The Learning Cafe

What this movie wants to show us!
1. Educating boys is not enough. Teach them household chores. It's a life skill.
2. Educating girls is not enough. Teach them to be financially independent. It is a life skill.
3. Teach girls to find out information and call a plumber or an ac repair guy. Let them not wait for others to do it for them.
4. Teach boys that work is not just what happens outside home. Home management is a lot of work too.
5. Teach girls that they need to put their foot down if they find something wrong without worrying about what others will feel.
6. Teach boys to understand the word consent especially in a marriage.
7. Teach boys that life is not what happens to you when your mother or wife orchestrates the basics in the background.
8. Send boys and girls out of home to stay on their own and manage their independent lives before they get married.
9. Older people need to learn to stay out of younger people's lives and decisions. A girl's decision to work is not something to be overruled by the patriarch as something connected with family pride. It's just a shame.
10. If a woman has spent her life in a particular way, try to break it for the next generation. Avoid repeating history. Does nothing for anyone!

BUT WHAT MEN ARE SAYING THIS MOVIE IS ABOUT
1. A girl refusing to cook. ( Kaisi ladki hain!)
2. A girl refusing to adjust. ( Itna kya attitude)
3. A girl ready for a wedding but not a marriage. ( Insta pe life jeene waali)
4. A story not about this generation. (Inke zamane ko kahaani)
5. A girl who wants to dance but not look after a family. ( Yeh koi profession hain?)
6. A girl who served drainage water to guests. ( Badtameez )
7. A girl who accepted jewellery from her in laws but not their rules. ( Bloody gold digger )
8. A girl who said no to s*x with her husband! ( Phir shaadi kyon ki)
9. A girl who ridiculed her husband in front of her friends.( Zara bhi izzat nahin)
10. A girl who was not interested in the first Karva chauth.( Apne culture ka koi lihaas nahin).

As someone who has been judged an entire student life for bad handwriting, I sometimes wonder what the whole hooha was about.
All I do is type!
As a child who has constantly seen the comment on her books, improve your handwriting ,I really never knew how to. if I reduced the speed of writing and wrote beautifully, it slowed the speed of my thoughts and my hands ached. I decided that I would let the mind fly!
I understand while I grew up as a student, parents and educators didn't have any other options. Typing was a skill to be learnt if one wanted to be a typist at an office. It was a career choice.
As an educator I understand the connections between development of handwriting as a psycho motor skill and the development of the faculties of the brain.
But with technology converting voice to speech, the demands of the industry being typing out stuff, why do we still insist on beautiful handwriting?

Now that the hoopla over Mother's day has died down, till it comes up again, let me get to writing something down.
Motherhood is not easy. Period.
There are no two ways about it.
It's messy, painful and at times awful.
While the world glorifies the mother , the same world will judge her for all the choices she makes for her children ..or for those she doesn't make.
While growing up I have heard stories about how mother's would do everything for their children, even sacrifice their own lives. I always wondered if anyone could place someone else so much ahead of themselves.
May be yes, may be no.
While the yes is a glorious way to history, a no doens't make anyone lesser.
I have always declared I am not the gajar ka halwa making mom. While I do make the aloo ka paratha once in a while, I have been royally judged for the choices I made for my children or later on in life encouraged them to take!
Why can't you focus more on their studies? Why do you let them dance and sing so much? Why do they focus on the side subjects more than math or science? Why are you spending so much on music classes? Does your daughter really need to do the arangetram? Why are you letting the kids be out late at night? Why does your daughter have so many friends who are boys? Why does your son have so many friends who are girls? When is he getting into a proper job? Why are they not competing their education? Why is she taking a break year? Why is she going on a Trek rather than write her exam?
Now why is the son going on a Trek instead of writing his exam
As a teacher how do you allow such things?
As a mother are you not bothered at all?
These and many more!

Yes, I have been adaucius to take decisions that other may not have agreed with. But I took them based on what I felt was the best for my kids. And that's all the reasoning I have.
The only ones who have any say in judging what I did would be my daughter Ashwini Gopal Jathan and my son Ashish Gopal
The two of them don't shy away from telling me what went right and what went wrong ..or if they have any reservations about any decisions I take today. This is the best outcome of all what I have input all these years. And hence I am so glad that I did what I did!

