Singles With A Testimony SWAT

PHONE USE RULES FOR COUPLES!!!

1. Don't make a habit of putting your phone on silent mode or turning it off each time you're with your partner. It makes you look like you are hiding something

2. Save your partner's phone number using a special title like "Hubby", "Love", "Wife", "Sweetie". Or save using a title plus the official name. Using the official name only makes your partner look like just the other contacts on your phone

3. Answer your partner's phone call with loving affectionate words like "Hi love", "Hey honey". How a conversation starts detetmines how it flows. If you start warm, you two will enjoy talking with each other on phone

4. End the talk on a high. Say "I love you", say a joke, a compliment, a warm phrase before you hang up. Hang up with a smile

5. It is OK to chat with friends online. But never chat with another person more than you chat with your partner

6. If you will be busy, notify your partner you will not be able to pick up calls or reply texts promptly. Inform your partner what you will be doing and approximately for how long. This prepares your partner and brings peace because your partner will not feel ignored

7. Flirting on phone is good but only flirt with your partner

8. Tell off people who try to flirt with you, entice you and charm you on phone. Let them know that you are taken

9. Take lots of photos and videos together to capture moments. You will need those pics and videos in future as you look back

10. When you go out on dates, keep the phone away, minimize phone use so that you focus on each other

11. Don't make a habit of walking away from your partner to answer phone calls. Your partner will perceive you are hiding something or having an affair. Love is about perception

12. After the date and you don't live together; man, call her up and check on her, tell her you got home safe; lady, send him a text, thanking him for a wonderful time

13. Unless it's an emergency, when you can't reach your partner and you probably know he/she is at work or doing something; don't keep calling and texting desperately. You will only look like a nag to your partner and that will make your partner detest phone contact with you. Relax, your partner will see your missed call and text

14. When you see a missed call or text from your partner, please call back or reply as soon as you can. Put your partner at ease

15. Save your partner's phone number as an emergency number to be contacted incase something happens to you and your phone is locked

16. Avoid fights and arguments over the phone, they are difficult to manage and leave a bad feeling when you hang up, thus negatively affecting how you two relate. Talk about serious issues that are volatile face to face

17. When your partner offends you or you two aggrevate each other, never refuse to pick up your partner's phone call. That only makes matters worse. Keep the line of communication open so that you work things out. If you can't talk at the moment you are hurting, just pick up the call and say "I can't talk right now" and your partner will understand

18. Inform your partner when and why you need to turn off your phone when you two are apart. Keep your partner from worrying

19. When you two are having fun together, it is good to celebrate your love online but don't post too much about your lovelife. Some things are best kept private. The world doesn't have to know every detail of how you love each other

20. When you two are having problems, don't vent about your partner directly or indirectly on your social media posts

21. Don't let your partner get news about you from social media like your online friends. Tell the news to your partner first, and then post online

22. If your partner tries calling you but your line is engaged, explain who you were talking to. If someones calls you when you're with your partner, say who it was. Transparency and clarity enhances trust

23. Remember it is both your role to communicate. None of you should feel he/she is forcing a conversation or is doing much of the talking. Communication takes two

24. Put away the phone when your partner needs your undivided attention, especially in the bedroom. Don't be intimate, holding your phone, more than you hold your partner

25. Phone use can affect your relationship/marriage negatively or positively. Be smart as you use your smart phone...

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THINGS A MAN MUST NEVER DO TO A GOOD WOMAN!

My brothers, when a good woman loves you, she gives the whole of herself to you. She loves you with her whole heart and soul. Don't make her regret her decision of loving.

This is what you must never do to such a woman;

1. Don’t Break Her Heart:
Breaking a woman's heart is deeper than we realize. It affects her emotionally, destroys her outlook on love and can affect her future relationship.
Love is never supposed to hurt. Love is supposed to heal, to be your haven from misery, to make living worthwhile.

2. Don’t Pretend You Love Her.
If you don't truly love her, let her know and stop wasting her time. It's better She knows than you making it look she's safe

3. Never Tell Her She Is Ugly.
This is the worst thing you will ever say to a lady. Every lady deserves to be called beautiful. So to the females reading this, You Are Beautiful.

