Most funny staffroom jokes

This chicken died in vain 😏

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Life is fun, never be that serious.

Men don’t talk
Many are dying on the inside while still trying to keep a brave face in front of their wives,children and fellow men. Many men are walking with their death certificates in their pockets regularly checking their expiry some even wishing to bring it forward.

Wives
Yes your man may not be as perfect as you want him to be,maybe even annoying but today please encourage him to fight on. He does not need you to bash him when he comes home in the evening...

Children
Your dad May not be able to provide for everything you want. It kills him deep that he cannot buy you that play station that other kids have. If he could he would.

Grown ups
Your dad May have denied himself so much while he was raising you and now that he is old and tired and maybe sickly. He does not want you to pay him back. All he wants is an “ I LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOU DAD” message and you to succeed in life. That’s his joy.

Sisters
Appreciate your brothers. They fight battles out there that you may never know but if they have your backing and love they can conquer any battle out there.

Fellow Men
Tell the devil if you touch one of us you have touched all of us. We are not leaving any man behind even if he is bleeding we are coming for him.

The truth is that we are not always as strong as we look or want you to believe. We are all trying to FINISH STRONG.

Today CELEBRATE the men in your life. Happy father's day to you all fathers who have been so quiet.

A man took a loan,bought a house,it was about to be seized, just because he could not pay the as agreed. He posted his situation on Facebook looking for help, but all he could get was zero comments.

So he sent 250 messages to his contact list requesting a loan of KSH200,000. Unfortunately only 10 people responded. 6 out of 10 said they could not help him. And only 1 out of 4 who promised to help and gave him some money. The other 3 gave no excuse and never took his calls. In the end, he was ejected.

He did not have a place to sleep.He walked in the dark looking for options and, unfortunately, a thief stole his empty purse with his ID.The thief was badly hit by a car in high speed as he fled and died without his body being identified. Only the purse containing the identity card served as a marker. The next day the news spread quickly around that he had died.

2500 people posted on his Facebook wall how they knew him and how kind he was. A committee was formed by his"faithful" friends who raised KSH750,000 to feed people at his funeral.
His work colleagues organized themselves and brought KSH1.5m for the coffin, the tents and the chairs.He had to be buried in a coffin worth KSH100,000

The family met again, it was a rare opportunity for the family to meet again. Then there was a sitting. For the funeral, the family contributed KSH400,000. Everyone wanted to volunteer to show that they were participating. They printed t-shirts and polos for more than KSH85,000

Now imagine the scene when he decided to show himself up the day of his burial ..... Hmmm

So is life today, a sad reality but part of our daily lives. You who read this story, change your mentality.

Help your brother/sister when he/she needs you. Do not wait for their death to show them your love. It will not help them

Value your friends and family while they are Alive

Vacancy!!! Salary Ksh 650,000/= per week with: free accommodation, meals and company car.
Maasai Mara needs someone to bath the Lions, take care of the Hyenas, play with the crocodiles and feed the snakes.
No qualifications and/or experience required. If interested please send your CV to [email protected].
NB: Dont ask what happened to the previous worker. Thank you.😂😂

Just reading an advert. Hehehe
He who drinks gets drunk
He who gets drunk
Goes to sleep.
He who goes to sleep,
Does not sin.
He who doesn't sin,
Goes to heaven.
So lets all drink and go to heaven....

stolen!

STOLEN.....!
My dear wife/girlfriend:
The Fifa World Cup is close by.
Let me give u a few rules that will preserve your beauty.
1. The remote control belongs to me for the whole month.
2. Tell all your friends not to give birth or wed or die or wateva during the World Cup coz we won't go.
3.No talking during the game, wait for half-time or end of the game.
4. Repeats & highlights are as good as the main match, so am gonna watch them..
5. We can watch STAR PLUS provided actors and actresses are wearing soccer jerseys and they are in Russia
6. U dont just pass infront of the TV if am watching soccer, u better crawl on the floor or jump
7. Make sure you don't ask silly questions such as; is this Chelsea versus England?
8. No funny faces to my friends when they come for soccer.
9. There shall be no comments about Cristiano Ronaldo's looks. Professionalism shall remain an absolute part of the WC.
10. If you miss the line up please dont ask, 'who is that guy?'
11. Ronaldo the Brazilian and Ronaldo the Portuguese are not related, Tanzania and Kenya did not qualify.
Thank you,
GENTLEMAN'S ASSOCIATION.

