19/06/2022
"A father is neither an anchor to hold us back nor a sail to take us there, but a guiding light whose love shows us the way."
At some part in our existence and/or growth, there was or has been a man.
My personal reflections on fatherhood are filled with many memories, comprising of joy, sadness, regrets, and aspirations. One way or another, being a father a forms a large part of my existence, but this isn’t about me; it’s about the many men that carry the mantle of fatherhood.
Presence is more important than presents. Yes, we need to make ends meet and provide various needs for our families, but providing our presence is important. How well do we know our children, or have we left that emotional connection up to someone else, maybe mum? Providing presence requires intention not perfection. That family dinner, Sunday brunch, joint activity - even a walk, card game, etc.
Those moments mean more than money.
Recently, a counsellor told me that some children asked her to tell their parents, “we don’t want your money, we want you”. Yes, money is necessary, and I applaud you for the many sacrifices you make to put food on the table and ensure your kids have a good education. Many even provide for extended family - parents, siblings, cousins, nephews, and nieces. It seems effortless but it takes a toll on us, sometimes working long hours and getting a call late in the day that changes your whole evening. Without hesitation you execute and sometimes deal with difficult stakeholders while maintaining a calm demeanour. Many times it goes unappreciated. Allow me to say, thank you for all you do for your family, friends, and organization. You’re a star, you’re a champ, you’re a hero.
With that said, the sacrifices we make to provide, also demand that we do the same in being present.
Close to 230 babies are born per hour in Kenya. That translates to 230 fathers - some new, some unknown, some deceased. What’s certain is that not all of them will be present and other men will have to step in to help. It’s difficult to fit into a father’s shoes. Even long after we stop working and providing physical needs, our presence will be required for emotional needs and guidance. We set the tone for all other relationships that our kids will have. They learn even when we’re not teaching. They need our affection and affirmation. Even teaching them a new skill like riding a bike or swimming requires presence more than theory, videos, or manuals. We might not remember how many times we fell off learning to ride a bike, because the joy of cycling on our own supersedes the failures. We also remember the person who taught us and encouraged us to get back on the seat. It may look easy now, but it took effort to get us where we are. I stand on the shoulders of my father and bend the knee to the sacrifices he and many fathers made to make us who we are today.
Let’s be intentional. Let’s be present.
Happy Father’s Day.
