Dr. John S. Balogun

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Good evening sir, please I need more clarity concerning relationship. In a situation someone sees a man who has same mind (like the scriptures says we should make friend with people of the same mind). Now, these two people started having a relationship in their minds, although they won't marry each other because the man has a wife already, but they are just friends. Please my question is, is it right to keep building the relationship even if they have just fun which I think can actually leads to s*x?

Response by Dr. John S. Balogun:

Thank you very much for your question and for seeking clarity.

The situation you are describing is one that the Bible addresses with great urgency because it involves the "deceitfulness of the heart."

While it is true that we should seek fellowship with those of "like mind" (Philippians 2:2), this scriptural principle is intended for the building up of the Body of Christ, not for creating emotional or physical intimacy with someone who is already bound in a marriage covenant.

The idea that a man and a woman can build a deep, "fun" relationship while acknowledging they can never marry is a dangerous spiritual trap.

Proverbs 6:27-28 asks very pointedly, "Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched?"

By continuing to build this relationship, you are essentially playing with fire. You mentioned that this friendship "can actually lead to s*x."
This is a typical example of making "provision for the flesh."

Romans 13:14 commands us to "make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill the lusts thereof."

If you stay in a situation where you know sin is a likely outcome, you are no longer walking in friendship; you are walking in disobedience.

You must consider the third person in this equation: the man's wife.

Matthew 7:12 tells us to "do to others what you would have them do to you." If you were the wife, would you want another woman having "fun" and building a "one-mind" relationship with your husband?

By engaging with him this way, you are participating in the betrayal of a holy covenant.

Hebrews 13:4 says marriage should be honoured by all. This means even those outside the marriage must respect its boundaries.

To build a relationship with a married man that borders on s*xual intimacy is to dishonour God’s institution of marriage.

The Bible warns us in Jeremiah 17:9 that "the heart is deceitful above all things..."

Your mind may tell you that this is just a deep friendship, but your spirit is already sensing the danger. This is why you are asking for clarity.

True "same-mindedness" in Christ would lead both of you to flee from this situation to protect your souls.

1 Corinthians 6:18 does not say to "negotiate" with s*xual immorality; it says to "Flee!"

Clarity comes when we stop trying to justify what we know is wrong. If a relationship is leading you toward sin, it is not from God. The most "Christian" and loving thing you can do for yourself, for this man, and for his wife, is to cut off this relationship immediately.

Matthew 5:30 says if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off. It is better to lose a friendship than to lose your peace and your standing before God.

Cheers.

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The sunday service kicked off exactly 8am and it was time to sing hymns.

The Pastor selected the song, “Oh what a wonderful, wonderful day; day I will never forget, etc.”

Then, the chorus, “Heaven came down and glory filled my soul; when at the cross, my Saviour made me whole; my sins were washed away and my night was turned to day; Heaven came down and glory filled my soul”.

Just when I was ascending into the sanctum Sanctorum, I saw a lady from the congregation leaving the church; immediately I felt a nudge in my spirit saying, ‘follow her’. Like Philip went after the Eu**ch of Ethiopia in Acts 8, I went after her and traced her to her house.

I knocked gently on her door and waited for her to respond; she opened the door, saw me and went back to sit down, backing me.

With the door opened, I entered. I got myself a seat and sat down.

I wanted to talk but I felt another nudge in my spirit saying, ‘keep quiet’, so I kept my mouth shut.

After a little while of silence, she turned around and faced me, her eyes were red and engorged with tears. She had been crying.

I still kept quiet.

Then she said, “I’m sorry I couldn’t stay inside the church because I do not have any ‘wonderful day’ to celebrate and I was feeling guilty singing that song, that was why I left”.

I still kept quiet.

After a while, amidst sobs, she asked me, ‘Can I also experience such a day? Can God ever forgive me my sins? I have been committing fornication, even till last night, I have had abortion twice, can God ever forgive me?’, she continued to cry.

Then, I felt a release in my spirit to now talk.

I told her, “My dear, what you are experiencing now is God’s love in action; if you will make a decision for God and say from your heart, ‘Oh Lord, I have come to the end of myself, I need You in my life, I am sorry for my sins. Forgive me. I believe in Jesus Christ as my Saviour and Lord’, heaven will come down and fill your soul”.

Amidst tears, she confessed her sins and embraced Jesus; heaven indeed came down and the glory of God overshadowed her.

