23/03/2025
As for those women whole ill-will you have reason to fear, admonish them [first];
then distance yourself in bed, and then tap them; but if they pay you heed, do not
attempt to hurt them. Surely, Allah is indeed the most High, the Greatest.” (Q 4:34)
This verse is often quoted for justifying the ruthless dominance of patriarchal males
demanding obedience from their wives- to the point of disciplining them through physical
punishment!
But let us analyze it with Qur’anic wisdom. Firstly, the “fadl” or preference is related to
responsibility, so there is reciprocity between this privilege and responsibility. The fact
is that it is through Allah’s benevolence that he gets this “fadl” should make a man God-
conscious. So, if he is given this authority or preferential responsibility, it is
accompanied by a heavy mandate and obligation. He cannot abuse the “fadl”. The
purpose of this “fadl” could be attributed to the fact that a family functions harmoniously
when there is leadership and authority in it, manifested through fulfilling duty and mutual
co- operation.
It is wrong to conclude from this that as men (or women) have some “advantage” in one
respect, they are therefore superior to the other. The right attitude should be for each s*x
to think that it is deficient in certain aspects, which can only be complimented by the
collaboration and co-operation of the other as essential for its perfection and healthy
growth. In other words, it should never fancy such ideas as its own excellence, but
should consider itself dependent upon the other for its own perfection. The Qur’an has
beautifully described this relationship of the two s*xes in these words: “And among His
signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in
peace with them, and He has shown you mercy and love between your hearts. Surely in
that are signs for those who reflect.” (Q 31:21)
The issue of NUSHUZ
Verse 4:34 has commonly been used to Justify Wife beating. How can this can be
explained?
NUSHUZ could be defined as animosity, hostility, rebellion, ill- treatment, discord,
violation of marital duties on the part of either husband or wife. In this context, a wife’s
“ill-will” implies a deliberate, persistent breach of her marital obligations.
The verse of Surah Nisa’ has attracted great attention from both within the Beliving
community and without: “As regards those women on whose part you fear defiance and
ill- conduct, admonish them (first), (next) separate in bed, (and last) tap them (if they
still persist in their defiance); but if they cooperate and pay you heed, do not look for
excuses to harm them. Note well that there is Allah above you all.” (Q 4:34)
In the context of the above verse the most appropriate meaning for nushuz is marital
discord (ill- will, animosity etc.) The process suggested is necessary, otherwise it is inviting the likelihood of divorce without any reconciliation procedure, and this will
contravene the Qur’anic guidance. The separation could be temporary or permanent
depending on the reconciliation procedure, and this fits in very well with the divorce
procedure that the Qur'an describes. Therefore the more accurate understanding of the
above verse would be: (4:34) “…As for those women whose animosity or ill- will you
have reason to fear, discuss the mater with them, then separate in bed, then tap; and if
they pay you heed, do not seek a way against them.”
The verse following the above verse gives further weight to the above translation. (4:35)
“And if you fear a breach between them (the man and the wife), appoint an arbiter from
his folk and an arbiter from her folk. If they desire amendment, Allah will make them one
of mind. Lo! Allah is Ever Knower, Aware.”
An added weight to the meaning outlined above is given by verse (4: 128), where in the
case of man the same word, nushuz, is also used. Note too that as ill- treatment emanating
The husband sends this, and reconciliation is encouraged! “If a wife fears ill- treatment (nushuz) or desertion (i’raad) on her husband’s part, there
is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such
settlement is best…” (Q 4:128)
In the same surah, we read, “Whoever among you; men or women, are guilty of this
crime (impropriety/ obscenity), punish them both; then if they both repent and reform
themselves, leave them alone, for Allah is Most Generous in accepting repentance, and
Merciful in forgiving sins.” (4:16)
As previously mentioned, women could only be taken to task when they were guilty of
open obscenity. The verse (Q 4:16) clearly states that whoever commits open
licentiousness, man or woman, must be punished. It may here be mentioned that this
open obscenity or licentiousness (nushuz) means obscenity short of adultery and
fornication.
