02/03/2016
#291
F/19
I am penning down this whole s**t out of the situation m goin through
My parents never loved me.They were expecting a boy child but unfortunately it was me who was untimately forced into the world. I was the least loved girl student of my class.I never get to enjoy the toys, movies and other normal activities. To make things worse, I was devoid of social skills,which means I never get to make any friends.Almost all of them were temporary and short lived.
But I never lose heart and always tried to make it up to my parents. I excelled in studies and was always among toppers.The more I performed, the more was expected. I was never appreciated and was burdened further to perform which turned me into a wicked person. I was sent to PMT classes from 8th standard.By the time I completed my matriculation I realised I wanna be a CA.but It was too late.Still,I tried to cope with with the forced circumstances and I eventually Ended up in Rajasthan Kota.
During the first year when my oldest and probably the only friend was into pieces coz of his broken relationship I made my mind to step up and asked him out.
I don't know whether It was my emptiness,urge to fill up the lost parts of my life or his relatable dark soul that I was attracted but within no time I was in relationship with my best friend..
The world in which it is hard to avoid jerks.I was blessed with the best possible soulmate.His was ambitious yet practical approach, His always being-there-always attitude,his attitude toward his life and his infinite attention to my small things took me off my feets.My life g*ined its spark which it was devoid of.
During first couple of months I discovered I had a lot to me than just being a bookworm.
It rejuvenated me.I went to dates with him,I started caring about my dressing and my looks.For the first time I had a regular smile.
But In the process I never compromised with my career and continue to pursue my studies. I cracked AIPMT in my first attempt and earned a spot in the most reputed medical coleg of my state.
The added pressure soon started taking its toll on my relationship I was unable to cope with what life was offering.I was missing out on my academics and sometimes on my scheduled dates.Life soon became a mess.Something was meant to be sacrificed so I chose to force a breakup.
I ignored him for almost two months(which was herculean task) which after a couple of fights,the relation was shut down.He cried for the last time which still is fresh in my mind and still echoes in my ears.
Its been more than 13 months since my breakup.His gifted guitar is still in my hostel room cubard,the sight of which still sends shivers into my body.Since my breakup I never really found courage to pick it up besides some occasional cleaning.
Often I wonder.Was it all worth it?
Was Sacrificing my only good thing for my career worth it.?
Was shutting down the curtain on my love and desires for the parents who never cared about my existence worth it?,