4. Don’t Compare Her To Your Ex:
That's unfair to her and a disaster waiting to happen. She is not your Ex. Every woman is unique. Never make her feel she's not match to your ex. If your ex is better than her, then make her to your taste not compare her. Love her unconditionally

5. Don’t Take Her Love For Granted:
She'll love you. When a lady accepts you into her life, she loves with everything in her. She loves with her heart. Please appreciate it.

6. Don’t Shout at Her:
Screaming and yelling at your lady is oppression. Argument is common in any relationship but yelling should not. When you are shouting at your lady, then you are damaging the bond to the core. Lovers don't shout at each other. They talk as friends.

7. Never EVER Lay your hands on her:
NEVER! It is only a f@ol who beats a woman. Real men don't beat women. They protect them.

8. Never Cheat On Her.
Relationship is never for the unfaithful people. If you can't be faithful to one person for the rest of your life, don't go into a relationship. A real man chooses to honor, love, respect, adore and be faithful to one woman

9. Don’t Disrespect Her:
I know she can be silly sometimes, but show maturity by correcting in love.

10. Don’t Waste Her Time If You Will Not Marry Her. If you are NOT sure that you will marry the lady you are courting right now and you know very well that she is very serious with you in the relationship and wants to marry you and has sincerely given her everything to stay by your side; please tell her now that you will not marry her so that she will not waste her golden time on you. Never waste a lady's time.

11. Don’t insult her

12. Don’t Make Her Feel Unloved:
Love her wholeheartedly.

13. Never R-ape Her.
Real men are not r-apists. R-ape is a crime.
R-ape can cause life-long emotional and physical effects on its victims. R-ape is a crime and a human rights violation. No r-ape is justifiable.

14. Never Fail To Say She Is Beautiful.
Learn to say beautiful words to her. Women are moved by what they hear.

15. Don’t Mock Her In The Public.
In private, lovers can softly poke fun at one another in a way that is safe and gentle. In public, it’s not as easy. A man must be very careful about using his lady for a cheap laugh. While it’s okay to laugh about events, it’s dangerous to make any joke which can be taken as demeaning

16. Don’t impregnate Her And Deny it.
One of the basic reasons of s£x is that it is meant for procreation. Anybody who opts for s£x must be ready to accept the consequences of s£x namely, procreation. That is one of the reasons why God does not allow it to be done wrongly.

17. Don’t Expose Her Secrets To Your Friends And Family. Those private revelations should never be made public by you.

18. Don’t Lie To Her.
Be faithful, loyal and honest.

19. Don’t Correct Her In The Public.
She will feel embarrassed. Let any correction be done between both of you. And let it be done in love.

20. Don’t Hate Her Family.

21. Don’t Treat Her Like A Nonentity.
Value her. Celebrate her uniqueness. She is a treasure

22. Don’t Make Promises You Can’t Keep.
Be a man of his Word.

23. Never Dupe or Scam Her.

Be a MAN OF Maturity, Strength and Wisdom.

Be a man she'll Thank God she has

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HOW TO HANDLE FIGHTS IN A RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE:

1. Know that it is normal for two people in love to disagree, offend each other, fall short, or misunderstand each other

2. Always remember how much you love and need each other. Remembering this will give you the incentive to resolve any conflict between you two. Don't throw away true love because of a passing storm

3. Know each other's temperaments. If you are a hot-tempered person, tell your partner/spouse so that your partner/spouse will prepare incase you spark off. But work on your temper still

4. Agree how to handle fights before fights emerge. A nation develops a constitution to guide its operation, partners/spouses agree on what to do to guide in relations

5. Don't let the fear of fighting or disagreeing with your partner/spouse keep you two from confronting each other and expressing your feelings. Too many are tired, bored, frustrated or angry in their relationship/marriage but pretend all is well because they are afraid of talking about heavy and uneasy stuff with their partner. Slowly their relationship/marriage collapses, you can't pretend for long

6. Before you confront and blame your partner/spouse, analyze the situation and see if you have played a role in causing the problem

7. When a fight between you two is approaching or something happens that inflames tempers, walk away, cool off. Don't talk in anger. Cool down then talk rationally

8. Remember you are in the same team. Fighting your partner/spouse is fighting what you two have, which in effect is fighting yourself

9. Avoid insults. Hold and control your tongue, hurtful words only complicate matters, once they are spoken they can't be taken back

