The hillarious alerts dat gonna crash your ribs

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A Real girlfriend should care for his boyfriend
like her child.
A Real boyfriend should value her girlfriend
like her mum because no boy can hurt his
mum and no girl can love someone more
than her own child...
Agree ?

SOME CLICHES THAT TEACHERS USE
1. If you're not interested then you may leave
the class..
2. Some of you came here to waste your parents
money
4. Tell me when you all have finished talking and
I will start teaching
5. Why you are laughing? Come here
And tell us all
6. Some of you don’t know what brought you
here
7. Look back into your family, your dad is
hustling very had to pay your fees and you are
here playing
8. If you don't want to be beaten, get
the stick and Cane me instead
Please add more
Just now

BONYESHA USHINDE NA POLISI
POLICE offers reward of KSh 500,000 to anyone
who volunteers information on owners of KAS
575X used in Mall attack.

Hata panga iwe kali kiaje haiwezi kata kiu
*hata uwe kinyozi hodari aje huwezi nyoa
vichwa vya habari
*hata uwe msafi aje huwezi nawa mikono wakati
wakukula hongo
*hata ukule kiapo mara mia njaa itabaki pale
pale
*hata uwe na magari mia saba chooni utaenda
miguu
*hata uzame vipi huwezi toka na samaki katika
dimbwi la mapenzi
*hata historia ya marehemu iwe nzuri aje
haipigiwi makofi
*hata uwe fundi aje huwezi repair breaking
news.
*hata ukuwe mweupe aje shadow yako bado
itakuwa nyeusi
*Hata nyani awe mtaalamu vipi, hawezi rukia
branch ya benki
*Hata ukuwe mcaring aje, Huwezi saidia bibi
yako kubeba mimba
*hata manzi ajifanye maringo aje, pia simba na
ukali wake hutiwa mimba!
*hata uwe na heshima vipi huwezi mpokea polisi
bunduki

Teacher asks pupils to mention
medicines they know & their
uses. Little Susan stands & says...
"PANADOL!"
Teacher: Used for?
Susan: I think headache!
Teacher: Good.Yes Billy?
Musa: PIRITON!
Teacher: Used for?
Musa: Helps in Sleeping..
Teacher: Excellent!! Yes Little j***y!
Little j***y {confidently}: VI**RA!!
Teacher {nearly falls off her chair
shocked}:What for?????
Little j***y: I think Diarrhoea..
Teacher: Who told you that?
Little j***y: Everynight my mom tells
Dad, "TAKE 2 VI**RA PILLS,
MAYBE THAT LITTLE S**T WILL BE
HARDER TODAY.

Ksh 1M prize still on. Where is Safaricom Lewa
Marathon normally held?A.Lewa B.London.
Reply with A or B

How to know you are
CURSED ......
1. After working for 30 days you get fired
without salary.
2. If you download anything from the
internet and it fails in 99%.
3. If you take cheat into the exam hall and
can't understand your own handwriting.
4. If you buy a phone at the rate of 30k
today and the price drop to 16k tomorrow
5. You go to the restaurant on your first
date. and after eating fish,the bone chock
you!
6. If you scope a girl, take her to the room
and johnny does not stand.
7. If u break with your boyfriend and he
wins 200M shillings the next day.
8. If you use a heavy perfume, bt your
body odour still remain.
9. If you work in a company for 10yrs
without promotion or rise in salary.
10. If you lie to Armed robber that you
don't have a phone and it rings..
11. If the person that you are cursing in a
traffic turns out to be the person
interviewing you.
12. If your car spend more time at the
mechanic than on the road.
13. If you don't pass both mathematics and
english in your final exam.
14. If you get to the exam hall and you
can't remember your first name
15. If you lie to a Armed robber that you
don't have money and your phone start
ringing 'chop my money, I don't care'.
16. If you mistake super glue for eye drop.
17. After photoshopping your picture you
still look ugly.
18. If a rat eats only your name out of
your important document.

Mrs Femi got in class n askd pupils 2 say da
nambas she wrote on the board in words!
SHe wrote 888 n gave dem a clue dat is-
eight hundred n eighty...
Shola jumpd 2 conclude by sayn
eight. The teacher said- Veri gud shola!
Teacher wrote 666 n bola gav n
ansa s- Six hundred n sixty six!
Teacher was enjoyin da leson telling pupils
hw briliant dey were! Dis went on and on until he
wrote 111 n askd little j***y 4 n ans little j***y ahhhh
Madam how can you choose a simple
1 for me, Ah! Dats One hundred and Onenty
One!

There is a candle in every soul Some brightly
burnin', some dark and cold There is a spirit
who brings the fire Ignites a candle and makes
His home
Carry your candle, run to the darkness Seek out
the hopeless, confused and torn Hold out your
candle for all to see it Take your candle and go
light your world
Frustrated brother, see how he's tried to Light
his own candle some other way See now our
sister, she's been robbed and lied to And still
holds a candle without a flame
Carry your candle, run to the darkness Seek out
the lonely, the tired and worn Hold out your
candle for all to see it Take your candle and go
light your world
We are a family whose hearts are blazing We
raise our candles and light up the sky Prayin' to
our Father in the name of Jesus Make us a
beacon in darkest hours
Carry your candle, run to the darkness Seek out
the helpless, deceived and poor Hold out your
candle for all to see it Take your candle and go
light your world Take your candle and go light
your world

My names are Abdirahman k., i am a Kenyan by
birth, i love my country more than anything else
and not a moment will i trade Kenya with any
other country, we are all crying over what
happened, we lost friends, we lost country men
and women.
Since Saturday afternoon, i wasn't able to focus
not at work not at school, Kenyans on Facebook
were exchanging harsh words of hatred till now,
rather than coming together and showing
solidarity we keep on arguing and cursing each
other.
I swear a true Kenyan, a true patriot will never
even for a second argue and blame the other on
the tragedy that has befallen our country, it is
time to show who we truly are by going out
there and helping our country recover and get
back on its more than 42 strong poles.
I am a Muslim, my best friend is a Christian and
my classmates are from all backgrounds of our
diverse beautiful Kenyan cultures, we all love
our country to equal measures, we ought to brag
to the rest of the world and not face each other
because of cowards who have no sense of
direction.
It has been reported that Muslims were sorted
out of the hostages, don’t we realize this is just
a stupid trick? This people only wanted to cause
differences between us, for us to think Muslims
were sorted out because they are the ones
behind all this, but all I remain with only one
wish, that I could show my Kenyan blood
brothers and sisters how we all grieved and our
hearts sunk immediately the news spread that
our beloved Nairobi was under attack, my fellow
countrymen this people are taking advantage of
us, they know of our strong bond as a country
and now it seems like they have succeeded
because we are already arguing and blaming
each other, why do we have to fall for such a
cheap joke? All they wanted was Kenya to fall
apart and we must not allow that to happen.
For now all we need is prayers, lets pray for our
country Kenya and lets pray that our security
forces succeed in apprehending this terrorists.
May the Soul of every lost Kenyan in that attack
rest in peace.
Forever Kenya, forever our beloved country..
I end my letter with a few lines from a song .
“I care about you
And I wish you could realise
There's no difference between us two
We're part of one family
No matter how far you are
And even if we don’t know each other
Oh, you and me, me and you, we are one
Oh, you're my brother
You're my sister
We're one big family
Oh, you're my brother
You're my sister
Just one big family”