It was very dramatic; the tears of sorrow were displaced by tears of joy; the joy was visible. She was forgiven for ever. I was so happy that someone had come to know the Lord.

Then, suddenly I had a trance; God opened my eyes.

I saw several angels dancing and celebrating.

While in that trance, I asked, “what’s going on here?”, they replied me and said, ‘we are rejoicing because another person’s name has entered the book of life’.

At that point I remembered the words of Jesus Christ in Luke 15:10, “I say unto you, there’s joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner that repents”.

With an overwhelming joy, we both walked back to join others in the church. It was an experience I can’t forget.

Jesus is more real than you can imagine but you can never know how real Jesus is until you give Him a chance in your life. He is waiting for you, even you, to transform your life also. Amen.

Feel free to share
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Dr. John S. Balogun

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The period between 7 and 10 years of age is the time to objectively look through our child training strategies to see if it is producing the expected results.

A lot can still be done to groom and mold into what we desire them to grow with. At this stage, you will see clearly what they are growing up to become.

This is the period that most of our children will begin to experience a major change in their lives, involving the physical, emotional, cognitive, social and spiritual aspects of their lives - PUBERTY.

Age of onset of puberty, when children begin to experience the rapid growth and development of their s*xual reproductive system, both inwardly and outwardly, is dropping globally.

Girls now begin to experience puberty as early as 8 years and boys as early as 10 years of age.

Like I said in my earlier writing, 'Do not allow your children to be exposed to an experience they are not prepared for'.

This means that you need to teach them about puberty. Tell your girls that soon, they will begin to grow breast, grow taller, grow hair in their armpit and va**na area, grow hips and all of these will make them very beautiful and attractive to both boys and men. Teach them about menstruation that very soon they will be bleeding through their va**na every month and that it's a sign that they are developing the capacity to become pregnant and become a mother if they allow a boy or man have s*x with them.

You should not be ashamed or shy to teach your 7, 8, 9, 10 years old girl any of these. If you don't teach them correctly from the house, I can assure you they will be taught from outside and very likely incorrectly.

Teach your boys that soon they will experience rapid growth in height, in their muscles, in the size of their p***s and they will grow hair on their face, armpits, around their p***s, their voice will become deeper and they will wake up one day to notice that their pants is wet with something that is sticky - let them know it is called wet dreams and it's because they ej******ed while sleeping.

Teach your boys that the moment they start experiencing wet dreams, it's a sign that they have developed the capacity to get a girl pregnant and become a father if they ever have s*x with a girl.

It's recommended to teach them about this in preparation for the experience because unless something is wrong with your child, he or she will experience puberty. Children who are properly informed are able to grow through this period smoothly without much difficulty because as soon as they encounter anything that's not clear to them, they would quickly come to discuss it with you since you were the first to start up the discussion with them.

But if they first receive s*x education from someone outside, you cannot be sure what your child is being fed with. Research has shown that as far as it has to do with teaching children about puberty, parents are the most reliable source of information. So, perform your duty and equip them with what they need to know while you watch them grow through this very challenging period of their life.

This is where the importance of correct content comes in; s*x education should be taught holistically; if you are not sure what to teach them, please don't tell them myths or lies or anything untrue. If they find out you told them lies or anything untrue, they will lose trust in you and it maybe difficult wining back their trust again.

If you have not done these with your children and they have already advanced into the Adolescent and adulthood, you need to make efforts to reach out to them with apologies for your failure and then start up with them.

If you don't know what to teach them or how to prepare them for puberty, I recommend you enroll for the next batch of our monthly FREE Online Certificate Course on How to teach Children and Adolescents age-appropriate s*x education. You can send a WhatsApp message to this number, +234 815 098 9646 to join the waiting room.

I am Dr. John S. Balogun, a Children and an Intentional Parenting Advocate - my advice is that you should not allow your child to dabble into an uncharted sea, they may drown but when you have prepared them for it, they will have a nice time swimming through the same sea.

In parenting, timing is KEY!

0 to 6 years is the ideal time to train a child. It is the time to put in them what you want them to grow with.

They were not born stubborn. If they become stubborn, they learnt it after birth. If they grow up admirable, humble and godly, they learnt it after birth too.

This is the period to watch them for any negative habit they brought home from school or from neighbour's houses for you to correct them and knock off such habits.

This is the period to watch the way they talk to adults and correct them if it is wrong.

