Weilan Coaching and Training

📧🙄☕ Tea time? Seriously? On a Tuesday afternoon with my email inbox in triple digits?! When a client did a last minute cancellation, she opened a window of opportunity for me.

I could have stayed at my desk but I made a conscious choice to work differently, to slow down and change my perspective.

I took a 10-minute walk to the Hotel Royal Luxembourg and chose a quiet table in the lounge. I brought my copy of Daniel Kahneman's landmark work: Thinking: Fast and Slow.

Oddly, it was one of the few English books in the window of a small bookshop in Tangiers, Morocco. I bought it over a year ago and I'm in no hurry to finish it.

I browse the chapter headings like I'm lifting the lid off a nice box of chocolates. So many choices!

As a leadership coach, I find that there are many passages worth re-reading for my own and my clients' benefit.

It's a challenging work to summarise but if Kahneman's is known for one key idea it would have to be the dichotomy he uses to describe how the human brain functions:

System 1 or System 2

System 1 thinking is what goes through your mind when you look at my photo on the left. Whether you're conscious of it or not, your brain makes instant associations and assumptions.

You react to the following visual cues:

⭕ grey hair = experience or expertise
⭕ business suit = important or wealthy
⭕ neutral facial expression (not smiling) = not very friendly, etc.

System 1 is automatic and responsible for so many of our biases.
Like condensation on a window pane, they prevent us from seeing a person or a situation objectively.

What you DON'T see in the photo is my System 2 thinking.
Reading the chapter twice and writing it three times to best summarise the main ideas.

System 2 is conscious, deliberate and analytical.
I refuse to let ChatGPT play with this text, with MY words.
I'm not aiming for perfection, just authenticity.

I probably raise eyebrows when I post texts from the Dao De Jing on the importance of stillness. I realise that the importance I place over "being" runs completely counter to our fast-paced, "Do it Now", results-oriented culture.

But the message has never been more relevant.

Slowing down to speed up meaningfully.
I find it a bit sad that we actually have to "give ourselves permission" to schedule a coaching session and regularly set aside time to think on a deeper level.

So, what if your boss sees you out of the office, sipping tea at this very chic hotel lounge?

Remind her that the best System 2 thinking is, by its very nature, invisible. Tell her that you are NOT daydreaming but thinking strategically.

You could also recommend the first flush Darjeeling. ☕

One of the Golden Rules of leadership coaching is that you can't take a client down a path you've haven't traveled yourself. This month's "destination" cannot be found on Google Earth. I took a spiritual journey which I began after a period of loss and grief.

The journey within is not all flowers and sunshine.

In fact, there are a number of dark spaces which must be crossed.

C.G. Jung would say that I encountered parts of my Shadow.

Saint Teresa of Avila would say that I went down a corridor in a castle.

This remarkable book, Spiritual Pilgrims had a profound impact on me. It fell into my hands when I needed consolation.

The author, John Welch, is a priest in the Carmelite order and had the brilliant idea of using the psychological insights of C.G. Jung to explore the imagery used by Saint Teresa of Avila (1515-1582), a Spanish nun, mystic and theologian.

Her work, "Interior Castle" was written in the last years of her very active life. In it, she provides a fascinating narrative of her soul’s journey through seven different “mansions” (each with rooms, courtyards and gardens) to her final destination where she unites with God, the source of all light, wisdom and peace.

Although each person’s spiritual journey is unique, Teresa guides us through the different stages to what the author and C.G. Jung call a “Higher Self”. Entrance to the castle and travel through it takes courage, humility and heartfelt prayer. According to Saint Teresa, "there are many obstacles and dangers along the way."

The task that she has set for herself is extremely ambitious but Teresa was gifted with a lively imagination and when words fail her, she resorts to images as a secondary mode of communication.

Welch explores the following images of Interior Castle through a Jungian analytical lens:

Castle, Water, Journey, Serpent, Devil, Butterfly, Marriage and Christ

The saint’s use of imagery and her intense inner experiences of the Divine, captured the interest of Swiss psychoanalyst C.G. Jung (1875-1961). They shared a remarkably similar interpretation of the above symbols (archetypes) as well as an understanding of the journey that each individual must take.

