27/06/2024
Morality Discourse: The Selfishness in Divorce
by
Okoemu Okoemu Okoemu, Son of Man- S.O.M
A great part of the reason for divorce is blamed on the toxicity in the union. This i believe is merely an excuse for divorce. Every problem in marriage that leads to divorce are known from the outset, prior to marriage. The thing is that the couples choose to be ignorant of them or be blind to them all simply because of the benefits they stand to enjoy in the course of the marriage. Nothing a spouse turned out to be that was not in him or her from the very beginning. If you are saying your spouse is a be**er, a nag, a cheat or whatever, he or she didn't copy and starts being so just at the moment, those traits have been there from the very beginning. This is why even the mother church encouraged that all the ground work be done before one can come for marriage. Find out if your partner is abusive, toxic, a cheat, a perveate or on the other hand if he or she is complete in terms of biological makeup and otherwise, is he impotent or is she barren? Is he or she of the appropriate genotype or blood group and what have you? And most importantly, it is clear that no one is perfect however, are you prepared to tolerate and endure his or her excesses in the course of the marriage? Most people do not give a dime about any of the above perhaps because they are so desperate to get married or that they are so afraid that it will jeopardize their benefits.
Many people cannot call off a wedding because of what they stand to loose as in material things. A lot of people marry because of material gains as such, nothing else matters to them. This is why once the so called benefits stop coming the marriage will hit the rock. There would not have been much qualms about the marriage hitting the rock if not that in most cases child (ren) is involved and like what people fail to realize, the victim of divorce is not the husband or the wife, it is the child or children. The children are in a dilemma in such circumstances. They are or found themselves in a state of comatose. If you are a school teacher like myself or you have had the privilege to manage or work with children, you will understand that children of divorce homes are not just children, they are the true victims of divorce. It is for their sake you are suppose to do your homework and decide from the outset whether to get involved in that union or pull out without anyone getting hurt. But that is not the case, because people are so selfish, they proceed with marriage, why? The fear of loosing the material benefits from the spouse. People marry for different reasons, some for financial security, some for prestige, some for the mere idea of being married, some for class struggle while for some others it is for social protection. As it is now with most African living overseas, they get involved in marital union to anything and anyone; for what end? To enable them have the permit to be free in such country. These are far from the reason for marriage. The essence for marriage is companionship and procreation.
People don't care if they want to be each other's companions they are so concern about other things to be gained which are really not what mattered. Then when things don't work out as they envisage it, they get angry, pi**ed off and call for divorce. Marriage, a sacred vocation has become a mockery tool of contract that could expire within the shortest space of time. When the church and we the conservatives says there is absolutely no reason for divorce, we are saying there are practically many tasks that must be fulfilled before venturing into marriage and they are under studying your partner to know their true character to ascertain if it is what you can bear, tolerate, manage throughout the reminder of your life. There is nothing in this world that is a bed of roses. Everything stands the test of time because there was understanding of that thing. There are people who have spent over fifty years in their marriage union and still moving on. It is not the case that they had it all good, no. But that they understood themselves and know what they wanted from the union.
When you see a child who used to bobble is not keeping to himself, find out properly, get close to him, divorce has taken on his parents. Children who became victim of divorce suddenly withdrew from their regular self, their academic performances drastic decline and their creativity would drop. They are thinking about what side to pledge their loyalty. This is usually a critical dilemma they don't know who to trust. They are traumatized.
For the sake of your children, divorce should not be an option. This is why you should have seen clearly all the danger signs, all the red signals in the cause of courtship and resolved to pull out and not getting in and producing children, then you are pulling out. It doesn't make any sense. Every partner in marriages knew the odds before getting into the marriage. It is mere excuses saying you didn't know he or she had such character or he or she pretended. No, you pretended not to have known when you where supposed to have known.
Children are victim of abuse because by divorce you both have exposed them to danger and mockery or do you think their mates do not mock them? You are joking. They always feel attack anytime someone is raising issues of divorce, you denied them the love, care and protection the ought to enjoy from Parenthood simply because they are thinking about yourself. For instance if you say your wife is a nag, you have to divorce her for your own sake, yet she goes with the children, the nagging you couldn't tolerate, the children should go and tolerate it. They will learn and become nags as well. You divorce your husband because she is a cheat and you left your children with him to have freedom to watch him bring different ladies home, what do you expect those children to learn simply because you are personal about your own sanity? The list is endless, you leave a marriage and you leave your children to swallow all that you refused to swallow. Are you still wondering why there are deviant children and youths everywhere? It is better you stay single than getting married and divorce especially with children involved. There is no need to lie to ourselves, you had a foreknowledge of your partner characters you choose to ignore because of yourself. Your selfishness.
