effortfully organised, was met with complaint.
In his own words he retaliated - he took his samurai sword and swung - a sharp vocal sting to those who he felt took advantage. And in the process, he cut a little of their connection to one another.
I found him in this post-swing position. Sat across from me, head in one hand, sharing his regret.
I heard his harsh voice, criticising his mistake. I listened as he told me that he wanted to set limits in a more loving way. I heard clarity, discipline, responsibility, respect for his community, the willingness to change.
And I listened to the space between these words. To the heaviness of his shoulders and the furrow of his brow. His voice and his body told me that the swing of his samurai sword had also wounded him on the way down.
Hearing his account of events - I knew that what I was about to offer would challenge him - perhaps moreso.
What I offered - was gentleness.
And so we expanded the story with a blend from nature’s soothing hands. A healing compress for his open wound, lovingly tending and comforting him:
Soft petals restore his faith in love and trust by receiving it himself 🌸, herbs release bitterness and forgive his actions so that he may change his behaviour from clarity 🌿, and bountiful fruits reinforce the knowledge that there is always enough to go around - that the gifts he offers will return tenfold 🍊There is enough time, enough money and most importantly - that he is enough.
The process of making this blend supported him not only to send a more loving message to his community, but also to himself.
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