In Spiritual Pilgrims, Welch draws parallels between Teresa’s spiritual odyssey and what Jung called the process of individuation.

Individuation is what Jung considers to give meaning to our modern, disorderly lives. It is the process of becoming psychologically whole by embracing and consciously integrating unwelcome or unexplored aspects of ourselves. This is precisely what the Carmelite nun does with great patience and perseverance.

It is a deeply intimate journey. In the first mansion of her castle, she writes:

"It is foolish to think that we will enter Heaven without entering into ourselves."
It is interesting to note that Jung was born in a landlocked country (Switzerland) and Avila in the middle of Spain yet both journeys begin with water, an element which held tremendous attraction to them.

For Teresa, water represented the nourishment of the soul through prayer.

Teresa came from a large family but was closest to her older brother, Rodrigo de Cepeda y Ahumada, who pursued adventure and fortune overseas in the Spanish colonies of South America. Teresa’s journey was just as courageous as she navigated the often dark and stormy waters of her personal and collective unconscious.

A convent may seem like a refuge, however Teresa's interior castle was often cold, dark and filled with snakes, reptiles and devils. Only through meditative and mental prayer was she able to rise above these distractions.

Humans, she finds, "tend to be absorbed with possessions, honour or business affairs” and may not want to enter it at all. The serpents, she discovers, never fully go away. Even as the pilgrim draws closer to God, she states that they may appear in any of the mansions and "the soul is still distracted by their noise."

Teresa is an incredibly acute observer of what is going on in each mansion.

She also has a keen ear to the soft but persistent voice of “the King”/God whom she also considers to be a close and caring companion.

In the 4th mansion of the Castle she writes,

"For mental prayer, in my opinion, is nothing else than an intimate sharing between friends; it means taking time frequently to be alone with Him who we know loves us."

As a fellow Carmelite, Welch has a deep appreciation for Saint Teresa yet he also displays a solid understanding of Jungian psychology. He finds numerous similarities between their two remarkable lives.

Both of their writings were subject to considerable skepticism. All of Teresa of Avila's works were reviewed with intense scrutiny by the Spanish Inquisition. It was feared that her ideas were against the teachings of the Catholic Church and not Divinely inspired.

Female mystics were few in number and viewed with greater suspicion than their male contemporaries. In her isolation, Teresa was continually plagued with doubt.

As for Jung, a series of disagreements with Freud led him to resign his post at the University of Zurich and step down as President of the International Psychoanalytic Association. He then entered a long period of inner turmoil which he would later call his "midlife crisis".

His publications on the collective unconscious, archetypes, and the integration of spirituality into psychology were then considered controversial and alienated him from the mainstream.

Both Teresa of Avila and C.G. Jung may seem like difficult reads to the uninitiated, however the value in a book like Spiritual Pilgrims is its readability. Welch is able to explain the key concepts of her theology and his psychology in a simple, straightforward manner.

Not surprisingly, Spiritual Pilgrims won the National Catholic Book award in 1982.

This book helped me find peace and accept the complexity of my spiritual approach to life. It showed me that a bridge was possible between religion as a container for spiritual tradition, and the great mystery as to who we are and why were are here.

In 1959, just two years before his death, Jung was interviewed by the BBC. When questioned whether or not he believed in God, the professor smiled and then replied,

"I do not believe...I know."

Spiritual Pilgrims makes rich reading for those interested in psychology, spirituality and self-leadership.

Think of how many wonderful chance encounters can take place in a day!

A taxi pulls up to the stand and just who will the driver be?
It's the luck of the draw!

In the 30 years that I've been taking taxis, I have had drivers who were rude, reckless or indifferent to both pedestrians and passengers.

I recall a surly taxi driver in Tokyo who dropped me off further from my destination then when I had started!
Grrrr!
Yet, overall, I have had some fascinating conversations with drivers who were both friendly and helpful!

"Stay away from those so-called antique markets!"
a taxi driver in Chengdu warned me!

"None of those articles are genuine." or

"There's a beautiful photo opp of the Roman Coliseum coming up on your right. Roll the down the window, if you like! I'll slow down!

PARIS, JUNE 2024

Last week I took a taxi in Paris for what I thought would be a short ride (ha ha!).

