Chamroeun Metta

School trips to the zoo ❤️

WE WENT TO THE ZOO

Well, the children did.

And Sa.

But not me. I could not go. Sa cried when I told her.

But Sa and the children are having a delightful time.

We chartered a bus with a driver, and thirty children were collected from the school.

Squeals of delight, and raucous singing “… the wheels on the bus go… “

And all of the animals are too exciting for these delightful children. They know the names in English, and now they have seen them in real life.

Awe and wonder.

Eager little minds are broadened.

A magical experience.

They went to the zoo, thanks to you.

Thank you Sleepy John, Wendy, Peter, Elise, Lorraine, Kara, Holly, Melissa, Jen, Donna, Debra, Fiona, Raylene, and Robyn… your kindness and generosity made this happen.



I have made some conscious decisions to force change.

New Year’s Eve has never excited me, and I rarely celebrate, however this most recent eve, I went out with friends to make sure that 2023 buggered off.

I spent the evening telling everyone who will listen, however, that the clock and calendar will make no difference to me… my s**t show will roll on regardless of the date.

And over the following weeks, I repeated that conversation to myself every day, over and over, and I knew it to be true. I believed it to be true.

Until it occurred to me that it will be forever true, unless I do something to change that.

So I made some decisions. Small decisions, however forcing change nonetheless.

Following Dyna’s death, I could not contemplate leaving our house.

This is the first, and only, house that Dyna has ever lived in.

As a child, Dyna grew up in a tiny wooden shed, with three generations sleeping beside each other on the floor. When she moved to Phnom Penh, she shared a concrete room with four others, sleeping beside each other on the floor.

Dyna took out a mortgage in her name, and built her family a house back in the homeland, that she never lived in… she slept on the crowded concrete floor in the ghettos of Phnom Penh so that her family could have a home.

Dyna loves our house too much. She is so proud of it. She flits from room to room, sweeping, mopping, dusting and adjusting. She planted flowers throughout the gardens, and nurtured every blossom, whispering sweet nothings of love.

Every room is full of her. I can feel her, hear her, smell her.

For an eternity I would wake every morning, dreaming that she was beside me, and finding her hair on my face.

However, over recent months it is becoming increasingly difficult.

Every time Serenity and I go for a ride, I find it more difficult to return.

Every time I go to Phnom Penh to teach with Sa, as I return to Kampot, tears sting my eyes, dreading opening the locks on the empty house.

For months I have been considering leaving the home, and possibly leaving Kampot.

Serenity and I went on a long trip through the provinces. To the homeland in Pursat province, around Battambang to Siem Reap, and back through Phnom Penh to Kampot.

Dyna and I had discussed us moving to the homeland after our wedding, however she refused… she loves Kampot too much. I will never move to the homeland alone.

I consider moving back to Siem Reap, where I lived in 2018. I still have many friends there, and families that I support, and I know I will have a gorgeous community to surround me with love.

I consider moving to Toul Sambour, the little village on the rubbish dumps of Phnom Penh, so that I can teach at Sa’s little school full time.

For several months now, Sa has been working every night in a nightclub in Phnom Penh, to fund her school and support her parents. She exists on a few hours sleep a day, and travels back and forth from her school to the bar.

This has proved detrimental to her wellbeing, impacting her physical and mental health. She has been consistently unwell, in and out of hospital. She rings me routinely, sobbing, broken, exhausted, pleading for help, guidance and advice. She does not enjoy her job. She misses her family. The school is suffering, and risks collapsing.

I promise her I will find a solution.

At first, I thought that would be me moving to the slums to teach full time, so that she did not have to.

But this is not the right solution.

I do not want to live in Toul Sambour.

Nature is too important to me… I need the trees, birds, frogs and lizards… not plastic, fat rats and skinny mangy dogs.

When I tell Sa that I will not be moving to her village, I make her cry again. I make her cry too often.

As I deliberate and consider my options, I am adamant that I need to do something different, I need to force change, if I no longer want to continue living in this despair.

Decisions have been made.

I have moved out of our home.

I have left Kampot.

My new home is tiny, but adorable. Dyna loves it.

My new home is owned by a member of the royal family, and the Princess and I are now firm friends. She promises me that every dollar of my rent each month will go to support a local orphanage at a nearby pagoda.

I am introduced to the head monk that built the orphanage, and I meet the children.

And I am shown the classroom.

I am Teacher Tim again, and each week in my spare time, I teach English to the adorable monklets. They are so eager to learn, and excitedly welcome me.

In my spare time, that is.

Because I have just started working full time.

I now work full time, so that Sa does not have to.

Sa has quit her job in the city, and has returned home to live in the village with her parents.

She is back in the classroom full time, where she belongs, happy and healthy.

The salary that I earn, now pays her salary as a full time teacher.

I will continue to visit her school as a guest teacher whenever I can.

So… some decisions have been made… and change forced.

It all feels right, and I am at peace with my future.

I have a new, secluded and serene home, surrounded by nature.

My work is to provide leadership to an amazing team of talented and passionate young Khmer.

My rent funds an orphanage, where I teach the monklets.

Teacher Tim teaches.

My work funds Sa’s school, and pays her a salary.

Teacher Sa teaches… and her eyes disappear when she smiles.

It all feels right.

I know that there is no panacea.

I will continue to grieve.

I will continue to mourn.

Dyna’s one year anniversary is in eleven days, and I will return to the homeland for her fourth funeral with my family.

However, following this I will be returning to a new home.

And whatever my future holds.

354

As I write this, I am at work… and the children are at the zoo with Sa.

Peace ✌️ and Love ❤️

Tim.

🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