03/07/2023
Temper tantrums, sharing, and comfort objects :
Some days it may seem as though the littlest things set your toddler off. You serve her morning milk in the "wrong" cup and she throws it at you. Or she wants to go barefoot, even though it's raining outside, and screams her head off when you insist on putting boots on her. What's going on? Sometimes the triggers will be more obvious than others. She may be tired or angry. Or she may be frustrated by her inability to complete a task that she is determined to do, like putting a round peg into a square hole.
Tantrums tend to occur at the worst possible time for you. It seems like whenever your toddler blows a fuse, you're either in a hurry to get out the door in the morning, at the grocery store with half the shopping done, or in the waiting room of the doctor's office. What do these situations have in common? They are times that a typical toddler might feel emotionally overloaded, and also like he doesn't have your full attention.
If you're aware of the situations that trigger tantrums, you may be able to prevent many of them with minor adjustments or a little advance planning. Get out of bed 15 minutes earlier in the morning so you're not rushing around the house. If you must grocery shop with your child, do it when she is well rested and fed. Carry a favorite book or stuffed animal to doctor visits – anything you can do to keep her calm will help. Also remember that the occasional tantrum is a normal byproduct of toddlerhood and development. When your child is upset, stay calm, stay close, and use simple phrases to help name the child's feelings, such as, "You feel sad," or "You feel mad that we have to leave the park."
An inability to share doesn't help matters. But there is no "yours" in a toddler's vocabulary – everything is "mine!" So your car keys, a sibling's beloved stuffed dog, his dad's boots, the slide at the local playground – all these things are, in the eyes of an 18-month-old, his. Children this age can't really share, take turns, or understand why their behavior might upset someone else.
You can help your child begin to understand what sharing means by praising her when she does give a toy to another child or lets another toddler go down the slide first. When reading a book or watching a video, point out examples of sharing. Try to avoid scolding her when she doesn't want to; sometimes just acknowledging how difficult sharing is will make her more willing to do so. You will have to be patient and take comfort in the knowledge that other parents of toddlers are going through the same thing.
For a toddler, a favorite stuffed toy is a great source of comfort. He might also have some habits that soothe him – like twirling his hair, rocking, or sucking his thumb. Most children naturally outgrow these behaviors by the time they're 4, so there's probably no need for you to intervene now.