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I saw a mother screaming at the top of her voice at a teacher as I walked into the school for a meeting.

Some weeks ago , I was in a school for a session with the school management on creating a curriculum to incorporate soft skills and other aspects of learning in their school. And also for trainings for their teachers and parents.

I was a bit disturbed as this show was right in the presence of the pupil. I had to ask that I speak to the parent myself as obviously the school management couldn’t pacify her.

What is the challenge mam….

“I am worried that my son is not being treated the way other children are being treated in his class. I only came to school to ask why and nobody is explaining anything to me. They are making it look like my son is lying . I am very close to this boy and I know everything that happens here”.

At this time , I could see that going back and forth wouldn’t work … and telling her the truth right there really won’t help both parties.

It’s called emotional intelligence, that’s part of what we are teaching the parents in our ongoing course .

I knew I was going to tell her what I think is the truth , however the timing was so wrong. I was eventually able to help her calm down and I took my time to talk to her.

I introduced myself and that made her comfortable with my counsel. I told her I would speak to the school authority and find out exactly what happened , then get back to her for further conversation.

Graciously she agreed .

Let me tell you why she agreed ;

I didn’t start telling her right there and then that I knew better or that I was a better parent.

I didn’t go proving a point to her that what she said was invalid ; Infact I empathized with her to the point that she said I was the only one who understood her.

I was calm , while was going through her cycles of anger , I didn’t met agression with aggression.

That was exactly what the school didn’t offer her .. instead they told her what she was experiencing might not be true .

Emotional intelligence is one strong point lacking in our system , everyone is in a hurry to prove a point while we can achieve more by thinking.

By the time we parted ways , I shared my social media contacts with her and she followed me immediately. This was intentional as I wanted an Avenue to share with her that she was over-parenting her son.

Fast forward to some days after ; she came to me with the question ,

“Ma, I am the lady you spoke to at my son's school some weeks back, I am thinking of my reaction in my son's school after I read a part of your book connects To correct, do you think I am over parenting my 10-year-old son?

Boom there we have it…. Correction is not an emergency. It was a beautiful moment.

This was my response to her ;

“If you find yourself always arguing with teachers, and other caregivers about their rules and the way your child is treated, it may mean that you are over-parenting your child.

Trying to micromanage how other people treat your child isn't healthy. Children benefit from learning different rules in different environments.

This is one of the signs of over-parenting.

Do you think you are over-parenting your child? “

At this time , it was very obvious she was guilty and all she asked was “What can I do differently ma?”.

We are currently on a 6month one on one personalized plan on her parenting journey as she is also on the waiting list of the inner circle program for 2023….

After every session we have had , she would call me to cry some more ; and say “So this is how I would have destroyed my son”.

Do you think you are over parenting your child?

Would you like me to share other signs of overparenting?

Be Intentional.

©️Wendy Ologe
Parent Coach & Author

FROM INTENTIONAL PARENTING PLATFORM #

This from a concerned parent who is intentional about how we can best parent our children

Are you a MOTHER?

Do you know a MOTHER?

Do you have a MOTHER?

Do you want to understand how a MOTHER shapes lives? 🤔

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Click the link and join the conversation with others on a platform provided by the *Family and Human Life Unit* as part of activities marking the *2021 Family Week*.

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5 to 7 minutes into the interview, the lady looked at me, shook her head and said the 3 words that mean a decision is irrevocable...."I am Sorry".

When an Oyinbo looks at you and does a crisp wry smile that barely lasts a second, and then utters the 3 words....your fate is sealed.

You may not even see any movement across the lips, cheeks or face. But it must always come before the 3 words.

Anyway, those 3 words mean they cannot help you further, and there is no amount of begging, emotional appeal, crying or sentimental display that will make them change their mind.

"I am sorry, it is hard to believe that you have studied competitively for 17 straight years and you do not have a practicable experience that you can apply or adapt for the role you have applied for".

She glanced at my CV once again before looking at my boyish innocent face.

"Did you pay a professional for this CV" she asked?

"No" I quipped. "A professional CV writer would have probably spotted my lack of experience....."

"Yeah, you are right. I agree". She interrupted me. "Honestly, it is hard to believe that your CV doesn't even show any holiday work experience. Sorry where are you from again if you don't mind?"

"Nigeria"

"Did you ever work during holiday?"

"No"

"And you are not a prince?"

"No" (Half smiling).

"Well, you are not the first from that area that I have interviewed in the last 12 years I have been doing this. All of you seem to have that brain knowledge but without adequate work experience to match it".

To cut the long story short, she confessed to me that based on CV alone, I was the most qualified of the final 5 candidates, and I was the last to be interviewed. She was expecting a sweep off from me, but all I did was a whimper.

She gave me a business card and told me to use her as reference.

"They will help you to build up your experience with one of their jobs. We can't offer you this role. It will definitely go to one of the other four with lower qualifications but right experience".

She crossed out some lines and changed some of the words in my CV to action words connoting responsibilities. She liked it she said, but it was empty in real substance.

She deflated me, and yet built me up. But I learnt my lesson! Though I missed out on being a pioneer HR Officer for that Raddison Hotel somewhere around Leicester Square, I still walked out full of hope.....but yet with deep anger towards the educational system that nurtured me on 6334 without adequately preparing me for challenges beyond book knowledge.

Please, whenever Universities are on holidays or on strike, let the students go and do apprenticeship.

When one of my students during my lecturing days showed me his account, I nearly fainted. He was a builder, a plumber, and an electrician.

He only had lectures 3 days a week, the remaining four days were for his father's business. His dad gets a contract, and he worked full time like other employees so that most of the contract money won't go to strangers. They were from one of these Eastern European countries. I loved him more when he showed me the BMW he wanted to buy....CASH! I couldn't dare it!

Truth is, one can learn many of these artisans' trade whilst studying and gradually build experience and make money over time. What it means is that you will never be stranded anywhere.

In Israel, both males and females undergo intense military training by the time they are 18. Today, an average Israeli is a reserved combatant waiting for activation should there be a need for it regardless of their age.

To the fathers who have businesses, don't train other people's children alone, train yours too.

Don't send them to holiday lesson all the time. Only send to holiday lessons those that are academically weak. Nonetheless, find their strengths and build on those.

Mothers with shops in the market, take your daughters with you and allow them to handle customers, negotiate, make orders, and audit your stocks! That's part of what we call procurement here. Marketing, Customer Services, Communication, Auditing, Procurement skills and etc have just been added to their experience.

If you have an office, let your children go there during holiday to master administrative roles. Let them photocopy, take calls, fax, send emails, compose letters, receive letters and file documents in appropriate places. Administrative skills and Communication Skills, and Record Keeping skills have been added to the kitty.

Truth is, most of us were made to 'eat books' for years, but those made to use their brains will coordinate those that fed their brains only without other equipping processes being perfected.

I just pray we can do the right thing for once in our lifetime. Let us find skills that will function well for us and many of the students kicked out of school could have continued until they get the spark to greatness.

Albert Einstein will be labeled dull, dyslexic, even autistic or schizophrenic, by a considerable number of today's experts and interested parties, thank God he lived during an age that 'organised education' was not in existence.

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