03/03/2026
I used to feel so happy, so satisfied with myself when I did you a favor. I used to think that making you feel happy, it makes me feel happy too because I love you.
But now I don't feel so good anymore. My consciousness starts to question my good actions for you. And I ask myself why? Why making you feel happy by treating you special don't make me satisfied with myself no more? Because I no longer love you or what. The answer is no! I love you and I love you even harder over time.
So what is the problem here? I got answer. It's because in the past, when I did good to you, you did good to me. When I did you a favor, you also did me a favor. When I fulfilled your needs, you also fulfilled mine. We understood each other, our actions were so aligned and complete each other. Everything was a good balance because we cared and acted towards each other with love, support and passion. It was a perfect 'give and take'.
But now, you don't even try to fulfill my needs. Not demanding too much, but not even enough to make me feel happy and motivated again to treat you even more special. My consciousness starts to tell me that it doesn't feel fair at all. My brain starts to doubtedly question me if giving 80 and receiving back 20 is a good deal or not.
Honestly I don't want to think that way. I want to think that I complete you and you complete me and it will make me happy, make you happy and our relationship happy. But why I start to think of the unfairness, the ignorance, the exploitation, the dissatisfaction and so on.
Am I the one becoming negative in our relationship? Or this is the result of any cause I cannot understand or control?