I still remember how my mum gave me a hot slap as a child when I responded, 'It's a lie', to what an adult was saying. As I looked at her with teary eyes after the slap, she said, 'Don't ever call an adult a liar again'. It's been decades, I haven't called an adult a liar since that time. Even when I know that the adult is lying, I would look for a respectful way to convey my disagreement or disappointment.

The love language of a 0 to 6 year old child is 'time'. They will like the toys you bought for them but they will never forget the time you spent with them. It is the memory they will grow up with.

Spend time with them. Make them sit when they want to run around, read when they want to play games, play outdoor when they want to sit in the living room to watch movies, teach them patient when they want it now, etcetera.

You can't teach them any of these if you don't spend time with them.

This is also the time to work on their tastes for music, movies, social media, etcetera. You are supposed to sit with them to show them what is good and what is bad in the movies they are watching and the music they are listening to.

Social media contains both good and bad. You are to build their taste for the good and desensitize them against the bad, otherwise they will swallow everything that comes their way or shows up on the screens.

As a rule of thumb, do not expose your child to an experience you haven't prepared them for. If you must take them to any party for celebration, discuss with them what to expect and the type of behaviours you expect from them.

If at the outing they misbehave or disobey your instructions, visit these when you get home to imprint the lessons you want them to learn on their mind using their misbehaviour as correction tools.

You must intentionally build godly culture in them so they don't learn from ungodly models and grow wild.

This is the best time to apply the rod of correction to make them behave well. Like I have taught in previous articles, the rod of correction does not literally mean using only cane. The rod of correction means using scriptural, cultural, scientific and moral instructions to guide them to the right path. If you must use cane, it's fine but ensure that you don't flog a child out of anger. First calm down and allow them to calm down too before applying the cane. You are expected to bring them up in the love and admonition of God.

From day 1, let your goal be to pass on your faith to your child on or before age 6. The God of Abraham became the God of Isaac, the God of Isaac also became the God of Israel. Let your God become the God of your children.

There's no greater achievement in this life than, at your old age, to see your children serving and loving the Lord. A child you do not train to love God may become a thorn in your flesh as you age. So, be intentional about passing on your faith to them. Be diligent and pray for your child to know the Lord personally by age 6. It looks ambitious but it's possible.

Ages 7 to 10 is a transition period between childhood and Adolescence when you need to review the outcome of your training strategies to see if there is anything to drop, pick up or modify. I will talk about this tomorrow by God's grace. Afterwards, I will talk about the preteens and the teens.

Connect with me through my WhatsApp Channel to ensure you do not miss any of the articles.

I am Dr. John S. Balogun and I strongly believe that with intentional parenting, we will be able to suffocate any unwanted trait in our children even before it manifests.

Every child deserves a fighting chance against cancer, regardless of where they live. Yet, for many families in rural communities, the road to a diagnosis is often too long and too late.

I am honoured to join the Okapi Children Cancer Foundation for their annual Dear Doctor series. I will be leading a vital discussion on "Addressing Rural Inequities in Access to Timely Childhood Cancer Care", where we will explore how we can bridge the gap and ensure every child in Nigeria has access to life-saving treatment.

Event Details:
📅 Date: April 25, 2026
🕙 Time: 10:00 AM
📍 Platform: Zoom (Meeting ID: 846 5990 5708 | Passcode: 803310)

Knowledge saves lives. Register now to be part of the solution
🔗 Register here: https://bit.ly/Deardoctor2026

Let’s work together to ensure that no child is left behind.
__________
Dr. John S. Balogun
Paediatric Oncologist

When you meet people, be nice. Many out there are hurting.

Sometimes, we hide our own pains to give helping hands to another person who is in pain. This is humanity.

Do not let your pain numb you from showing empathy to people who are hurting.

When you think you are having a bad day, someone may be thinking of 'ending it all'. Let them see a need to live another day just because they met you.

Words are powerful. It is a two-edged sword that can heal and also make someone break down.

I was involved in an accident that almost teared me apart some years ago. My daughter sustained severe brain injury and was in coma in the ICU.

My wife had a fracture and was on admission in the surgical ward.

A family friend had taken over the care of my son while I was running around doing the errands at the hospital.

I needed all the support I could get. Many people came around to encourage me and pray for us. I was managing to live until a "friend" came to misuse his words:

He said, "You must have committed a sin for such a thing to have happened to you; that's why you were not sensitive enough not to travel with your family that day".

