21/02/2022
I saw a mother screaming at the top of her voice at a teacher as I walked into the school for a meeting.
Some weeks ago , I was in a school for a session with the school management on creating a curriculum to incorporate soft skills and other aspects of learning in their school. And also for trainings for their teachers and parents.
I was a bit disturbed as this show was right in the presence of the pupil. I had to ask that I speak to the parent myself as obviously the school management couldn’t pacify her.
What is the challenge mam….
“I am worried that my son is not being treated the way other children are being treated in his class. I only came to school to ask why and nobody is explaining anything to me. They are making it look like my son is lying . I am very close to this boy and I know everything that happens here”.
At this time , I could see that going back and forth wouldn’t work … and telling her the truth right there really won’t help both parties.
It’s called emotional intelligence, that’s part of what we are teaching the parents in our ongoing course .
I knew I was going to tell her what I think is the truth , however the timing was so wrong. I was eventually able to help her calm down and I took my time to talk to her.
I introduced myself and that made her comfortable with my counsel. I told her I would speak to the school authority and find out exactly what happened , then get back to her for further conversation.
Graciously she agreed .
Let me tell you why she agreed ;
I didn’t start telling her right there and then that I knew better or that I was a better parent.
I didn’t go proving a point to her that what she said was invalid ; Infact I empathized with her to the point that she said I was the only one who understood her.
I was calm , while was going through her cycles of anger , I didn’t met agression with aggression.
That was exactly what the school didn’t offer her .. instead they told her what she was experiencing might not be true .
Emotional intelligence is one strong point lacking in our system , everyone is in a hurry to prove a point while we can achieve more by thinking.
By the time we parted ways , I shared my social media contacts with her and she followed me immediately. This was intentional as I wanted an Avenue to share with her that she was over-parenting her son.
Fast forward to some days after ; she came to me with the question ,
“Ma, I am the lady you spoke to at my son's school some weeks back, I am thinking of my reaction in my son's school after I read a part of your book connects To correct, do you think I am over parenting my 10-year-old son?
Boom there we have it…. Correction is not an emergency. It was a beautiful moment.
This was my response to her ;
“If you find yourself always arguing with teachers, and other caregivers about their rules and the way your child is treated, it may mean that you are over-parenting your child.
Trying to micromanage how other people treat your child isn't healthy. Children benefit from learning different rules in different environments.
This is one of the signs of over-parenting.
Do you think you are over-parenting your child? “
At this time , it was very obvious she was guilty and all she asked was “What can I do differently ma?”.
We are currently on a 6month one on one personalized plan on her parenting journey as she is also on the waiting list of the inner circle program for 2023….
After every session we have had , she would call me to cry some more ; and say “So this is how I would have destroyed my son”.
Do you think you are over parenting your child?
Would you like me to share other signs of overparenting?
Be Intentional.
©️Wendy Ologe
Parent Coach & Author
FROM INTENTIONAL PARENTING PLATFORM #
This from a concerned parent who is intentional about how we can best parent our children
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