10. Don't be tempted to use the information your partner/spouse shared with you in trust to get your way. Don't use the secrets your partner/spouse shared with you to attack or intimidate your partner/spouse

11. Don't disclose matters to a third party. Solve the matter the two of you. Don't gossip about the short comings of your partner/spouse to your family or friends. Don't air your dirty linen in public. Cover each other from outsiders as you two remain naked to each other

12. Pray together. Prayer clears up the air, restores love and order, brings unity of purpose and reminds you that God is watching and you both are God's children

13. When talking about the matter, fully talk about it, look for its root cause, lay everything on the table. A problem that is not fully addressed or understood will keep recurring

14. Give each other a chance to speak. None should feel silenced

15. Be mindful of your body language. You may not insult but your partner/spouse is paying attention to your body language. Don't sneer, click or show contempt

16. Never use your child/children to settle scores in a cold war with each other. You are both loved the same by the child/children

17. Conclude the matter quickly. The longer tension exists between you two, the more dangerous it grows

18. Accept responsibility. Being mature doesn't mean you won't do wrong or fall short; it means that when you do mess you are wise enough to apologize. Say sorry if you are on the wrong, forgive when you are wronged

19. Come up with a way forward to prevent the matter from happening again or from causing much damage in the future

20. Hug. Kiss. Make up. Make love

21. Laugh about it. Find comedy in your difficult times. No storm lasts always. You two will come out through it closer and stronger. Stay focused, your love is worth fighting for, not fighting each other.
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TYPES OF DATES EVERY
COUPLE SHOULD TRY

1. PICNIC DATE
There is something special and free about the outdoors. Pack up some food and drinks and a leso, find a spot and have fun.

2. WALK DATE
Make time to just take a walk as you bond. Walk for long as you hold hands, laugh, bump shoulder to shoulder. You need no money for this.

3. ELEGANT DATE
Go all out. Gentleman, ask her out to an expensive, classy venue. Give her a chance to dress up. She will feel special, smiling as you romance her; she wearing her fashionable dress.

4. DANCE DATE
Find a place where good music is played or dance is taught and go there as a couple. Salsa, lingala, afro, twist, benga; go to a place where you will sweat, groove and get down.

5. IMPROMPTU DATE
Dates don't have to be pre-planned. Be spontenous sometimes, drop everything and go somewhere as a couple for some quality time.

6. MOVIE DATE
Go to the cinema. Movies bring out emotions.

7. DOUBLE DATE
Go out on a date with another couple close to you. This will give you a chance to celebrate love and talk couple to couple. Your love will grow stronger.

8. COMPASSION DATE
There are many people in society to bless. You and your partner, find a children's home, an elderly home, a hospital or someone in need and together go spend time with them. God will bless your love.

9. CANDLE-LIGHT DINNER DATE
There is something romantic about looking into each other's eyes in dim candle light. Make it special. Romance is sweet.

10. SPECIAL MOMENT DATE
This is when you celebrate big as a couple a special moment like Birthday, Anniversary, Graduation or Promotion. Never forget these moments.

11. MAKE-UP DATE
If things between you two haven't been going well. Make effort to save your love by planning a good date. A date provides a good setting to allow you two to talk and get back to deep love.

12. LUNCH DATE
Since you work at different jobs, sometimes meet up and have a couple's lunch for an hour or so.

13. OLD LOVE DATE
Dates are not for young love only. Sadly, as lovers stay in a relationship/marriage, the dates become fewer as they go through the motions. No matter how long you've been together, step outside your everyday responsibilities and go for a date to rekindle and sustain the excitement.

14. SPORTS DATE
Is your favorite football club, rugby team, basketball team, golfer playing? Is it the safari rally, athletics? Go out for dates as a couple where you can scream, cheer and go wild. You two will connect more.

15. FRIENDS DATE
Have a barbeque, hook up with friends, throw a party. Organize something as a couple where your love will be celebrated in the presence of close friends.

16. TRAVEL DATE
Pack your bags and travel. Break the monotony and as a couple drive, fly, sail to a place you've never been. Experience new attractions together. Your love will never be boring this way.

16. STAY AT HOME DATE
Lock yourself in the house. Not to work or do chores. But to switch off everything including phones and concentrate on each other. Cook together, eat together, bath together, make memories for two.

