What Cancer Naija

Unfortunately, some people use religious texts or societal expectations to pressure others into forgiving, often without considering the individual’s unique situation or emotional needs. This can be harmful and invalidating, especially for those who have experienced significant trauma or abuse.

It’s important to remember that forgiveness is a deeply personal process, and it’s not up to anyone else to dictate how or when you should forgive. Each person has their own journey towards healing, and it’s crucial to respect and support that journey, even if it doesn’t involve forgiveness.

When someone tries to pressure you into forgiving by quoting Bible verses or implying that you won’t find peace without forgiveness, it’s okay to set boundaries and communicate that forgiveness is a personal choice. Remember that your feelings and experiences are valid, and you deserve to approach healing in a way that feels authentic and empowering for you.

Q: What does the Bible say about forgiveness and is it read out of context?

A: The Bible contains many passages about forgiveness, and it’s true that some people may interpret these verses out of context or use them to pressure others into forgiving. However, when read in their full context, the Bible emphasizes the importance of forgiveness as a way to release bitterness, promote healing, and emulate God’s love and mercy.

Here are a few examples of Bible verses about forgiveness:

- “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
- “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14-15)

These verses suggest that forgiveness is both a command from God and a means of receiving God’s forgiveness ourselves.

Q: I don’t understand the concept of forgiveness
Is it an act, action or feeling

A: Forgiveness can be a complex concept, and it can mean different things to different people. Generally, forgiveness is a process that involves letting go of resentment, anger, or bitterness towards someone who has wronged you, and making peace with what happened.

Forgiveness can be both an act and a feeling. As an act, it involves making a conscious decision to release negative emotions and move forward. This doesn’t necessarily mean forgetting what happened or reconciling with the person who hurt you, but rather choosing to no longer let the past control your present.

As a feeling, forgiveness involves experiencing a sense of release and relief from the negative emotions associated with the hurtful experience. This feeling may come gradually over time as you work through your emotions and process the situation.

It’s important to note that forgiveness is a personal choice, and it’s not always easy or necessary. Some situations may be too painful to forgive, and that’s okay. The most important thing is to prioritize your own healing and well-being.

2 people in the same house, one is praying for snow and the other is praying against it 😂😂 Who is nature going to favor in this epic battle 😁

Healing comes with clarity.
Change must happen in order to accelerate.
You will get your message- what you need to do, what you need to change and you will understand it in your heart because it will feel right.
In this phase, you will enjoy time with yourself and the opinions of others especially in your mind will not matter.
You have been pulled out of darkness into His marvelous light, step into it .
God is bringing everything together and I will not miss it.
Blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.
I am in my cocoon stage and I now understand what to do with it.

Trauma and Abuse
If you are not ready to do the work and also get a bit of therapy, the process takes longer and you might self sabotage along the way.
I have come to what I understand is my Cocoon stage, I didn’t know what to do with it, till I got my answer today.
Focus is getting my body back to kingdom order, especially after years of being in flight and fight mode.
My mind must be peaceful and clear.
I let God heal and mend what was broken, and I must be still for that to happen.
We are conditioned to keep going, to keep pushing and grinding even when a season calls for rest.
Rest feels uncomfortable and yet it is necessary and an act of self love.
I should be focused on healing my body and renewing my mind. Giving myself time to decompress. I have been cheating this season by not slowing down.
I am going to rise and thrive, but for now I must understand what needs to be done in this season and do it PROPERLY.

My healing journey.
There is no wrong or right way to heal, but the process is important and will determine how you come out on the other side.
I had been restless and anxious about an aspect of my journey and I finally got the answer today.
I am healing from a lot of things, the end of my marriage was just the icing on the cake that made me realize I was not in alignment with self.
I am having to go way back to my childhood.
I am working on recovering and walking into a brand new beginning after over 40 years of ignorance.
Healing is not a bad thing when you understand what needs to be done to go into your new season.

The dark side of family relationships that we refuse to see because we are in denial.

As seen on Facebook
Growing up, we often think that the way our family operates is “the way things are.”

If your family is chaotic - you believe that’s how relationships are.

If your family hides things they don’t want others to know - you believe imperfections are shameful.

If your family only accepts you when you sacrifice yourself - you believe love has to be earned.

And these lessons are exactly what’s taught in narcissistic families.

There’s a “way of being” in narcissistic families.

Certain people have certain roles (and you can’t change them).

Certain people get away with things that others can’t (and you’re not supposed to say anything about it).

Certain rules have to be followed (or you’ll be punished).

So it’s like you grow up in a maze, randomly hitting dead ends, and having to redirect to try to find a safer route.

And by the time you reach adulthood, you’re deep in the maze of unmeetable expectations, lies, and manipulation learned from your narcissistic family.

And the worst part is - you don’t even know you’re in a maze!

Because you grew up thinking this is “familiar” or “just the way things are.”

Which is why so much of healing (especially at first) is realizing what you’re even dealing with.

Much like a cult, there’s a lot of “deprogramming” you have to go through-

To unlearn what you learned.
To undo what they did.

To discover “you” - maybe for the first time.

How would you describe being in a narcissistic family?

It’s seen as ingratitude to talk about things like this, but how do you make changes without going to the root cause. These things come back to bite a lot of people especially in the area of their mental health and interactions with others outside the family.
Change isn’t a bad thing if it’s for a good cause/reason.
Making excuses for these situations doesn’t make them go away and doesn’t absolve people of the role they played.

We say “you need to heal” to people.
What if the person doesn’t know what healing feels/looks like. Healing is not just about that relationship, bet you didn’t know that.
What if she doesn’t know how or where to start.
Is there a time frame for healing?
When the drama in my life started, I was confused.
I had plans of trips, events and growing old together.
I had personal plans with the thoughts of a partner rooting for me.
I now understand what people go through and why some words are not exactly comforting or needed or should I say, right words at the wrong time.
Please go back to your foundation and clear out the trash. A lot of things are happening to people because they keep recycling old patterns and habits.
There are toxic variations of love, you need to unlearn what you think relationships should look like in your head.
Do you know what love is ?
There is intrigue and attraction.
You can be in love with someone and the person isn’t in love with you.
There are interesting relationship dynamics in the Bible, but like I have been reminded, they didn’t have exes to deal with. The issues in 2024 are so different 😁
How to know you are ready for love again 😀
1. You don’t struggle with accountability
Your habits won’t change if you are not self aware.
When you are accountable, you learn how to apologize without deflection or manipulation.
2. You create and enforce boundaries in every aspect of your life- family,work,friends and relationships
3. When your relationship with God is no longer surface like and transactional.
4. When your last relationship and past trauma are no longer a stronghold. You have addressed and engaged your trauma, you didn’t suppress, hide or ignore.
Let your trauma speak to you so you can learn the lessons needed.
Confession.
I spent my life walking around with trauma and yes it followed me into marriage and got worse because I wasn’t with the right person/ got married for the wrong reasons, but you can also be with the right person and still have unresolved trauma.
The person could be a trigger, but the onus is on you to deal with the trauma.
Face your TRAUMA.
Ask questions !
What went wrong and what can you learn from it

I am different
I am unique
I am special
I am not ordinary
There is nothing ordinary about my life
I am extraordinary
I am a different breed
The life of God is at work in me.
I will not leave until I leave a mark on the face of the earth
I will do things that the world will not recover from
I will change systems and narratives
AMEN.

Never have the mentality of a slave.