For reasons unknown to me or the driver, the police had cordoned off the boulevard de Courcelles to the place de Clichy.

The taxi driver was cursing under his breath. He now had to find alternative roads through residential neighbourhoods. In order to slow traffic, elevated pedestrian zones had been installed.

As our taxi arounded a corner, we stopped sharply to let a young woman and her daughter cross.

The 5-year-old girl, walking behind her mother, looked up, smiled and waved "hello" to the driver.

The previously grumpy taxi driver had to smile back.
This shifted the energy in the taxi and a few moments later we started to chat.

INSIDE THE TAXI

"So what do you do for a living?"
"I'm a coach!"
"And what does a coach do?"
"A coach helps clients navigate change...or find alternative routes!"

I told him that I was fascinated by the amazing complexity of the human brain and in particular a phenomenon called neuroplasticity.

It is now understood that through its entire life, the human brain continues to grow and reorganise itself.

By picking up a new skill, learning a language, getting physical exercise or meditating, we can have a positive effect on how quickly our brains "fire"! These changes are measurable.

I gave the driver the example of a study published in 2000 in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences on London taxi drivers.

It was found that the spatial navagational demands put on this control group showed substantial growth in the hippocampal area of the brain.

Fun fact: the hippocampus produces 700 new neurons daily!

MY TRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE

I had the taxi driver's interest but my mind wandered back to the young girl who smiled and waved.

I flashback to my own childhood and the long car rides across the Prairie States of Kansas and Colorado on our summer vacation.

Two bored kids in the backseat with nothing to do but make up games.

We were left to our imagination!

Count the numbers on the passing license plates or....

Catch the attention of the truck driver behind us.

With one hand, we would pull an imaginary chord downwards.
The idea was to get the driver to use his horn and answer our request for a "honk"!

We used to keep score. We were kids - silly and innocent.

I don't know why I feel like I need to mention it here except that...in this age of AI, I can get a bit nostalgic for those spontaneous, playful and non-programmed responses.

The young girl in the crosswalk reminded me of something important:
our shared humanity.

A gentle smile, a wave of the hand --reaching out to someone for no other reason than it simply feels good to do it!

Journaling - the ultimate time management practice for busy people. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiQ-lbSLwik

Oh, Innocents abroad -- Two American students in Berlin in the 1980s.
When you’re 18 years old and it’s your first time in Deutschland….well,

Everything is funny!
Funny - odd (different, curious)
Funny - causing laughter!

This story begins with a keychain :
A plastic transparent one which I discovered recently at the back of a desk drawer…

It brought back a wonderful memory…one of laughing hysterically!

Let me explain.
My friend Paul and I were on a study abroad programme, and I was just getting by on a very tight budget.

Everything was “teuer” (expensive) and possibilities for entertainment were limited.

One Saturday night, we went out on the town.
Instead of walking to the city centre, we splurged and took the U-bahn…

A ticket controller came into the car.
“Tickets please!”, he said in a loud, authoritative voice.

I pulled mine out of my pocket but the man started shouting at my friend,
“Take your foot off the seat!”
“Sie sind nicht zu hause!!” “You are not at home!!”

Clearly, we were NOT at home!

Americans have this kind of “make ourselves at home” informality which is taken as disrespectful.

“What a grouch!”, I say to Paul.
“It must be the bad weather!” he remarks. “Has an effect on peoples’ mood!”

We wandered into a local pub….
the daily special is affordable: schnitzel…a breaded pork fillet.

It arrived on my plate served with a lemon wedge and potatoes.
I stared at its size…huge and heavy.
It didn’t even fit on the plate!
I had thought that I was hungry but not for this!

I picked up my knife. Where to begin???
Paul ate his much faster than mine.

“Come on! Finish up! What’s taking you so long?!”
I had the impression that this mysterious schnitzel got bigger with every bite!”

I probably needed the calories but had no appetite for it.
The waitress came by to see if we were having dessert!
Nein, danke. (Couldn’t afford it!)

So, we asked for the check.
“But you haven’t finished your schnitzel!” she said in a disapproving voice.

“That schnitzel”, I replied, “is the size of Minneapolis!”
She did not smile.

Paul and I left the restaurant to walk and digest our schnitzel but it started to rain.
We took shelter in the subway.

