17/08/2026
*Wonderful pastime*
*Srila Bhakti Dhira Damodara Swami Maharaj interactions with Srila Bhakti tirtha swami maharaj and Srila bhakti siddhanta Saraswati thakur Prabhupad*
*Question*
*What motivates you to do this difficult service?*
*Answer by srila bhakti dhira damodar swami maharaj*
This time when we went to US and we were visiting Gurudeva's (Srila Bhakti Tirtha Swami Maharaja) Institute in Gita Nagari Community, it happened to be the day of his disappearance as per the English calendar. As I was there I was asked to speak about him. We did. We tried. After the talk, one mataji, a Srila Prabhupada disciple, asked me a question. No one has asked me this question before and I have never said this before what I told them that day.
She asked me, in a very serious tone, "What motivates you to do this difficult and risky service of accepting disciples?"
I told them. After I finished speaking, everyone was surprised. They didn't expect that this would come. Some of them could not believe that such things still existed in our movement. But the mataji, she appreciated what I said. And she complimented to what I said by adding her own memories of Gurudeva.
I told them,
One day, in Nigeria, Lagos temple, I was chanting during the japa time, walking around, back and forth in the temple hall. While walking, I was dozzing off to sleep and my eyes were somewhat closed. Unaware of where exactly I was in the temple hall, I just stopped walking and stood there to chant. Suddenly I felt as if someone was pushing down on my shoulders to make me sit. I resisted that push. I didn't want to sit. Sitting meant going to sleep as I was very tired. So I resisted that push. But repeatedly I felt that someone was pushing me to sit. I resisted again and again. While this tug of war was going on, I opened my eyes and to my surprise I saw that I was standing just next to the asana on which Gurudeva used to sit. A shudder ran through me. What is my Gurudeva telling me? Does he want me to sit on that asana? No, I can't do that. What is the message he is trying to give to me?
I didn't pay any further attention to what had happened that day. But few days later, I saw a dream. In the dream, I saw that Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura Prabhupada was instructing Gurudeva to tell me to sit on one of the asanas. There were three asanas there. Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura Prabhupada was sitting on one and Gurudeva on another and the third one was empty. So, Gurudeva told me, "Sit there." I refused. This all was happening in the dream. The dream broke...
Again after some days, in another dream, same thing occured. Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Prabhupada was pushing Gurudeva to instruct me to accept the position of Guru. Gurudeva told me. But I refused again. I refused because... Because in my mind I see my Gurudeva and all the acaryas in a particular way. I have my mood. I know their exalted position. My Gurudeva is big. He is really big, really great. Who am I in front of him? Not even in my dreams, I could think of sitting on that asana and accept the position of becoming a Guru. I refused Gurudeva's request and they left. The dream ceased and Iwoke up.
After few days, in the third dream, they came again. This time Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Prabhupada was chastising Gurudeva, "Why is he not accepting it? Why? Why don't you tell him forcefully?" It was heavy chastisement. Gurudeva looked at me and with disgust asked, "You don't want to serve?" That was painful to hear. I felt bad that I was disappointing them. So, somehow, reluctantly, I accepted. They were happy. They left and the dream got over.
The next year, during the GBC meetings, I saw Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Maharaja appeared in the meeting hall and was trying to tell me something. I was not able to understand. He spoke again, but I couldn't understand. He left. I also at that rose to leave the meeting hall. As I was stepping out into the corridor, I heard someone call from behind,
"Haribol. Haribol."
It was the voice of HH Kavicandra Swami Maharaja. I turned around.
He told me, as a matter of fact, "You must initiate. It is decided."
I resisted, "But Maharaja."
He stopped me in between, "No. We have decided it. You must begin to initiate. That's it."
I was going to speak, but then I saw Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Prabhupada again. I understood it to be his desire. So I didn't deny. I humbly accepted. Most amazingly that day was the appearance day of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati. On that very day, they arranged for me to accept this risky business of accepting disciples.
