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Wendy Ologe | The Intentional Parent

Helping parents raise excellent children

How To Control Your Emotions Before They Contro Your Life.



Published On - January 21, 2023

The Intentional Parent



Have you ever said something especially to your children or partner, that you regretted? Do you have fears that prevent you from taking risks that would benefit you? If you answered yes, you are not in control of your emotions, and believe me, you are not alone. Gaining control over your emotions helps you become mentally strong, and the good thing is that anyone can become better at regulating their emotions. The flip side is that if you don’t learn to manage your emotions, they can make a mess of your life.
Emotions are powerful and it’s been proven that emotions are the base by which we thrive as humans. Many people believe that they manage their emotions well because they don’t talk about them or respond. Ignoring emotions like anger, sadness, embarrassment, guilt, etc is not the same as having control over your emotions. Your emotions are a determinant factor in how you:

Interact with people.

Spend your money.

Spend your time.

How do you deal with your challenges, and

Who you become.



There is no success without your ability to manage your emotions. For you to succeed in managing your emotions, there are factors you have to handle, and they are;

Impact Of Emotions. Many of us do not know that emotions have impacts. Acknowledging and being conscious of them is key. Intense emotions are not bad rather emotions make our life exciting, unique, vibrant, etc. It is natural to be overwhelmed with emotions from time to time when something wonderful or terrible happens but it is vital that you know when there is a problem. A conflicting marriage or friendship, a limitation on your social interaction, or constantly having troubles at work or in school are examples of the impact of emotions. Another sign of emotional impact is Numbing Feelings: Having the urge to numb a feeling or feelings by intake alcohol or drugs to calm your nerves or make the feeling go away shows that you are struggling with your emotions. In addition, is Physical Outbursts: Thinking that yelling when trying to discipline someone, is an impact of irresponsible emotional regulation.

Accept All Emotions: All emotions are valid but it is what you do with them that makes the difference. Anger is a valid emotion and can get you success but it depends on how you handle and how you turn it around matters.

Regulating Emotions: Your inability to say how you feel is a disaster, and your inability to name how you feel is a bigger disaster because for you to manage any form of emotion, you must learn what that emotion does to you. Repressing your emotions won’t help you.

Get Help: Allow help!! Allow yourself to be helped. When you are in trouble or going through emotional turmoil, seek help. Bottling things up can make you anxious or depressed which will end in placing you on drugs. The drugs will do nothing for you.
There are things you can’t control like the death of a loved one and there are things you can control and influence. So when you find yourself in things that are out of your control, you build skills that can help you in that circle of influence. Here are ways by which you can achieve that: 1. Label Your Emotions: Before you can change how you feel, you need to acknowledge what you are experiencing. A lot of people can’t name their emotions because they’ve not been taught how to unmask their emotions, e.g if the school authority calls to let you know that your child was caught in exam malpractice. The normal reaction will be to shout, yell, and hit the child in the name of being angry but in the real sense, it’s embarrassment and shame. When you handle the problem from the angle of anger, it can’t be dealt with properly because you haven’t named what you are feeling. 2 . Reframe Your Thoughts: In Philippians 4: 8, states, ” Finally brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, things that are of good report if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” There is a process and skill of reframing your thoughts. Your thoughts affect the way you perceive events. You need to learn how to consider the emotion filter through which you view the world from. If you can’t control your emotions, you are still viewing the world through the lens your parents gave you and you’ve not been able to refine it. 3 . Create A Strategy: Creating a strategy to work on your emotions or practicing emotional regulation skills is key. If there is no strategy and you do not go through a curriculum, you cannot change. Your change is not in who you are but in who you are becoming. When you gain control over your emotions, you become a better person.



Emotions are the control valve of your life. Troubles will never cease to come. When they come, what do you do? Being able to control your emotion is essential. The parenting journey is a tough one. As a parent, how do you manage that situation? Emotional control is not a prayer point but a skill.

Awwn, such an amazing Daddy!