If a wife fears that her husband is going to be excessive, there is the same process for the
wife too. She can advise him first. Psychological pressure of withdrawing closeness and
intimacy? But why is there no reference to physical pressure, like a symbolic slap or the
like? The wife is not required to slap her husband, guarding against the possibility of
physical retaliation and its dire consequences. However, she has access to an injunction that is better than that; to sit down with respected members of the community, (if need be with a
judge), and draw up a contract with the man, which says: You have done this or that- if
you do it again, these will be the consequences. In other words, she is getting the
community behind her.
Three steps for regaining marital harmony or an amicable settlement
We note that in the event that there is disruption of marital harmony, the Qur’an suggests
three ways to get things back on track. In order of preference, they are.
(Step 1) Wa’z (admonition, consultation and discussion). This is the preferred method
suggested for regaining marital harmony and is the same mechanism discussed in the
Qur'an for the purpose of coordinating activities among all groups. Consultation can be
between the parties (as in 4:34) or between the two parties with the help of arbiters or
hakim (4:35, 4:128). Wa’z or admonition implies advising and reminding one of the
consequence of one’s actions; this in a way that softens the heart of the listener (16:125)
and making him/ her incline favorably to your words.
(Step 2) Wahjur (to separate in bed; time and space boycott, at least one night). If
consultation does not lead to marital harmony, the second suggestion is of time-out, a
phrase to denote a separation in time and/ or space between two people. This is a form of
psychological pressure. Note that it is avoidance in the house or in front of the family,
children and so forth.
The purpose of that act is to solve the problem well- known not to belittle the woman or
uncover the secrets that are going on. However, it is a reaction to her act of nushuz and
recalcitrance by avoiding her and turning away from her in hope that this will lead to
reciprocity and togetherness. It can be for an intermediate cooling off period only, or
could presumably continue for an indefinite amount of time, whereas in the context of marriage, mean divorce.
(Step 3) Daraba (a gentle strike or tap: an expression of physical pressure) If the first two
methods are used in their preferred order to the fullest extent, the need for the third
method of a strike would not be reached.
A famous Multi- meaning word “Daraba”
The problem of abuse comes from the word “Idribuhunne” which is usually translated as
“beat them”. The root of this word is “Daraba”. If one consults an Arabic dictionary
you would find a long list of meanings ascribed to this word!
The list is one of the longest lists in the whole Arabic dictionaries and has so many
different meanings. In the Qur’an, depending on the context, one can ascribe different
meanings to it, i.e:
To travel to get out: 3:156; 4:101; 38:44; 73:20; 1:273
To strike: 2:60; 7:160; 8:12; 20:77; 24:31; 26:63; 37:93; 47:04
To beat: 8:50; 47:27
To set up: 43:58; 57:13
To give (examples): 14:24-45; 16:75,76,112; 18:32,45; 24:35; 30:2858; 36:78; 39:27,29;
43:17; 59:21; 66:10-11
To take away, to ignore: 43:5
To condemn: 2:61
To seal, to draw over: 18:11
To cover: 24:31
To explain: 13:17
Thus, in the Qu’ran alone wa witness the verb “Daraba” having at least ten different
meanings. “Daraba” has also other meaning which are not mentioned in the Qur’an. For
example in the Arabic language, you do not print money-- you “Daraba” money, you do
not multiply numbers-- you “Daraba” numbers, you do not cease the work—you
“Daraba” the work-
Webster’s Dictionary gives fourteen meanings to the verb “strike”: hit (against); ignite;
(of snake)bite; (of plants) (cause to) take root; attack; hook (fish); sound (time) as bell in
clock; affect; arrive at, come upon; enter mind of; discover (gold, oil etc.); dismantle;
remove; make (coin); cease work as protest or to make demands. The same dictionary
gives eight meanings to the verb “beat”: strike repeatedly; overcome; surpass; stir
vigorously with striking action; flag (wings); make, wear (path); throb; sail against wind.
When we encounter a multi- meaning word, we select the proper meaning according to
the context, form and common sense.
Why the “Daraba”?
Why has the Qur’an included the method of a “strike”? The Qu’ran always emphasizes
doing good and abstaining from evil. If the Qur’an is looked at as an integrated and
cohesive text, situations can be identified where the Qur’an calls for the prohibition of
certain things in stages. For example, whereas early revelations discourage the use of
intoxicants (2:219, 4:43), the final revelation on this matter clearly condemns and
prohibits them (5:93-94).
This is where there is a need to understand the historical context in which the Qur’an was
revealed.