UNDERSTANDING THE CONFLICT OF INTERESTS BETWEEN DAUGHTERS-IN-LAW AND MOTHERS-IN-LAW AND HOW TO HANDLE THEM...

everyone:

(Please this is a lengthy article, but worth reading to the end).

Marriage is a very beautiful institution and sweet experience. However, from time to time, some individuals make a mess of it by their ignorance of the set rules. Marriage has rules, and only those who strictly adhere to them enjoy its bliss.

Issues happen in marriage, and sometimes those issues are self-inflicted or the problems we created by own hands. One major problem in African marriages is the CLASH OF INTERESTS BETWEEN DAUGHTERS-IN-LAW AND MOTHERS-IN-LAW. It's one challenge not well understood let alone handled by the "warring parties", the husbands and many other relatives.

In most parts of Africa, marriage is done in a communal or community-based system. Meaning that when someone gets married, the decision of the choice of the life partner isn't left to the two lovers alone. Parents, siblings and relatives have a say, and most times a very big say because they are stakeholders or even major stakeholders in a marriage. It's a cultural practice from time immemorial.

Once a marriage is contracted between the two spouses, one major stakeholder in a couple's marriage is the mother-in-law. She has a very big say and her personal interests and, most times will stop at nothing to protect her interests even at the expense of her son's marriage. A mother is a male child first lover. Realities on ground show that mothers bond so much with their male children. One of the reasons why it's so is because in the African society, the male child occupies a more prominent place. The male child is regarded as more important than the girl child. So mothers who have at least one bond so well their son. A strong emotional bond, not easily broken, is created. Mama is her son's first lover, sometimes loving her male children more than even her own husband.

Here's the challenge:

When that son eventually gets married to his wife, the mother naturally sees the daughter-in-law as not a daughter, but a mate, some sort of "co-wife" who is there to challenge her in her son's life. Because the mother enjoys a very strong emotional bond that she's not willing to let go of yet, her son's wife is subjected to a malicious scrutiny such as she having to prove herself to be a good wife. But that is unnecessary!

INTERESTS OF THE MOTHER-IN-LAW:

1. The mother enjoys cooking a meal for her son.
2. The mother enjoys soul-to-soul conversation with her son.
3. The mother enjoys receiving periodic gifts from her son.
4. The mother likes visiting her son in his house without enough prior notice.
5. The mother likes to enter her son's kitchen at will.
6. The mother likes controlling the emotions of her son.
7. The mother is possessive.
8. The mother is overly-protective .
9. The mother is domineering.
10. The mother is selfish.

INTERESTS OF THE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW:

1. The wife enjoys cooking the meals of her husband all the time.
2. The wife enjoys soul-to-soul conversation with her husband.
3. The wife enjoys receiving periodic gifts from her husband.
4. The wife doesn't like the mother-in-law visiting them without enough prior notice.
5. The wife doesn't like the rate at which the mother-in-law enters her kitchen at will.
6. The wife likes controlling the emotions of her husband.
7. The wife is possessive.
8. The wife is overly-protective.
9. The wife is domineering.
10. The wife is selfish.

As you can see from above, both the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law have same interests, therefore causing a conflict of interests between them. Now that the challenge has been identified how does the husband solve it?

To help resolve this dilemma, a proper perspective on marriage is needed first:

1. Marriage isn't the extension of the family of both spouses. Marriage comprises of the husband, wife and children. These are the primary members of a family. Parents, siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc are secondary members. They are the extended family.

2. The greatest loyalty of a spouse lies with their partner, not with their parents, siblings or relatives (Genesis 21).

3. When a man is married, he is expected to bond more emotionally with his wife and less with his mother (Genesis 2:24-25).

4. To a husband, the most important figure in his life is the wife, not even his children, parents, siblings or relatives (Genesis 23).

5. The first beneficiaries of a husband's money or wealth are the wife and his children. Others are secondary.

6. A man MUST provide for his family (wife and children). He doesn't owe such obligation to his parents and siblings. That doesn't mean he shouldn't cater for his parents and siblings if he can.

7. A man must ensure the comfort his family (wife and children). He doesn't owe such obligation to his parents and siblings. That doesn't mean that he can ensure the comfort of his parents and siblings if he can.

