Ishesh Learning Centre

In other words, to realize we are all connected

Love this clarity. Easier said than done so these reminders are helpful.

Thank you, Dr. Nicole!

Thank you for this valuable information

"Speaking up for yourself can make anyone anxious. But if we prepare ourselves by practising we can do it without letting our big feeling silence us. Kids standing up for themselves has a lot of benefits…
👉 They will feel comfortable saying no
👉They will feel more confident and strong
👉They will find their independence not rely on others to save them
👉 They will develop solid and healthy relationships with peers who align with her morals and values
👉They will unlock the inner power.

Let's work with our kids to help them face these challenges independently"

(Original post: June 30)

Mmmmm fake crying 🙃 It can be one of our least favorite things as parents. It’s loud, it’s whiney, & it usually levels up riiiiight around the time we’re cooking dinner with a baby on our hip.

Fake crying is NOT manipulation - it’s communicating a need. Your toddler’s brain is still developing - it doesn't have the language or impulse control to communicate their actual needs.

So how do we handle fake crying? We're going to approach it the same way we deal with "normal" or "valid" crying. We want to show our kids that we hear them, their words are valid, and we’re here for them. Trust me, in 15 years, you’ll want your child to feel secure in coming to you about ANYTHING, even if it seems kind of “silly” or “dramatic.”

✨STEP 1: HEAR THEM + Repeat their need/want✨
“You want another episode of Paw Patrol. I get it, that’s hard.”

State the underlying need/want in the tone you wish to hear. Bring your voice down, model that calm tone. Avoid laughing, dismissing, or getting angry at the fake crying.

✨STEP 2: HOLD THE BOUNDARY✨
“And, we’re all done with Paw Patrol. It’s ok to be sad/mad. I’m right here with you.”

Holding boundaries consistently is key in preventing future fake crying. If your toddler starts crying for more TV, you’re exhausted and go, “Fine! One more episode!” guess what happens? Next time it's time to turn the iPad off, or leave the park, or get the candy at the store, your toddler just learned that if they cry, they’ll get exactly what they want.

This is NOT manipulation. This is healthy brain development! Your toddler is exploring everything in their new world, constantly trying to see cause and effect (if I jump in a puddle, what happens? If I cry, what happens?) This is their JOB. It’s our job as parents to hold the loving boundary.

Now, if you’re seeing an uptick in fake crying, there might be a bigger underlying need like a new baby in the house, a big change such as moving or new school, etc. Check out our highlight called 10 Min Miracle for a game changing strategy. 🙌

✨Struggling with tantrums, power struggles + unwanted behavior? Our course Winning the Toddler Stage is here to help! For parents of kids ages 1-6. Link in bio!✨

What to do when kids won’t listen | Listening tip #4

Consider your ratio of correction/direction vs connection

If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who always tells you what to do and when to do it and demands that you hurry up and do more or corrects you for doing it poorly - all the time - you probably avoid listening to them. You would rather be listening to anyone else.

But when someone who truly sees you and hears you and values you asks for your help, you’re always more inclined to listen and participate in what they’ve asked you to do. Spend time building relationships together, doing things together, and working out solutions together. Connection creates a desire for compliance far more than correction and direction.

Learn more in my upcoming webinar here - https://www.happyfamilies.com.au/shop/product/what-to-do-when-kids-wont-listen

So much of misbehaviour (but not all of course) is due to the brain being hijacked by their amygdala (the fear detector of the brain) which causes them to go into a stress response of fight-flight-freeze-collapse-- this is about self-preservation and protection. A brain trying to protect itself is not a brain that is ready to learn. It is a brain that needs connection and security before it's ready to make a different choice.