“Do you wanna call it an early evening?”, Paul asks.
I reluctantly consider this but then I see a wonderful and inexpensive possibility for entertainment….

A photo booth.
4 photos, 4 poses for 5 Deutsch Marks!
a bit… “teuer!” I say to myself. It would be the last of my pocket money but who cares!”

In any case, we had no intention of taking traditional identity photos.
Paul and I would share the stool and do 4 different interpretations of what we were experiencing.

Picture 1 “Let’s do the disapproving German scowl for the first shot!”, I suggested!

Picture 2 “And then we’ll play the pitiful, confused tourists!”

Picture 3 would be “Viel Spass” / “Great Fun” – and we would raise our eyebrows and display highly exaggerated looks of merriment.
I can’t remember the pose for Picture 4.

We practiced our expressions several times…with necessary pauses for our laughter!

After a final rehearsal, I leave the booth to drop my 5 Marks into the machine and retake my place on the stool.

"Ready?"
Nothing.
We were waiting for the green light to go on.

"Get ready to scowl!"
Still nothing…and then…
a strange “clink”.

I step outside the machine to discover what went wrong….
and start laughing.

“Damn it!”
“What’s the matter?”

I had put my 5 Marks into the wrong slot. Instead of paying for the photos, I had purchased a plastic transparent keychain – one made to hold one of the 5 x 15 cm photos.

“Oh, for God’s sake! I couldn’t even get THAT right!”

I had no way home…except for my 2 feet…and no photos!
Ha, ha, ha!

By this time, we could hardly contain our laughter.

Paul ended up putting his 5 Deutsch Marks in the right coin slot.

By the time the photos finally came out of the machine…we were laughing so hard we could hardly breathe…

The whole episode couldn’t have lasted more than 15 minutes.

Surprisingly, no one complained or called security…
But then, we weren’t really disturbing anyone and there is no written law against laughing!

I have since misplaced the photos but I am so glad that I held on to that keychain!

Insight/learnings from this misadventure.

1. People from cultures which have a more relaxed approach to time and money are more sensitive to non-verbal (implicit) communication.

People from direct (explicit) communication cultures often do not realise how others respond to their tone of voice, facial expressions, etc.

2. While some types of humour are universal, familiarity of specific cultural references or icons is necessary in others.
My German was too poor to pick up nuance.

ALL cultures have a sense of humour…aspects of which are embedded in the language and not obvious to outsiders.

3. Furthermore, as Americans, we did not understand what was important to Germans: rules, cleanliness, not wasting food.
It is a common pitfall to judge others without understanding another culture's VALUES.

4. Scarcity has taught me gratitude for what I do have and empathy towards “outsiders” who are struggling.

November in Osaka and the gingko leaves had turned yellow.

It was my first year in Japan and I didn’t have enough money to go home for Christmas.

My thoughts turned to sending a Christmas parcel.

What could I buy that was typically Japanese?

Something authentic, affordable and small enough to put into a parcel.

I wandered into an expensive department store and found myself drawn to the beautiful ceramics on display.

I picked up a round clay tea cup.

Its slightly rough texture and its size made it very pleasant to hold.
It fit perfectly into the palm of my hand.

A smiling saleswoman approached cautiously.

She told me that the cup had been made by hand which explained its high price.

My Japanese was not good enough to say “cracked” but I pointed out that there was something “different” about it.

Different or “chigaimasu” 違います is a word used with diplomacy in Japanese.

In a culture which places great emphasis on social harmony…differences should not be spoken of openly.
Openly disagreeing with or contradicting someone is to be avoided.

Saying that something is “different” is one way (of many) that the Japanese have of saying “no”.

Question: Do ginkgo leaves turn red in autumn?
Answer: Different. Yellow, I think.

The Japanese woman gingerly held the cup and mentioned a term in Japanese I had not heard before:
Kintsugi -- 金継ぎ
Kin 金 - gold tsugi 継ぎ to join together…

The joining implies the idea of repair….bringing together broken or separated parts.

The idea of this appealed to me tremendously.

Something broken or imperfect now had been made more beautiful and valuable.

Despite my struggles to understand Japanese culture, this was one aspect of it which I could immediately connect with.