TO HANDLE THE CONFLICT OF INTERESTS:

1. Know and understand the personalities of your wife and mother. Very well. Do you really know them? Do you know their temperaments, behaviours and characters? Do you know what each of them can do when they are offended?

2. If you sense or notice that both women don't get along so well, foster a cordial relationship between them. I did so between my wife and mother. How? I kept eulogizing and praising my wife to my mother, telling her how good and nice my wife is. I also eulogized and praised my mother to my wife, telling her how good and nice my mother is. Today, they are best friends, mother and daughter.

2. To your wife act towards her as a husband. And to your mother act towards her as a son. Remember: when married, the wife comes first.

3. Set boundaries around your wife and mother and let them understand their boundaries. Both of them own each other mutual understanding of roles and respect in your life. Don't be emotional about this. Your mother mustn't act as a wife to you. She isn't your wife. You have a wife.

4. Treat both according to their roles. Pamper both women. But remember your wife is your wife. She is to receive most of the pampering not the other way around.

5. Should there be conflicts between the two women, don't take sides unfairly and unjustly because of sentiments. If your wife is at fault, let her know and make her apologize to your mother. If your mother is the one at fault, make her know it and make her apologize to your wife. There should be fairness and justice when handling both women.

6. If you must succeed maritally, when married be emotionally mature to be a man of your own. Don't be the type that can be easily manipulated emotionally. Honour your mum, but your greatest honour must go to your wife. Do you know why? Your wife is you. Both of you are one. While you must caution your wife not to disrespect your parents, siblings and relatives, ensure that they don't disrespect her also. Respect should be mutual.

Honestly speaking, all these are not necessary, but because the level of interference is so high in African marriages, thereby causing conflicts of interests, it's important a husband does "something" to protect both his wife and mother. Generally, women, especially African women don't get along well easily with themselves. They fall out with each other easily even over the smallest of things. Most women would rather prefer the company of a male than that of a female.

Many thanks for reading, commenting, liking and sharing.

See you at the top!

Your friend,

SOME ROMANTIC THINGS TO DO WITH YOUR PARTNER THAT MAY NOT NECESSARY INVOLVE S*X

When romance is often mentioned, many think it is all about s*x. But romance is actually anything you do to your partner that communicate and show that him/her is special to you. Here are a few examples.

1. Calling your partner a special name that you wouldn't call any other person such "Honey", "Sweetheart"

2. Cooking together. This activity actually gives you two a chance to bond closer

3. Going out on dates to intimate places (not clubs) where you can look into each other's eyes and have heart to heart conversations

4. Pulling up her seat or holding her hand when she climbs up a stair case. Even though she can do this on her own, this makes her feel like you are mindful of her.

5. Singing love songs together. This warms the heart.

6. Covering each other in prayer. The most romantic thing is taking care of each other's spirit.

7. Holding each other's hand as you walk.

8. Going out for walks, picnics and plays.

9. If you have children, planning dates just for you two as you make plans for someone to take care of the kids. Children tend to kill romance if you are not deliberate about maintaining the fire.

10. Talking on the phone till late about heart matters if you two are far from each other. If all you talk about till late is s*x then you are missing out on depth.

11. Writing each other love letters. Yes, there is something special about reading each other's handwriting in this digital age. Leave a note for your partner on the pillow or post a letter if your partner is far away.

12. Making him a warm drink as he works or going to see him with packed lunch. This shows that you have him in mind.

13. Sending a parcel. There is something special about opening up a physical gift from the one you love.

14. Praising each other publicly, whether in front of your friends, on social media or in social gatherings. But do this only when you love your partner well in private, otherwise it is just pretense.

15. Writing each other poems, love songs or warm messages of how much you mean to each other.

16. Sitting next to each other in church services as you read from the same Bible.

17. Talking with your child/children about how you two met. Children love those stories of mom and dad. This reminds you two of how far your love has come.

18. Wishing each other a good night and a good morning. Simple words but they mean alot.

19. Having pillow talks on your marriage bed as you cuddle and be vulnerable with each other.

Remember that is your life partner. Do and say things that communicate love. If you two are dating and your coming together is because of s*x, then you are missing out on a chance to build on a strong foundation on which your future will be built.

If you two are married and you stopped making each other feel special especially since the children came, or the only time you pay attention to each other is when you want s*x then you are weakening your marriage.

Bring True Romance Back.