Marija Attard - Systemic Therapy for Couples & Families

The 5 love languages.

How do you give and receive love?

Acts of service

Initiating s€x

One of the most common questions I hear is: "Is this normal?"

When it comes to intimacy and s*xual wellbeing, there is no single "normal" that applies to everyone. What matters most is that your intimate relationship is built on honesty, respect, consent, safety, and connection.

S*xual health and relationship well-being

S*xual health is more than s*x

What therapy can look like.

Common patters we can get stuck in.

𝙎𝙚𝙭𝙪𝙖𝙡 𝙃𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙩𝙝 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙍𝙚𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥 𝙒𝙚𝙡𝙡𝙗𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙜

S*xual health is rarely just about s*x. For many people, it is tied up with stress, trust, body image, past experiences, relationship patterns, family messages, and how safe they feel in themselves and with others. When something feels difficult in this area, people often assume they should be able to sort it out privately, or that it is too awkward to speak about. In practice, these concerns are common, deeply human, and often more relational than they first appear.

At its heart, s*xual health includes physical wellbeing, emotional safety, consent, communication, pleasure, respect, and the ability to make informed choices. It is not measured by how often someone has s*x, whether they are in a relationship, or whether their experiences look a certain way from the outside. What matters more is whether intimacy feels safe, mutual, and aligned with your values and needs.

𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙨𝙚𝙭𝙪𝙖𝙡 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙩𝙝 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙞𝙣𝙘𝙡𝙪𝙙𝙚𝙨

People sometimes think of s*xual health in narrow medical terms, such as contraception or testing for infections. Those things do matter, but they are only part of the picture. S*xual health also includes how you feel in your body, how easily you can communicate boundaries, whether desire feels pressured or freely given, and how conflict or disconnection in a relationship affects intimacy.

For some, the difficulty is clear. There may be pain during s*x, low desire, mismatch between partners, worries about performance, or a loss of trust after betrayal. For others, the problem feels harder to name. They may notice tension, avoidance, shame, resentment, or a growing sense that intimacy has become loaded with anxiety rather than closeness.

This is one reason a broader, more compassionate view matters. If s*xual difficulties are treated as isolated symptoms, people can end up blaming themselves or each other. If they are understood in context, there is often more room for curiosity, relief, and change.

𝙎𝙚𝙭𝙪𝙖𝙡 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙩𝙝 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙭𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙧𝙚𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥𝙨

In long-term relationships, s*xual health often reflects the wider emotional climate. If conversations regularly end in criticism, if one partner feels unseen, or if there is a pattern of withdrawing and pursuing, intimacy can become strained. S*x may start to carry meanings it was never meant to hold - reassurance, proof of love, apology, control, or fear of rejection.

That does not mean every s*xual concern is caused by relationship difficulties. Sometimes there are physical, hormonal, medical, or psychological factors that need attention in their own right. But even then, the relationship around the issue matters. A couple facing low desire may cope very differently depending on whether they can speak openly without blame. A person living with pain may feel more supported if their partner responds with patience rather than pressure.

This is where a systemic perspective can be especially helpful. Instead of asking, "Who is the problem?" it asks, "What is happening between you, around you, and within the pattern you are both living in?" That shift can soften defensiveness and make hard conversations more possible.

𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙥𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙣𝙨 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙢

Many couples fall into predictable cycles without meaning to. One partner raises the issue because they miss closeness. The other feels criticised and pulls back. The first then tries harder, perhaps through repeated conversations or frustration. The second withdraws further. Over time, s*xual health becomes wrapped up in tension and both people feel lonely, though in different ways.

These patterns are not signs of failure. They are often attempts to protect oneself from hurt. One person may pursue because distance feels frightening. The other may retreat because pressure feels overwhelming. Understanding the pattern does not remove the pain, but it can reduce blame and create space for a different response.

𝙎𝙝𝙖𝙢𝙚, 𝙨𝙞𝙡𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙨 𝙥𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙮

Few people grow up with calm, emotionally healthy conversations about s*x. Many are shaped by silence, embarrassment, moral judgement, cultural expectations, or confusing experiences. Some have learned that s*x should simply happen naturally. Others have absorbed the idea that wanting too much is shameful, or wanting too little is wrong.