The fragile, imperfect beauty of a teacup which I now held….
In silence….

The Japanese understood the importance of that.
No words were possible…or necessary.

It is much like a moment of awakening in Buddhism… or any spiritual tradition.

The experience transcends words.

This was 20 years prior to becoming a coach and learning to hold silence with clients…

My life had a crack…a void which needed repair….
I could feel it -- literally and figuratively.

It was my first year in Japan and I wasn’t sure of what I would find for myself there but
I could let go of this ideal of perfection.

On some level, I was working on the process of accepting myself, of filling in empty spaces and becoming whole….

I bought and sent the teacup to my brother.
He doesn’t drink tea but he does find the cup beautiful.

I still find it hard to explain to him what it means to me.

🦆 Call me an “odd duck”! I don't care! I have ALWAYS been a cultural misfit and a lifelong expat! The only difference now is that I no longer hide what makes me unique!

👇🏻 Here are 6 unusual details about my career. 👇🏻

1) I am almost completely ambidextrous!
I was born a leftie but changed when I started teaching Chinese and writing characters on a whiteboard.

I taught myself to use a pen and a marker with my RIGHT hand to avoid getting stiff in my LEFT shoulder!

2) I have an OBSESSION with buying notebooks - of all shapes and sizes -- sometimes really expensive ones! I CAN be creative with graphic design on a computer but I CAN’T
doodle;
or do out of the box thinking.
I NEED a pencil ✏️and the "right" notebook 📙! I have at least 100!

3) Despite all appearances to the contrary, I am a true introvert.
If you've ever taken part in one of my team-building trainings, you may find this hard to believe!

Granted, I like to make people laugh but nevertheless, I NEED my solitude and quiet time to think and read.

4) Although I write a lot about Chinese culture, I lived in Japan and worked in a Japanese hotel for 2 years!

5) My nickname back home (in the US) is French Denis.
I came to Luxembourg 5 years ago but I've lived in France for over 25!

Fifty percent of my coaching sessions are in French and it's fair to say that I'm a real Francophile.
I 💙 love French literature;
French philosophy
and of course:
champagne 🥂 or a nice glass of 🍷!
...
6) I did a career pivot late in life -- in my fifties!! It took a bit of courage but I decided at that time that I wasn't leveraging my life experience in different countries and cultures. I am pleased to say that I discovered my true talent:
leadership coaching.

I have never been happier!