Intentional Parenting

Wendy Ologe | The Intentional Parent

Helping parents raise excellent children

How To Raise Disciplined Children

Published On - February 11, 2023

The Intentional Parent

Discipline is a common challenge faced by many parents and often stems from our past experiences as children while growing up. The traditional notion of discipline is often associated with being aggressive and confrontational with children. However, many parents who claim to be strict and not tolerate misbehavior from their children still struggle in their parenting journey. This is because they have misinterpreted what discipline truly means and instead have substituted it with inappropriate methods, such as physical punishment.

When asked to describe our parents, many of us may describe them as disciplinarians because they used corporal punishment as a form of correction. However, this is a flawed understanding of what discipline should entail.

Many children today are lacking discipline, and this is not due to a lack of punishment or yelling, but rather a lack of understanding about what discipline actually entails. Raising disciplined children requires a proactive approach, rather than just waiting for a miracle or relying on frustration. To achieve this goal, it’s important to:

i. Gain a deeper understanding of the concept of discipline
ii. Apply this knowledge in practical ways
iii. Take active steps towards implementing your understanding in your parenting.

Regrettably, many of us as parents struggle with discipline in our own lives. We may have trouble managing our time, following through on commitments, or making decisions based on our rational thoughts instead of our emotions. I recently shared this insight with a group of parents on the topic of self-discipline. If you find yourself unable to control your emotions, it could indicate a lack of discipline in your life. Discipline is about having a plan in place to reach your goals, and this involves acquiring knowledge and skills. It requires the ability to complete what you start, to separate your thoughts from your feelings, and to make decisions that align with your priorities, even if it means sacrificing comfort.

It’s important to recognize that discipline is not a problem for children, but rather a challenge for parents. An undisciplined parent cannot expect to raise a disciplined child.

As a parent, it is important to establish clear structures and routines, and to effectively manage your time. In many our African clime , the typical approach is to wait for a child to make mistakes before “disciplining” them. However, this approach does not help the child build the skills they need to succeed. For example, if a child is struggling with a task and chooses to do it their own way, despite being advised otherwise, it is not effective to simply wait for them to fail and then punish them. Instead, it is important to use this as an opportunity to teach the child and help them build skills that will allow them to thrive. Punishing a child for making mistakes, such as through hitting, kicking, or yelling, does not help them learn and grow. Instead, it is more productive to use the failure as a tool for learning and skill-building.

So, let’s examine the traits and skills of highly disciplined parents.

Commitment: Commitment is not just a choice, but a skill that is developed over time. Highly disciplined parents are committed to their tasks and don’t give up easily, even when the process is challenging. They also don’t bail out their children when they have committed to something.
Finishing What They Start: Highly disciplined parents have a belief that giving up is not an option. They stay committed to difficult projects until the end and do not let failure define them. Instead, they see failure as an experience that can be used as a tool for learning and growth.
3.Positive Sensory Orientation: Highly disciplined parents have a positive outlook and focus on the positive aspects of every experience they encounter. They avoid succumbing to negative emotions and remain motivated to succeed.

Do Not Get Fluttered. Highly disciplined parents are not led by their moods but by their minds. For you to learn how to play by your mind, you should be able to work on your emotions. Be able to define and label your emotions, and know how to work on them.
Set Boundaries. They know where to draw the lines/set boundaries. They know what to say, how to say it, and when to say it. They are not flippant with words.
Highly Independent. These set of parents raise independent children and what sets up independent children is raising responsible children.
Eager to Learn. Highly disciplined parents see themselves as evolving. They are always interested in ensuring that they learn new things, and they believe in reaching their goals and also believe that there is no one way to reach those goals. Their eyes are on the goal and that’s why I always say that an intentional parent follows a goal while an unintentional parent follows the crowd.
Strengths of Their Imaginations. They use their imaginations a lot and it’s a strong factor for them. They build the ability to create ideas in their minds and start working on them. They are self-disciplined and it is essential when it comes to emotional intelligence. Without self-discipline, you can’t achieve anything.
Plan and Organize. Highly disciplined parents don’t take or live the day as they come. They plan and work with a manual and principles that they follow. They look at what it is that they are about to do and why they ought to do it.
They Don’t Worry About Time. Their time is always structured so they know what to do with their time because they are organized. They change the tide of time to suit their plan.

