Courageous Speakers

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Five things you should master to become better at small talks.

Highlighted below are some key elements to keep in mind to make you better at small talks.
1. Approachable person: The approachable person is the one who is not actively engaged in a conversation or another activity. He is a newbie like you and looking for a partner. Depending on the kind of event you are in, such a person may be standing/ sitting alone at a table, pressing his mobile phone, staring around the room, or getting a bite. More often than not, these people are relieved to have someone else initiate the conversation.

2. Eye contact: Eye contact should not be forced or overdone. It indicates that you are listening to the other person and interested in the conversation. Too much eye contact can be counterproductive. Likewise, improper eye contact may make someone feel uncomfortable and even bring about suspicion about your intentions.

3. Smile: A pleasant smile is a strong indication of a friendly and open attitude and a willingness to communicate. It is a general approval toward the other person, and this will usually make the other person feel more open to talk to you. It is a human that when someone gives you a smile, you are inclined to smile back. Be the first to smile and greet another person.

4. Listen Actively: Active listening encourages people to continue speaking, and it shows that your attention is focused on the conversation. It helps to know what to say next by listening carefully for free information, keywords, facts, feelings, and opinions to keep the conversation going. By listening actively, use of good body language such as forward lean and open arms will show that you are listening and taking an interest in what is been said.

5. Verbal cues: Verbal cues complement the visual feedback you give a speaker. The absence of verbal cues makes a speaker wonder if anyone is listening. There are numerous verbal cues to let the speaker know you are fully engaged in the conversation. You can use Verbal cues like, okay go on, alright I’m listening and more. Non-verbal cues such as nodding are also crucial for keeping a conversation going.

Master and practice these elements often and soon, you’ll become the small talk pro you’ve always wanted to be.

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Test your Confidence and Communication skill.

Have you experienced this before? What did you do?
Imagine yourself journeying to a city to meet a friend whom you’ve met over a decade and has invited you for a dinner to celebrate his new accomplishment. However, while in transit, your mobile phone went off and you got disconnected from him. Luckily for you, you have his contact written in your jotter some time ago.

What step would you have taken A, B, or C? 🤔
A. Request the driver to stop the bus, alight from it and return home?
B. Keep going till you get to a junction, alight and then find a place to charge and continue the journey?
C. Simply ask a co commuter to lend you his phone to reach out to your friend?

Have a different approach, drop it in the comment below!

Why you should consider a small talk.

Are you introverted?
Do you want to give off warm/ friendly vibes? Then start with a small talk!

In this tough and digital world where there are more bad news than good. With different saddening incidents and frustrating news, people appreciate a conversation in which they feel motivated, inspired, and acknowledged. Similarly, there are times you need to express your feeling/ thought about an incident or event but you find it difficult to voice it out among your colleagues or friends out of anxiety/ nervousness. This is simply why you should consider small talk.

A Small talk is a valuable personal and professional thread that connects people. It is an informal type of discourse that does not cover any functional topics and as such clears the way for more intimate conversation, laying the foundation for a stronger relationship. Debra Fine stated in her book ‘the fine art of small talk’ that People who excel at small talk are experts at making others feel included, valued, and comfortable.

The purpose of small talk is to help you improve your conversation skills, reduce your anxiety in social situations, boost your confidence, lead you to new friendships, and eventually make you a public speaker.

Since small talk is regarded as informal, it can be expressed in a religious garden, an office/ school to communicate with your colleague, a nearby vendor, or a shopping mall, when you attend a meeting/ meet-up, going for a job interview and more.

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Mastery of the topic is the one essential presentation skill.

In Michael H. Mescon’s words, “The best way to conquer stage fright is to know what you are talking about.”

As a presenter, the one thing you cannot do without is not knowing what you want to talk about. You are to consider yourself a defender of your topic. See yourself as the person that needs to help the topic reach the audience and this is your crucial mission, and if you are not a master of the topic, that is absolutely not possible.
In essence, you plan and make preparations ahead of your presentation. You don’t jump into what you don’t know or aren’t familiar with. This is a great cause of glossophobia which cannot be corrected on stage.

Have you ever had an experience jumping into a discussion and you’re totally out of point then you felt bad about yourself? Share it with us.

FOOLFILLING OR FULFILLING APRIL

How do you measure your year 2022 goals? By month? or by Quarter?

There’s this slogan that rings everywhere in the month of April, April fool! But is April truly fool or we’re the ones fooling in it?

April is the fourth month of the year, and in turn, the beginning of the second Quarter of the year. The First quarter, Q1: January – March has just ended and so many questions still rings in our heads. Where do I start? How do I start? When will I get there? Is this achievable? …and so on. Anyways, you’re not in this alone. Hear from Haleemah.

Haleemah was so fortunate and had everything at her disposal. She got admission into a higher institution at a tender age, made all her results once, and looking forward to graduating at the age of 22.
During her studentship, she had highlighted some important goals for her career. Some of these are; Buying and reading books, expanding her network, getting the best grades, fluency in Arabic speaking, memorization of the Holy Qur’an, acquiring soft and hard skills with certifications, and more…
However, after highlighting the whole goal and struggling to achieve them, at the end of her second year, she realized she had got just two years left of her undergraduate years and hasn’t achieved 25% of her goals.

