Linguestics Unical 2004/2005 Graduate

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What is Politics?

A son asks his father, “What can you tell me
about politics? I have to learn about it for
school tomorrow.” The father thought some
and said, “OK, son, the best way I can describe
politics is to use an analogy. Let’s say that I’m a
capitalist because I’m the breadwinner. Your
mother will be the government because she
controls everything, our maid will be the
working class because she works for us, you will
be the people because you answer to us, and
your baby brother will be the future. Does that
help any?” The little boy said, “Well, Dad, I don’t
know, but I’ll think about what you said.”

Later that night, after everyone had gone to
bed, the little boy was awaken by his baby
brother’s crying. Upon further investigation, he
found a dirty diaper. So, he went down the hall
to his parent’s bedroom and found his father’s
side of the bed empty and his mother wouldn’t
wake up. Then he saw a light on in the guest
room down the hall, and when he reached the
door, he saw through the crack that his father
was in bed with the maid. The son then turned
and went back to bed.

The next morning, he said to his father at the
breakfast table, “Dad, I think I understand
politics much better now.” “Excellent, my boy,”
he answered, “What have you learned?”

The little boy thought for a minute and said, “I
learned that capitalism is screwing the working
class, government is sound asleep ignoring the
people, and the future is full of scrap.

The Fastest Thing

Four men were sitting around
a conference room table
being interviewed for a job.
The interviewer asked, “What is the fastest thing
you know of?”

The first man replied, “A thought. It pops into
your head, there is no forewarning that it is on
the way; it is just there. A thought is the fastest
thing I know of.”

“That is very good,” replied the interviewer. “And
now you, sir,” he asked the second man.

“Hmmm, let me see….. a blink”, said the second
man. “It comes and goes and you do not know it
ever happened. A blink is the fastest thing I
know of.”

“Excellent!”, said the interviewer. “The blink of
an eye. That is a very popular cliché for
speed.” He then turned to the third man who
was contemplating his reply.

“Well, out on my dads ranch, you step out of the
house and on the wall there is a light switch.
When you flip that switch, way across the
pasture the light at the barn comes on in an
instant. Turning on a light is the fastest thing I
can think of.”

The interviewer was very impressed with the
third answer and thought he had found his
man. “It is hard to beat the speed of light.”, he
said.

Turning to the fourth man, a Nigerian, he posed
the same question.

“After hearing the three previous answers, it is
obvious to me the fastest thing known is
diarrhea,” said the Naija guy.

“What!” said the interviewer, stunned by the
response.

“Oh, I can explain,” “You see, the other day I was
not feeling so well and ran for the bathroom.
But, before I could think, blink, or turn on the
light, I s**t on my pants.”

He got the job! Naija no dey carry last

A CALL

How sweet the memories cries
How swift the year flies
How short our union was
How lovely our friendship was

Distance and hustling set us Apart
Destiny set to attain says we must be Apart
Thanks to white man witch which reunite
Than the Benin Air force which Disunite

Though Distance is just A void
Thus Destiny must not be Avoid
Technology has called us back
To celebrate as we look back

Remembering our Mentors and Patriot
Rhyming their act as in Detroit
For their actions we are what we are today
Forming the great society we want today

Should we forget Prof.Okon Essien for his Role
Or the Iron Lady Dr. Bassey Okon for her Rules
Should memory forget Noah and Ete Akpan just like that
Or Offiong Ani and my Guy Mensah should not Chat

Others we love you but for time and space
Oath I swear I will mention you even in space
Heaven wait the teacher's reward
Here you will reap the fruit from your ward.

Comrades you worth my honour
Come let fly this banner with our senior
My course Rep Val come take a step
My twin brother Ita udoekpo claim the step

For my ladies are all gorgeous now
For Utitofon and Idoreyin are Officers now
Lucy my Ebony Love to thee I Get
Lucky Stella and Glory Uya not to forget

Others please I love u all
Off all my contacts to you I call
Oh come great Linguist come
On thee are the good things to come.

The Pencil of God Comr. Christopher Udotong