07/04/2022
A must-read by Onuora Onianwa
I saw this and thought to share.
Dear parents, this is a .
At point when we were passed that 20 year mark (I wish I could remember when exactly, but I cannot) my parents started to ask and talk about how we would get our own houses, have our own relationships and get married.
My family don't play like that. They do not do the whole: ehm - see - ehn - this - is - your - home - so - you - can - stay - here - forever - there - is - no - rush. My folks wanted us grown up and settled. Don't get me wrong, it was not some mad rush of pressure but they would bring it up occasionally and trust me, we got the message. As everybody's time dey reach, we dey commot house. At best we would come back home and spend a little time together but everyone understood the importance of having their own place/space.
A parent's job is not complete if their child cannot stand on their own. That is just the truth. There is no abuse or shading here, just facts. Your kid has to grow up. They will always be your baby but you have to learn to let go. And they also have to. You need to make sure they do.
I do not know if sad is the right word to use but I get uncomfortable when someone tells me their mum, dad or both parents won't let them move out, get their own place, etc. I am talking about someone who has a steady job, can afford to get a place of their own even if it is just a one room apartment for now and is upwards of 26years old. I mean what are you still tying them to your strings for?
If this person was unreliable, immature and anything else that would question their choices, that'd be different. In this case, you have a healthy, smart, mature and employed child but you will not let them go. At some point they will start to feel sad, embarrassed and resentful of you. If they do not, then something is wrong somewhere as they themselves have not seen the need to get out of the house.
This is worse for ladies because here we still have the mentality that a woman should be in her father's house literally until a man comes to marry her. The irony is she is still monitored and clamped down on movement wise and which males she hangs out with (if she is even permitted at all) and yet when she starts clocking 30, the parents start asking; "where are the men that are coming to marry you?"
Mummy they live on that street you did not want me to rent house in. Some of them also work in that company you said I should not take job from because it is far from the house and means I have to move on. They also attend that church you said I should not go to because we are a family and must live together and attend church together. Shey I should go and bring them now?
Then we have boys who are so tied to their parent's (especially their bothers) that moving out and moving on is a problem. These ones do not understand why a lot of ladies leave them alone. You cannot live in your house for one week without going to see your mother or she coming over. You cannot take any decision without first talking to her. You cannot even buy bread without calling to ask her and you wonder why no one wants to date or marry you?
It is all funny sometimes but on the real it is not helpful to them. They need to leave the nest. If they do not, find a wonderful way to kick them out. Even when we were still at home, at some point we had talks with our folks and we took over the payment of bills in the house until we moved out and even after that. We were already getting a sense of responsibility about these things because it matters. Imagine moving into your own place and not knowing you have bills to pay. Are you mad or something?
This is an important part of life as an adult and the sooner everyone, parents and kids alike, gets it the better.
from Onuora Onianwa
