Kimberly Brenner LCSW - Marriage Counseling

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# Why Do I Feel This Way?

"Why do I feel this way?"

It's a question I hear from women all the time.

Why am I so angry?

Why am I unhappy when my life looks perfectly fine?

Why does everything he does irritate me?

Why am I so resentful?

Why am I suddenly questioning the life I created?

And perhaps the most frustrating part is...

**I don't know why.**

I think there's a reason we can't always see the answer.

Some parts of ourselves have been hidden for a very long time.

Maybe I learned that good women don't get angry.

Good wives don't want too much.

Good mothers put their children first.

Nice girls don't disappoint people.

Successful women should be grateful for what they have.

So what did I do with the parts of myself that didn't fit those rules?

I hid them.

The ambitious woman.

The sexual woman.

The angry woman.

The woman who wanted freedom.

The woman who wanted attention.

The woman who wanted to say no.

The woman who wanted something completely different.

Those parts didn't disappear.

**They went underground.**

And now they may show up as resentment, irritation, judgment, frustration, restlessness—or a reaction that seems much bigger than what just happened.

That's why I pay attention to my triggers.

When someone's behavior creates a surprisingly strong reaction in me, instead of immediately asking,

*"What's wrong with them?"*

I can ask,

**"What is this reaction revealing about me?"**

Maybe the woman I judge for being selfish has a freedom I don't allow myself.

Maybe the outspoken woman irritates me because I've spent my life being quiet.

Maybe I'm furious that everyone expects so much from me because I've never learned to say, "No."

My reactions may be pointing toward parts of myself I've rejected, denied, or simply forgotten.

So perhaps the better question isn't:

**"Why do I feel this way?"**

Perhaps it's:

**"What part of me is trying to be seen?"**

Because what is hidden isn't necessarily something bad inside me.

It may be a part of me that has been waiting a very long time for permission to come home.

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Sometimes the words are right. They’re just landing in the wrong place.

You’re trying to express hurt. He hears criticism. You’re asking for connection. He feels like he’s failing.

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