Haleemah’s failure can be attributed to two variables; internal and external factors. The internal factors can be corrected, prioritized, or even avoided based on preference. They are a result of her social and extra-curricula engagement while the external factors are sometimes pre-determined, engaging, time-consuming, and even sometimes emergent. They cannot be avoided but can be prioritized and have to be diligently attended to. Failure to define the created goal, Lack of mentorship, poor peer influence, poor reading habits, improper planning, etc. are some other factors that contributed immensely to her failure.

You might be in the same shoe just like Haleemah looking for a breakthrough and considering the next steps to take in order to meet up with your created goals. Highlighted below are some fundamental actions you should mull over to fulfill and not to foolfill your career goal this April:
• Define and map out your career goals
• Use the SMART methodology
• Always remind yourself of the “Why” and keep the “How” in mind always
• Get a mentor
• Choose your choice of friends wisely
• Learn from other people’s story
• Plan and take a step daily
• Track your goal
• Visualize your success
• Keep up the motivation
• Concentrate and be patient.

Identifying your weaknesses that lead to the failures and strengthening your determination will not just make your journey easier but is a motivation booster that will help you patiently until you see results.

Are you like Haleemah? Then kindly walk your steps towards fulfilling your outlined goals for the year.
Do you find any of the highlighted points challenging or difficult? Or what else from your experience or idea can make it easier to reach your goals? Use the comment box below.

ACTION STEPS TO OVERCOME GLOSSOPHOBIA

Below are some important and useful tips for overvoming your public speaking fear and anxiety.

1. Be prepared. If you want to overcome your fear of public speaking, get yourself organized ahead of time. Try to visit the venue where you will be giving your talk, and carefully review any and all equipment beforehand. And learn all you can about your topic well in advance. This makes it less likely that you will say something incorrect or go off track. If you do stray slightly, knowing your topic well will increase your odds of recovering quickly.

2. Practice makes perfect. Don’t just “give” your complete presentation to a volunteer audience once. Do it several times with friends, family members, or anyone else you feel comfortable with. Ask for feedback and review everyone’s comments carefully. You may even want to make a video of your speech so you can see it and make any revisions that you think will make it better.

3. Pay attention to the material at hand, rather than your audience. Generally, an audience is focusing on the new information they are listening to rather than how it is presented. Chances are that they won’t even notice your trepidation.

4. Don’t be afraid of the sounds of silence. When you momentarily lose track of what you are saying, you may feel nervous and feel that you have been silent forever. But it’s probably no longer than a few seconds, so simply take a few slow, deep breaths and proceed. Remind yourself that even if the moment of silence was longer than a moment, that’s okay, too. Your audience probably figured that the pause was planned and they won’t mind a bit.

CAUSES AND SYMPTOMS OF GLOSSOPHOBIA
The causes and symptoms of glossophobia can be linked in some ways. If there has been a prior event or circumstance that led to the speaker having a fear of speaking in front of a group of people, then that is what will constantly be on repeat in their head. Which will then lead to them going blank during their speech, shaking, stumbling over words, and remaining dependent on note cards so they do not have to make eye contact with their audience. In addition, other key causes of this anxiety have been identified as the novelty of the experience, the characteristics of the audience, the illusion of transparency and the degree to which the speaker identifies public speaking as a performance as opposed to an act of communication.
Symptoms of Glossophobia
Glossophobia causes a variety of symptoms such as:
Increased blood pressure
Increased perspiration
Dry mouth
A stiffening of the upper back muscles
Nausea and a feeling of panic when faced with having to speak in public; shaking, sweating.
Intense anxiety at the thought of speaking in front of a group.
Butterflies in the stomach, dry mouth, and rapid heartbeats.
The more specific symptoms of speech anxiety can be grouped into three categories:
Physical
Verbal and
Non-verbal.
Physical symptoms result from the sympathetic part of the autonomic nervous system (ANS) responding to the situation with a "fight-or-flight" reaction.
During the phobic response, adrenaline secretion produces a wide array of symptoms which enhances the "fight or flight" response. As Garcia-Lopez (2013) has noted, symptoms can include acute hearing, increased heart rate and blood pressure, dilated pupils, increased perspiration and oxygen intake, stiffening of neck/upper back muscles, and dry mouth. Uncontrollable shaking is also common and often occurs prior to the phobia-eliciting stimulus. Symptoms may sometimes be alleviated or mitigated by medications such as beta-blockers.

Verbal symptoms of the fight or flight response include (but are not limited to) a tense or quivering voice, and vocalized pauses (which tend to comfort anxious speakers).
One form of speech anxiety is dysfunctional speech anxiety in which the intensity of the fight-or-flight response prevents an individual from performing effectively.