Worth a read

Tony Robbins | 5 Keys to Rise in 2024 “But amidst a world of uncertainty, there is a collective hope that resides. It’s an evolutionary part of the human spirit: to endure, to defy the odds, to rise.

So God wanted him back soon and as you read this book you know why...
A multi talented man who the world took so much time to discover that God decided..you folks don't deserve him!
The world may have reams of discussions on nepotism and the business of cinema and art, but there is so much talent waiting to be discovered..and that is the tragedy!

Hubby- so how do you feel?
You are 50!
Me- the kids just fought. So all's well with the world. Nothings changed.

As I enter the fifth decade, I wonder how a single day can change things?
The entire hype over birthday celebrations is something I have never understood.
My family loves celebrations especially birthdays... They love the midnight cakes the birthday songs so much that hubby will keep wishing himself through the day on his birthday.
It's almost like a festival.
Somewhere I don't connect so much to birthdays.
It stems from the fact that as a child birthdays were not celebrated at home. As it's in December we never got a school celebration also.
For reasons best known to her, my mom never encouraged parties at home. So while I went to other parties, I never had one done for me at home.

Since the time I have been married I have celebrated every birthday ...earlier at 12 in the night and nowadays on special requests , once it's day time.

Every birthday brings a new chapter into our lives and mine is so near new year's that it's a double whammy.
Now that I am in my fifties I know that the clock has started ticking faster. I am entering a new phase of life and now may be I am beginning to see why birthdays are special.
What's your take on birthdays?

And why is this news?
Clothes are not meant for just one time wear. Just for the sake of photos, we have started making our wardrobes huge and expensive.
On one side we talk about recycling and reusing. On the other we pretend to be shocked when people do such things.
I am glad Alia reused her wedding saree and actually got her wardrobe designed in a way she could do it.
I see so many brides wearing huge ghagras which they cannot even carry by themselves. These can obviously then never be reused!

What's your take on this?

An autographed version of the book by Ruskin Bond is a treasure.
The very second story is A face in the dark. A story I read in grade nine when I was a mere 14 years old. Reading the story even after 35 years was no less magical. The book is a treasure trove.

Life lessons from the Chandrayan.

While the nation celebrates the landing certain things struck me.
The landing phase was divided into four phases.
Rough Braking phase
Attitude hold phase
Fine braking phase
Terminal descent phase

While the scientific meaning of these phases may be different, I could not but draw parallels to parenting, just as I had done the last time!

The Rough Braking phase- As a young parent, one learns on the job. It's not the easiest of roles. Scientifically the rough Braking phase is when the speed of the lander was reduced systematically to ensure the right landing. And this is exactly what every young parent needs to know. One needs to slow down to reach the speed of the child. Time and again we want our children to match up to speed with us. Slow down, hold your child and support her to navigate the world. Being fast and first in everything need not be the goal!
The attitude hold phase- This term really kicked the parent in me. While for the Chandrayaan it meant a recaliberation of the position, for me the word held up the meaning of life. The attitude of a parent can make or break a child. And this phase in the lander may have been temporary, but for a parent it is lifelong. Reorienting oneself at every stage of parenting and constantly calibrating ones mindsets to what the child's best interests are is the most challenging part of being a parent.

The fine braking phase- It was at this phase that Chandrayaan 2 lost communication. Why does this remind me of the parenting tribulations of being one to a teenager? And the words, fine braking phase? Parenting a tween or a teen is balancing a tight rope. Communication and dignity along with respect to the individuality of the child is the need here.
The terminal descent phase-
And this of course is the final phase when one sees one's child landing into the orbit of life on her own. She is now on a journey of her own, where the parent is a mere spectator. You will get data from her. You may want to analyse it and your over protective mind may want to give her unsolicited advice too. But the reality is that once the child has reached the descent level, the child is an adult.Treat her as one. Let go.

Is this how students who are giving a life-changing examination to be treated?
If the idea is to prevent cheating and copying in such exams, there has to be a better way to tackle it. This is highly inhuman and ethically wrong.
I just read on an online forum how mother's spent the time in the washrooms as the daughters tops obviously didn't fit them.
Is policing the clothes of these students the way to ensure kids don't cheat?