These messages do not stay in the past. They often show up in adult relationships as anxiety, avoidance, guilt, or difficulty expressing needs. Someone may struggle to say no because they were taught to keep the peace. Someone else may struggle to say yes because closeness has never felt fully safe. A couple may care for each other deeply and still find themselves stuck because neither learned the language for these conversations.

This is why s*xual health deserves gentleness. Shame tends to make people smaller, quieter and more defended. Safety tends to help people speak. Often, the first step is not fixing anything immediately, but naming what has been hard to say.

𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙛𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡 𝙨𝙪𝙥𝙥𝙤𝙧𝙩 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙝𝙚𝙡𝙥

Support can be useful long before a situation reaches crisis point. If s*x has become a source of conflict, sadness, pressure or distance, it can help to have a structured space where both practical and emotional aspects are taken seriously.

Therapy can support people who are experiencing low desire, pain, difficulty with arousal, mismatched libido, s*xual anxiety, communication problems, betrayal, identity questions, or the impact of stress and life changes on intimacy. It can also help individuals who are not in a relationship but want to understand their feelings, boundaries, past experiences, or sense of disconnection from their body.

What matters is not whether your concern seems serious enough from the outside. If it is affecting your wellbeing, your relationship, or your sense of self, it deserves attention.

𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙖𝙥𝙮 𝙢𝙖𝙮 𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙠 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚

In a supportive therapeutic space, s*xual health is approached without judgement or pressure. That might involve exploring how a problem developed, what meaning it has taken on, and how it connects to communication, stress, family history, or past experiences. There may also be room to discuss boundaries, consent, expectations, body image, and the emotional impact of repeated misunderstandings.

For couples, therapy often helps slow down conversations that quickly become reactive at home. Instead of arguing about frequency or who is to blame, partners can begin to understand what each person is feeling underneath the conflict. One may be carrying rejection. The other may be carrying fear, shame or exhaustion. When those deeper experiences are heard, change often becomes more realistic.

Using a systemic lens, I support people in exploring emotional and s*xual wellbeing within the context of their relationships and lived experiences.

𝙇𝙤𝙤𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙛𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙚𝙭𝙪𝙖𝙡 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙩𝙝 𝙞𝙣 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙙𝙖𝙮 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚

There is no single formula for healthy intimacy, because people, relationships and life stages vary. Still, a few gentle principles can make a difference.

Open communication matters, but timing matters too. Difficult conversations tend to go better outside the bedroom, when neither person feels exposed or cornered. Speaking from personal experience rather than accusation can also help. "I miss feeling close to you" usually opens more space than "You never want me".

It can also help to widen the definition of intimacy. For some couples, s*xual pressure decreases when touch, affection and closeness are no longer treated as a demand for in*******se. This does not solve every difficulty, but it can rebuild safety where things have become tense.

Paying attention to stress is important as well. Exhaustion, parenting demands, grief, anxiety, medication, hormonal changes and unresolved conflict can all affect desire and comfort. This does not mean intimacy is impossible during hard periods. It means s*xual health often improves when people stop treating it as separate from the rest of life.

If there are concerns about pain, infections, contraception, erectile difficulties, hormonal shifts or other physical symptoms, medical support also has an important place. Emotional and relational care is not a replacement for healthcare. Often the most helpful approach is one that considers both.

𝘼 𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧 𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚

People often come to this subject carrying a sense of urgency. They want to get back to how things were, stop arguing, feel normal again, or remove a problem quickly. That wish is understandable. At the same time, change in s*xual health is not always linear.

Sometimes improvement begins with fewer arguments rather than more s*x. Sometimes it begins with being able to say, honestly, "I feel anxious" or "I do want closeness, but I need it to feel safer". Sometimes the most meaningful shift is moving from silence and self-blame to shared understanding.

If s*xual concerns have been present for a while, it makes sense that they may take time to unpack. There may be practical steps, emotional work, and new ways of relating to learn along the way. That is not a sign that things are hopeless. Often, it is a sign that the issue deserves care rather than quick fixes.

S*xual health is not about meeting a standard. It is about building a relationship with yourself and, where relevant, with a partner that allows for honesty, respect, safety and connection. If this part of life feels confusing or painful at the moment, you do not have to force your way through it alone. Sometimes the most healing place to begin is simply with a conversation that feels safe enough to tell the truth.