Those words broke me. I said to myself, "The 'god' he's talking about must be a very terrible 'god' to have punished my sins against him by attempting to eliminate us in a crash; that cannot be my God. Even if I sinned against Him, He is full of mercies and would forgive me".

My friend felt he was talking theology, not knowing he was crushing a soul.

Dear reader, when next you find someone in pain, struggling to get married, get a job, finish school or pass an exam, don't be too quick to talk about "the reason why you feel they are having such experience", rather show your humanity.

Show them that you care. Lend a helping hand. Offer a loving counsel. Be a friend. Listen at least twice as much as you speak. Some of them just want to empty what's going on in their mind. Give the listening hears and hold their hands to pray with them.

I am Dr. John S. Balogun, I have grown through pains, frustrations and disappointments and I have learned to just be nice, because people are hurting.

If we spend half the time we spent training our girls to train our boys, we would be contributing significantly to the changes we desire in our world.

Many of us pamper our boys, indulge them and allow them have their ways differentially compared to the way we handle the girls.

If you are such a parent, you need to repent from today. Put eyes on your boys. They have a lot of influence on ladies out there. If you don't train your boys well, they may end up lazy, indulging, irresponsible, women abusers, bullies, etcetera.

I have seen many men who don't even know how to boil water in the kitchen, who cannot even make their own beds. I always ask this question, 'who raised these men?'.

In many culture, especially in Africa, girls are usually known to be the "domestic gender," but things are changing and we have to de-genderise domestic chores.

You must intentionally train your boys to do domestic chores. Domestic chores are not 'gender specific duties'. No law says it is girls that must wash the dishes, sweep the house, cook the meals, etcetera. Boys can do all of these too. Teach them to do it.

I am a boy (now a man), my parents raised me and my other 3 brothers with these domestic skills and it has helped us to live a more responsible life.

Many parents are falling into the temptation of training househelps in place of their own children. The househelps can do everything but their children cannot do anything. This is one of the errors of this generation. We must turn a new leaf.

Start early to engage your boys in these homely duty and begin to create in them the sense of family responsibilities.

In addition, As your boys grow, teach them about who a girl is, a special creature of God who is to be watched over, protected and cherished.

Train your boys to respect girls and protect them. To never abuse, ridicule, talk in a negative way, bully or ever allow any other person do these to any girl.

Let your boys know that they should never have a reason to quarrel with, raise their voices on or raise their hands to beat a girl.

Men who grow up with unbendable ego started developing it from childhood. Teach your boys humility, to say 'I'm sorry' when they are wrong, etcetera.

If we put these efforts in place and build these consciousness in our boys as they become gentlemen, we will not have any of them become a bully, ra**st, s*xual molesters, drug addicts, etcetera.

Fathers especially have to be aware that our boys are our first and direct mentee. They learn everything, I mean everything from us.

I often take my son along with me on most of my outings and one day one of my colleagues called my attention to the way my son was walking elegantly just like I was doing.

My boy usually come to the kitchen whenever I am in the kitchen, and he would request to know what he could do. When the Mum is in the kitchen, he would go there to either ask for something to eat or simply to disturb. But if it's me, he wants to be useful too. He now does more house chores than even our daughter.

Fathers, please ensure you provide proper mentorship to your son. He watches you and he's learning from both the things you want him to learn and the ones you don't want him to see.

If you are the type who insults your wife, or beat your wife, or bully women, your son is learning and most times, negative attitudes multiplies when it is being transferred to the next generation.

If as a father, you don't assist your wife in domestic chores and would rather go lock yourself up either watching TV or studying, your son is learning.

Most of the times, I don't cook because my wife is a better cook than I am but whenever I come back from work, I would just go stay with my wife in the kitchen, as she's doing the cooking, I would be talking with her and providing assistance.

We must practice inclusivity in our respective homes, don't focus only on the girls, neglecting the boys.

Since the industrial revolution, women no longer stay at home as house wives, they now also go to work to support family's finance and build productive careers. If you're raising your son without domestic skills, your son may experience frustration when he grows up to discover that his wife (futuristic) is not at home to do the cooking and the domestic chores.

We have raised many virtuous girls who unfortunately will end up in the hands of improperly trained boys.

Intentional parenting will help us to spend as much time training our boys as we do the girls.

I am Dr. John S. Balogun, I advocate for intentional parenting because when we are not training our children THE WAY THEY SHOULD GO, THEY WILL BE TRAINED THE WAY THEY SHOULD NOT GO by the world around them.

If you find this helpful, please share with other parents, especially fathers, too.