22/09/2013
Anger management
Why anger should be controlled
and managed? There are certain
reasons for that firstly anger
comprises of a lot of tension and
stress, which is not healthy.
Constant stress and tension
makes you more susceptible to
heart disease, high cholesterol
levels, a weakened immune
system, insomnia, and high blood
pressure. Secondly chronic anger
consumes huge amounts of
mental energy and clouds your
thinking, making it harder to
concentrate, see the bigger
picture, and enjoy life. It can also
lead to stress, depression, and
other mental health problems.
Thirdly, anger can hurt your
career because lashing out on
others not only alienates your
colleagues, supervisors, or clients
it also erodes their respect. What’s
more, a bad reputation can follow
you wherever you go, making it
harder and harder to get ahead.
Fourthly, chronic anger causes
lasting scars in the people you
love most and gets in the way of
your friendships and work
relationships. Chronic, intense
anger makes it hard for others to
trust you, speak honestly, or feel
comfortable as they never know
what is going to set you off or
what you will do. Explosive anger
is especially damaging to children.
Following are certain steps that
will help you manage your anger:
1.You need to identify the clues
that cause you anger. Think that it
is like solving a mystery. You have
to objectively outline those clues
that bring you anger, is it because
you disagree with what others
have to say? Or you donot like
whats happening around you. Or
you are stressed up? Or you feel
pleasure upon lashing onto
other? Think very rationally and
preferably jot down these clues to
your anger forming mystery.
2.The next step is to be aware of
anger warning signs and triggers.
While you might feel that you just
explode into anger without
warning, in fact, there are physical
warning signs in your body.
Anger is a normal physical
response. Becoming aware of
your own personal signs that
your temper allows you to take
steps to manage your anger
before it gets out of control. You
can do that in 2 steps firstly by
paying attention to how your
body feels, do you feel knots in
your stomach or the need for
pacing or the need for clenching
your hands or jaws or feeling
clammy or flushed or headaches
or pounding of heart or having a
difficulty concentrating or
breathing faster or tensing your
shoulders or simply “seeing red”?
Any of the mentioned signs are
actually physical warning about
your increasing anger; it’s just like
a volcano ready to explode.
Secondly you have to actively
identify the negative thought
patterns that trigger your temper.
You may think that external things
such as the insensitive actions of
other people, or frustrating
situations are what cause your
anger. But anger problems have
less to do with what happens to
you than how you interpret and
think about what happened.
Actually there are common
negative thought patterns that
fuel the anger such as
“overgeneraliza tions”; For
example saying, “You always
interrupt me. You NEVER consider
my needs. EVERYONE disrespects
me. I NEVER get the credit I
deserve.” “Obsessing on shoulds
and musts”; having a rigid view of
the way things should or must be
and getting angry when reality
doesn’t line up with this vision.
“Mind reading or jumping to
conclusions”; assuming you
“know” what someone else is
thinking or feeling—that he or
she intentionally upset you,
ignored your wishes, or
disrespected you. “Blaming”;
when anything bad happens or
something goes wrong, it’s
always someone else’s fault. You
blame others for the things that
happen to you rather than taking
responsibility for your own life.
3. The next step is to learn ways
to cool yourself down. Once you
know how to recognize the
warning signs and triggers, you
can act quickly to deal with your
anger before it spins out of
control. There are many
techniques that can help you cool
down and keep your anger in
check. Firstly try to attempt the
basic deep breathing exercise,
deep, slow breathing helps
counteract rising tension.
Secondly, utilize your 5 senses to
other areas, such as listening to
music or reading an article. This
will help you to think elsewhere
rather than the point of trigger
and take advantage of the
relaxing power of your senses.
Thirdly stretch or massage areas
of tension roll your shoulders if
you are tensing them, or gently
massage your neck and scalp.
Fourthly try to exercise; a brisk
walk around the block is a great
idea. It releases pent-up energy so
you can approach the situation
with a cooler head. Lastly give
yourself a reality check regarding
the situation, think in various
ways for example “is it worth
getting angry about it?” or “is it
worth ruining my day?” or “is
taking action worth my time”? or
“is my response appropriate to
the situation”? or “what will be
the consequences if I lash out”?
With such thoughts try to
dissipate the situation, ignore
whatever happened and do not
take any step.
4. In case you feel that the
situation is worth getting angry
about and there’s something you
can do to make it better, the key is
to express your feelings in a
healthy way. When communicated
respectfully and channeled
effectively, anger can be a
tremendous source of energy and
inspiration for change. Before
taking any step remember a brisk
walk, a trip to the gym, or a few
minutes listening to some music
should allow you to calm down,
releases pent up emotion, and
then approach the situation with
a cooler head. Remember certain
points, firstly make relationship
your priority. Maintaining and
strengthening the relationship,
rather than “winning” the
argument, should always be your
first priority. Be respectful of the
other person and his or her
viewpoint. Secondly, focus on the
present, once you are in the heat
of arguing, it’s easy to start
throwing past grievances into the
mix. Rather than looking to the
past and assigning blame, focus
on what you can do in the
present to solve the problem.
Thirdly be willing to forgive
resolving conflict is impossible if
you’re unwilling or unable to
forgive. Resolution lies in
releasing the urge to punish,
which can never compensate for
our losses and only adds to our
injury by further depleting and
draining our lives so make it easy
for yourselves and other forgive
them and forget it altogether.
Fourthly if you can’t come to an
agreement, agree to disagree. It
takes two people to keep an
argument going. If a conflict is
going nowhere, you can choose
to disengage and move on.
5.Make it a habit to try to avoid
places, situations and people that
cause you anger. Stressful events
don’t excuse anger, but
understanding how these events
affect you can help you take
control of your environment and
avoid unnecessary aggravation.
Look at your regular routine and
try to identify activities, times of
day, people, places, or situations
that trigger irritable or angry
feelings, think about ways to
avoid these triggers or view the
situation differently so it doesn’t
make your blood boil.