Mwanaume ni sufuria moja. Unaanza kupika strong tea, then skuma, then ugali.
Ukifanya mistake uanze na ugali, iyo siku utaikula na chumvi.😂😂

plus if you have more than one sufuria kwa nyumba yako, vaa kamisi

THOSE DAYS WHEN MEN USED TO WRITE LETTERS TO GIRLS IN THE 80s and 90s , GENERATION XX SIKU HIZI HAWAJUI UTAMU WA FULLSCAP NA KALAMU


Kisii school
P.O. BOX 4
26TH JUN. 1998

Dear Sweetie

Time and ability plus double capacity has forced my pen to dance automatically on this benedicted sheet of paper. I hope you're swimming in the wonderful pool of Mr. Health there. I am also parambulating in the cool breeze of wellness here.

Sweetie pie, the reason why this miraculous thing is happening is because, honey, I love you spontaneously, and as I stand horizontally parallel to the wall and vertically perpendicular to the ground now, I only think of you, since you are a fantastic and fabulous girl, put together as fantabulous. I implore you to decipher this my anthem of love oozing out from the innermost pendulum of my thoraxial cavity.

Darling, please stop haranguing with the feelings in my heart because I love you more than a snake loves rat.
To me each day I start by dreaming of you. Each time I see you, my metabolism suddenly halts and my peristalsis goes in reverse gear. My medula oblongata also ceases functioning.

Crazy, crazy, crazy you may say but this is verily veritable. If only you knew what is going on in my encephalon, you would prostrate. That's why I need to see you vis a vis soon for a better elucidation through tete a tete. No hyperbole & onomatopoeia, simple candidness.

Only you and me are protagonists in this subtle affair. As I cogitate and ruminate over the last episode, I genuflex before the Omnipotent and implore him to let this affair emulsify.

By the way, I was bamboozled, scintilated, exhilarated, and left in a state of prolonged euphoria by the contents of your missive which was quite edifying and exalting. It left my bio-chemistry in a paradise-like equilibrium.

Empirically speaking, I love u chemically... I don't ever want to see gloom and doom looming over your angelic live portrait. Let my appellation be scribbled across your heart, with indelible ink. If any boy tries to ask for your companionship, tell him that u are leased and caveated.

I think I have to pen off here, because I still haven't finished studying electrolysis polymerization. But before I evaporate, I like to revitalize your memory with those encapsulating lyrics which proclaim that your catarrh is my butter, your p**s is my mimbo, the world's greatest lover is me.

Catch you later. Sleep tight and don't let those bed bugs bite you because you are too sweet for them.

Goodbye for now.

Your slave in love,
your pillow, your cushion, obasanjo

An Aeroplane cleaner was cleaning
the pilot's cockpit when he saw a
book titled, "HOW TO FLY AN
AEROPLANE FOR BEGINNERS.
Volume 1

He opened the 1st page which said: "To start the engine,
press the red button.." He did
so, and the airplane engine
started.. He was happy and
opened the next page...: "To get the airplane moving, press the blue button.." He did so and the plane
started moving at an amazing
speed... He wanted to fly, so he
opened the 3rd page which said:
"To let airplane fly, please press
the green button.." He did so and the plane started to fly...He was excited...!!
After 20 minutes of
flying, he was satisfied and
wanted to land so he decided to
go to the 4th page... and page 4
says; "To be able to know how to land a plane, please purchase
Volume 2 at the nearest book
shop! "

He will be buried tomorrow.