To become a highly disciplined parent and raise a well-disciplined child, what steps should you take?

i. Teach Your Children to Become Responsible. At the core of the discipline is responsibility. Children need the discipline to thrive and to thrive with discipline, they need responsibility. There is age-appropriate responsibility even for a one-year-old. What molds and makes children are habits and skills that transform. When you don’t help them inculcate those habits. You are raising an irresponsible person. You have to increase their responsibility quotient by teaching them how to respond to issues and you achieve that by modeling and not yelling or hitting.

ii. Emotions Control. Your children need to know and understand how to react to life outside of their emotions. They should know how to identify their emotions and put a check on them. Let them understand that bottling up their emotions isn’t the same as managing their emotions. Teach them how to express those emotions.

iii. Commitment and Consistency. Educate your children on how to be committed and consistent, and not give up even when things are tough. If you don’t teach them how to be consistent, they’ll grow up to be unstable.

iv. Equip Them with Skills. There are skills your children need to have in order to thrive in life. You can read about them in my previous posts. You don’t have to wait for them to make mistakes before you teach. As a parent, you have to be proactive and figure out how to teach your child what to do at the right time. teach them to focus on what they’ve started and finished up.

Discipline plays a critical role in parenting and is essential for success. It involves using the right skills and knowledge to achieve your objectives. Intelligence or talent may not be necessary for success, but discipline is. To be successful, it’s important to understand how discipline works and how to implement it effectively. Quick fixes, like physical punishment or yelling, are not effective solutions and will not produce the desired outcomes. Instead, it is crucial to raise children who are guided by their mind and not their emotions, and this starts with you as a parent. To be an effective and emotionally intelligent parent, it is necessary to have the right tools and knowledge.

The Becoming an Emotional Intelligent Parent course is a great opportunity for anyone, regardless of their profession or background, to learn how to master their emotions and discipline. The course will take place on February 15th, 2023, and promises to be an enriching and transformative experience. Don’t miss out on this opportunity to grow and become a better parent.

Register for the Emotional Intelligence Course here: https://selar.co/emotionalintelligentparent or pay #18,500 to 0509494057 (GTB). The Intentional Parent Academy.

Send proof of payment to 09036633600.

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Family culture is made up of the traditions, purposes, values, and beliefs of a family.
In a Christ-centered home, that means that God’s Word is the foundation of your family culture. Reading and studying God’s Word is an important part of cultivating it. As parents, we cannot expect our children to grow in Christ if we are not growing ourselves. We have the blessing of setting the tone for how God’s Word is viewed and valued.

Second, how do we realistically cultivate a family culture? We must be intentional, we must be consistent, and we must be patient.

Intentional - We must incorporate the foundation of our family culture into our daily lives. God’s Word should be a daily discussion in our home. Reading scripture to our children, discussing moral and world issues through the lens of the Word, and instilling Biblical truth are impactful ways we can cultivate a family culture and build up our children to be loving truth seekers.

Consistent - There are days when we as moms are just done. Times when we don’t want to put the work in because we aren’t seeing the fruit. Moments when we are tired and just want to zone out rather than show up. We cannot give up on those days. We must push through and remember what it is we are working towards. Galatians 6:9 has become a verse that rings in my ears on the days the work feels hard and want to give up.

"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up".

Patient - Family culture takes time. The hard work you put in will not pay off overnight. Just like I cannot plant seeds and expect to see blooms the next day or even the next week. We can’t expect our family culture to be cultivated in mere days, weeks, or even months. But one day, after consistent tending, we will see the blooms of change in our families.
One day, our children will make a connection between what you have been teaching them and the world around them. One day, our children will show kindness because you have instilled Christ’s love in their hearts. One day, your children will come to you to discuss a hard issue or concern because they know you are a place to seek prayer and wise counsel.

There is no magic formula to cultivating a family culture overnight. Building relationships take time and what you pour in will be poured out. Placing God as the foundation of your family culture and Christ at the center is the first step, a big step, but every little step of showing up and putting in the work after that matters.

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