Ref:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glossophobia
https://www.psycom.net/glossophobia-fear-of-public-speaking

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PUBLIC SPEAKING ANXIETY (GLOSSOPHOBIA)
Glossophobia or speech anxiety is the fear of public speaking. The word glossophobia derives from the Greek γλῶσσα glōssa, meaning tongue, and φόβος phobos, fear or dread.
Fear of public speaking is a common form of anxiety that a speaker feels before and/or during a presentation. It can range from slight nervousness to paralyzing fear and panic. Sweating palms, a shaky voice, a dry throat, difficulty breathing, and even memory loss are all common symptoms of anxiety. The symptoms you, as an individual, will feel are hard to predict. But it helps if you remember that nearly every speaker has experienced some degree of speech anxiety. Even professional speakers occasionally feel a small amount of apprehension at times. Anxiety levels vary. Some speakers will report little to no anxiety while speaking; others will confess that they are petrified at the thought of speaking in public.
The aspect of speaking publicly whether it be in front of a group of unknown people, or a close group of friends, is what triggers the anxiety for the speaker. The speaker may be comfortable if they speak in front of a group of complete strangers, but when it comes to speaking in front of family/friends, their anxiety skyrockets, and vice versa. Some speakers are more comfortable in larger groups, and some are more comfortable speaking to smaller groups.[1] Public speaking anxiety arises from the students fear of embarrassment in front of a crowd of people in an unfamiliar situation. Students have a fear of making mistakes or messing up or just being judged in general by their audience. The anxiety that students have of speaking publicly sometimes stems from a previous experience that ended with them making a mistake or being judged by their audience or their audience not being as interested in the topic as the speaker thought they would be.
It has been estimated that 75% of all people experience some degree of anxiety/nervousness when it comes to public speaking.[4] If untreated, public speaking anxiety can lead to serious detrimental effects on one's quality of life, career goals and other areas. For example, educational goals requiring public speaking might be left unaccomplished. However, not all persons with public speaking anxiety are necessarily unable to achieve work goals, though this disorder becomes problematic when it prevents an individual from attaining or pursuing a goal they might otherwise have – were it not for their anxiety.
According to the National Social Anxiety Centre, The fear of public speaking is the most common phobia ahead of death, spiders, or heights. The National Institute of Mental Health reports that public speaking anxiety, or glossophobia, affects about 73% of the population. The underlying fear is judgment or negative evaluation by others. Public speaking anxiety is considered a social anxiety disorder.

We are passing through a great moment, where we bid farewell to a year which in true terms, signifies the diminish of our age, with pages closed, and loaded with varying events and reflections which require a retrospection from every discerning Muslim mind.

However, this calls for a Moment for cogitation and reflection.
It would be a point of amazement for any discerning observer of the way and manner the year began and swiftly it has ended. It actually represents a sign to the veracity of Muhammad’s prophethood, and a religious miracle which has prophesied about convergence of time. Anas bn Malik (R.A) narrated that the Prophet (pbuh) said: “The end time would not come until the time converges, the year would be like the month, and the month like the week, and the week would be like the day, and a day like the hour, and the hour would be like the ignition of flame of fire.” (Ahmad, Tirmidhi & Ibn Hibaan).

These 5 skills are absolutely necessary for successful communication in the workplace or private life.

1. Listening
Listening is one of the most important aspects of communication. Successful listening is not just and understanding of spoken or written information, but also an understanding of how the speaker feels during communication.

If a speaker can see and feel that someone is listening and understanding that can help build a stronger, deeper relationship between interlocutors.

Careful listening can also create an environment in which everyone feels safe to express ideas, opinions and feelings, or plan and solve problems in a creative way.

2. Straight talking
Conversation is the basis of communication, and one must not neglect its importance. Even a simple, friendly conversation with colleagues can build mutual trust and even detect problems before they become serious.

A healthy dose of chatting with and unknown person can lead to a business opportunity. Be accessible and friendly because then you will be able to talk to almost anyone.

3. Non-verbal communication
Non-verbal signals are wordless communication, body position, facial expression, hand movements, gestures, eye contact, attitude and tone of your voice, muscle tension and the way you/we breathe.

The way you look, listen, create, react, gesture, speaks far more about feelings than words will ever be able to.

Developing the ability to understand others and use nonverbal signals will help you connect with others, express what you think, meet challenging situations, and build better relationships at home and at work.

4. Stress management
In small quantities, stress can be very useful and encouraging for work. However, when the stress becomes constant and completely begins to take effect, it can affect communication, clarity of opinion, and appropriate behavior and action.

When you are under stress you may misunderstand other people, send confusing nonverbal signals, and use funny patterns of behavior.

How often did you feel stressed during discussion with your friends or colleagues and then said or did something you regretted later?

If you improve stress management skills, not only will you avoid these subsequent regrets, but you will also be able to influence the other person you are entering into a conflict.

5. Emotion control
In communication, feelings play an important role. Making decisions more often affects the way you feel than the way you think.

Guided by emotions, your nonverbal behavior affects the understanding of other people and how others understand and perceive you.

If you are not aware of your feelings you are guided, you will not be able to express your needs and experiences. This can result in frustration, misunderstanding and conflict.

Control of emotions provides you with tools to understand others, yourself and the messages you send.

Though recognizing feelings makes it simple, many people have strong feeling like anger, sorrow, or fear being pushed under the carpet.

Source: https://blog.smarp.com/top-5-communication-skills-and-how-to-improve-them

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