Creativity and the Limits of ChatGPT.
Just move one letter and see/"C" where that takes you! Triple letter score!! Add up those points! 😘 Granted, it’s easier to move tiles than to change one’s mindset!
Words. I listen actively to my clients and encourage them to get curious about the words they use. These words become our reality and it’s ever so important become aware of their impact.
As a leadership coach, I champion the ideas in Stephen Covey’s classic, “The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People”. In his bestseller, he succinctly describes the difference between reactive and proactive people, the latter of whom are “value driven” and “create their own inner environments.”
Experts in neurolinguistic programming have been reminding us for years of the power words hold to shape our view of ourselves and our world.
However what happens when we put a pen to paper? What if we need help creating a vision for ourselves or even a bit more resiliency?
Can or predictive text programming step in? Can truly be creative?
(Will I soon be out of a job?!)
I tried to imagine a Scrabble game with ChatGPT – not as my opponent but as my assistant!
Now, I play Scrabble to win and I want to use all my tiles. So I ask the search engine how many 8-letter words start with “C”.
I get the following reply.
According to various word frequency databases and statistical analyses, the English language contains around 5,000 to 6,000 eight-letter words in total. While I cannot provide an exact count for the number of eight-letter words starting with "C," it is safe to assume that a significant portion of the total number falls within that category.
In disbelief, I question the mighty AI again.
Only 5,000 to 6,000?! What percentage of words in the English language are eight-letter words?
I apologize for the confusion caused by my previous response. The estimate I provided was incorrect. The English language contains a significantly larger number of words, including those with eight letters. Estimates range from several hundred thousand to over a million words.
Determining the percentage of eight-letter words in the English language would require an exhaustive analysis of the entire lexicon, which is not readily available.
I need to practice reframing my questions with ChatGPT!
Neverthless, its incomplete response begs a more important question.
It's not the lack of vocabulary... it's the lack of range. Said differently, information, while valuable, is just one form of intelligence.
What happens to and out of the box creativity in a culture increasingly dependent on algorithms and information stored in AI databases?
Answers may come quickly but there's zero spontaneity.
If I ask ChatGPT about the letter “C”, the engine will promptly explain its use in mathematical, musical and computer programming contexts…but it can’t actually PLAY or make associations with the letter. It can't put anything into a personal or cultural filter.
There are too many choices. It doesn't want to swim in the "C"/sea of possibilities. It doesn’t “C”/see, for example, that the letter "C" has a hook on it.
A hook? Hmmm. It makes me think of that word “reactive” and how we have a tendency to get triggered or “hooked” on certain emotions.
Pema Chödrön, the Buddhist teacher and author, uses the term “shenpa” to describe this unpleasant "sticky" state of mind. (“Shenpa”…a Tibetan word, probably NOT in the Scrabble dictionary! ha ha!)
A coaching session is an opportunity to observe one's reactions, detach and then explore or create new possibilities. We tap into our human side…our vulnerable side…our intuition and even our sense of humour.
We may not be able to control what our N+1 says or does, yet it is within our power to choose how we respond to situations.
Let me make myself perfectly clear. This is NOT a rant against AI.
AI is the future and it unquestionably has great value in a coaching context.
In fact, I am pleased to say that I am certified with a diagnostic tool called which leverages Natural Language Programming as a valuable PART of a meaningful HUMAN partnership. Recognizing the strengths and the limits of this tool establishes a framework for it. As a coach, having a structure, a framework is important.
When interviewed recently about AI and Creativity, Shohreh Haddaden (Data Scientist and AI developer with Zortify) explained that AI cannot initiaite creative thinking but only learn from humans. In her opinion, "the more creative humans become, the more creative AI gets" as it uses what it finds in the database.
If you, dear reader, are at all curious about me, how I coach and what we might CO-CREATE together, please have a look at my very brief video here:
https://weilan.biz/video
If you're not so inclined, then remember what my grandmother often said to me.
"When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade..."
and lemons, by the way, are a great source of antioxydants and, of course, Vitamin... C.

My new video on Carl Jung, the I Ching and Synchronicity! It was so much fun to make and I hope that you will learn something new from it!

😲🥭️😲 Extraordinary! This triumphant mango tree wasn’t even supposed to take root again, much less bear fruit! The image came up on my social media one morning and I couldn’t get it out of my mind -- the determination of that plant!

Let’s be honest. “Starting over” takes courage --even if we all have done it at some point in our lives.

The baby tree is the perfect metaphor for many of my clients who have been uprooted and have had to begin again. I equate its second life with the courage required to consciously enter a new phase in one’s life. As we grow older, we begin to look for a pattern, direction or purpose to this big, wonderful mystery called life.

How do we write the next chapter?

In his epic work, “The Courage to Be”, American philosopher Paul Tillich wrote, “Joy is the emotional expression of the courageous YES to one’s own true being.”

If a client brings this concern to their first coaching session, I might ask,
“What part of your story would you like to write?”

In my six years of professional development coaching, this question never fails to get the ball rolling!

In this era of tremendous uncertainty, many of us feel that we are not aligned with what is important to us. Other people’s benchmarks for success do not resonate with us. We are no longer content to climb someone else’s ladder.

We may not even have a clear vision as to what we truly value. It takes both courage and commitment to create a meaningful career path. Some of the stories we’ve been telling ourselves may even need to be rewritten.

Why can’t growth come naturally, like it does for the plant?

Plants, unlike humans, grow without needing the approval of others.
We also have a wide variety of choices.

I can either hold myself accountable for a change or simply “drop the ball”. I’ve done this numerous times! This easy surrender is what Jungian analyst James Hollis describes as “giving in to the inner gremlins of fear and lethargy who sit at the edge of our beds every morning!” Confronting them on bad days calls for courage, but we soon begin to see the benefits of our effort.

Battles are waged and many of them won. I should know. I've been through 5 myself and managed to find my way forward. I have also had the joy of helping many a client taste the fruit of their own success….one leaf…I mean, one step at a time!