18/01/2025
RNB'S Diary
18.01.2025
7.46 AM
For A Brighter World .......
It is 5.20 AM by the wall clock. I must have been awake for the last 2 hours or so. I tried chanting the Gayatri Mantra for sometime but the itching sensation all over my body, didn't abet a wee bit.
Lying by the side of my wife, I had lots of thoughts going on in my mind. I thought of Bhutan for a starter. How I left for the country in March, 1990 via Bongaigaon. From the station, I had to go to Kokrajhar as per the directions in the Appointment Letter.
How did I get there? By bus? By rickshaw? I found that I couldn't remember for the life of me! I remembered how I had to stay at hotel U-Me for 12 days. But how did I get to Kokrajhar from New Bongaigaon?
My mind drew a blank again.
That's when I had the Fear of God overtaking my entire being. I realised that my skin disease was just an outcome of something bad I have done in this life. Do my wife, daughters have to pay the price of my sins? The fear was quite overbearing. I looked at my wife sound asleep by my side. What if she starts forgetting things like me? What about my daughters?
I found my thoughts drifting to a dear brother of mine. He is getting forgetful these days. When I meet him next, I will BEG FOR HIS FORGIVENESS. I thought he was paying a price for being quite clever in this life. What about me then? What sins have I committed for MY FORGETFULNESS? Why couldn't I remember something I had done, an action I had performed some 30 years ago? How did I get to Kokrajhar from New Bongaigaon?
I thought of some of my sinful actions then. How some girls found me adorable and how I had fun at their expense.
I believe it for a fact that one life is not enough for repeaing the fruits of your karma.
I sat up on my bed again and tried chanting the Gayatri Mantra. I don't know if there is any mantra in Sanskrit for improving one's memory. Gayatri Mantra, as far as I know, is for one's overall wellbeing. Let me chant that at least to be physically fit and active.
I don't know whether I thought of my father-in-law as a result of chanting the Gayatri Mantra or not but I realised for the first time that he was quite an aged man by now, past 80! I cannot sit on judgement on him. My late Ma told me once that both my in-laws were like my parents. I thought of going to his place and enquiring about his well being. If anything is bothering him, I need to find that out. If not me, who else would think about him?
I hope that The Almighty will not deprive me of my sense of duty. I thought of my daughters and for the first time, I didn't want to add to their woes. They have their problems. As a parent, it is my duty to see to their overall well being and happiness. My younger daughter started suffering from some kinda "catphobia" lately as a result of staying at 41, Deblane. So, before I go to any place, I have to ask her if she is interested in going there or not. I have to respect their opinions as well.
I thought of my daughters, Akanksha and Anushka, then. They have done nothing to make me ashamed of them till now, by God's grace. As their father, the least I could wish for is their well being and happiness.
The picture of Akanksha getting married, raising kids flashed through my mind then. I could see myself playing with her son, having a hearty laugh, forgetting the pains in the process.
This is what The Almighty wanted our world to be like. Full of laughter, sunshine and happiness. A place where people didn't feel proud of having taken advantage of others; a world where people realised their mistakes and cared for the elderly as a result; a world where people were proud of their culture and traditions.
Happy in the knowledge that 'all is not lost and over yet', I got up and decided to get back to our bedroom to my wife then.....
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