The Institute of Self Management - TISM

H for H & H....
Hold The Door Open (HTDO) for happiness and harmony....

Friends, first of all, a very big thank you to all of you for showering your love and appreciation on my last blog-post tiled "Forgiveness - The Forgotten Virtue" and which has really pegged me on to delve deeper into my favourite subject of 'Self-Management' and bring to fore another forgotten virtue of HTDO which could really help us spread the much needed peace and happiness around us in order to make our life more beautiful and our world, a more wonderful place to live in....

Though I am sure most of us know what HTDO is, however, let me share a short story with you to explain this practice of HTDO;

It was a hectic weekday morning as usual when Karan (Business Development Manager with a mid-sized company) arrived at a commercial complex for a meeting with the 'CEO' of a large corporate client expecting to sign a big contract for his company. The parking lot was packed and there were quite a few cars crawling, with their drivers looking for vacant parking slots....

Karan spotted a vacant space ahead and drove forward to avail the same and though he could very well see an elderly man trying to reverse his car into the same slot, but in an attempt to beat the other man to it, Karan quickly zoomed in and parked his car in that slot ahead (of that elderly man) and pumped his fist in the air triumphantly. That elderly man was certainly disappointed as he looked at Karan with disdain and moved on to continue his search for another parking slot....

Now, looking exultant - as we all sometimes do, after achieving life's little victories such as finding a parking slot, Karan came out of the parking lot and headed towards the office of his client....and was informed at the reception that the gentleman with whom he had a meeting (their CEO) hadn't arrived in the office yet so Karan decided to avail the restroom in the meantime....And then as he came out, he was informed by the front desk that their CEO had arrived and that he could meet him now however as Karan walked into his office, he was literally startled to see that man - the CEO.... Yes, you guessed it right! He happened to be the same man from whom Karan had snatched the parking slot, a short while ago....And no prizes for guessing as to what happened thereafter! Alas! If only Karan had grown up with the HTDO habit!!!!

Talking of self-management, HTDO (Hold The Door Open) can be a very good stress-reliever for the person practicing this - besides of course, a little amount of good it does to the other person, who we do it for - the beneficiary of this gesture!

Remember, how good it made you feel (even if only for that moment) when someone, walking in front (of you) held the door open for you, as you approached the entrance of your office, a mall or a restaurant or wherever, for that matter....And I am sure, it must have happened to you before but the question here is how many times we do it for others....But, isn't it a bit surprising that although we all feel good when someone holds the door open for us, we seldom do the same for others? And the primary reason for the same, seemingly, is that we all are too pre-occupied with ourselves and so much obsessed with getting ahead that we tend to forget that this behaviour of helping and caring for others is the very backbone of our social fiber and which ironically is getting eroded now and that's why we see most of the people, who would push open a door, walk through and then let it slam behind them (as our dear friend Karan did in the above story) and the result is infront of us - a literally fragmented society, constant friction in our relationships, lack of meaningful bonds and increasing hate crime....

But then it is still not too late, as we can make a small beginning like practicing these theories like; HTDO or FORGIVENESS (which I talked about in my previous blog), EMPATHY & COMPASSION (the subjects of my next one) as these happen to be life-changing theories, which unfortunately are not taught in any school curriculum, as yet....

So guys let's hold the door open (HTDO) for others and see the doors of your happiness & harmony getting opened for all of us....

GOD BLESS....

Source of Information and Disclaimer ;
This blog is based on a short story which has been improvised upon to convey the significance of practicing HTDO to spread happiness and harmony around us and thereby leading a stress-free life, however the author doesn't entirely rule-out the possibilities of similarities with some already published content....

Forgiveness" - the forgotten virtue....
Friends, you open your newspaper these days and literally get aghast to notice dastardly instances of rage & revenge, angst & vengeance....anger & agitation and hatred & intolerance....And most of the times these incidents happen to get triggered by small arguments and trivial skirmishes driven by that one-upmanship and sheer intolerance and at the times the bone of contention appears to be so petty and insignificant in nature that you often wonder as to what has happened to our society known for its age-old virtues such as patience, tolerance, forgiveness and selflessness? And when, how and why has human life become so worthless that our 'hatred' for each other has taken precedence over 'humanity' and which has led to an almost anarchical world-order, lately....
Well, the fact remains that however gloomy the picture may appear but we at our end must try and practice forgiveness in our day to day routine to the best of our capabilities in order to spread peace and happiness around this very volatile and turbulent world that we are witnessing today.

And that's why friends, I picked up a short story and tried improvising upon the same, to convey the importance of practicing forgiveness....

The story goes as below;

A life coach was holding a two-day session on 'Life Management' in an educational institution and when he was talking about 'Forgiveness' as a way of life for a stress-free living, a few of the students expressed their reservations on his views, opining that it was easier to preach than to follow and they urged him to substantiate his theory by way of a practical example thereof....

That life coach obliged them by suggesting that he would love to do that and requested them to bring along a plastic bag containing a few tomatoes with each tomato carrying the name of a person who they, hate or are nursing a grudge against....so the number of tomatoes that every student should bring in his/her plastic bag would depend on the number of people he/she hated....

On the following day, the students brought some tomatoes with the name of the people they hated. And while some had 1-2 tomatoes and some 3 or 4, a few students carried 5 or even 6-7 tomatoes in their bags. The life coach examined their bags carefully and announced that he would hold the concluding session of his lecture after a week only and then asked those students to carry that bag of tomatoes with them wherever they go (even to the toilet) for that intervening week....
Though the students were a bit bemused at this suggestion made by the life coach however finding it somewhat 'Sui Generis' kind of an experiment, most of them agreed to do so....

Now, the students carried that bag with them wherever they went (religiously) however after a couple of days, as the tomatoes started to rot, the students started to experience quite an unpleasant smell let out by the rotten tomatoes and on the 3rd day onwards, the smell became almost unbearable....Besides, to carry that bag with them everywhere literally became a pain in the neck so while some of the students and particularly those carrying relatively heavier bags containing 6-7 tomatoes abandoned the same on the 3rd-4th day itself while the rest too couldn't carry that exercise through for that entire 1 week.
Now, when they re-assembled for the concluding session with the life coach, he asked them about their bags and their experiences with the same.... and while venting out their frustrations and anger, the students almost burst out, complaining of the serious trouble that they had to go through, having to carry those bags, containing badly rotten and smelly tomatoes wherever they went in the preceding week, as per his instructions....

And that's when this life coach explained to them; "Well students, if you couldn't tolerate the smell of rotten tomatoes and felt so bad and nauseated having to carry those for just one week that you were forced to throw those away, imagine what it is like to carry the hatred for somebody inside your heart and mind for your lifetime so students, please throw away any/all hatred for anyone from your heart by forgiving them right away and trust me you would feel much lighter in your heart and much freer in your mind as forgiveness is designed to relieve you of your hurt and pain...."

Forgiveness brings the forgiver peace of mind and it frees the forgiver from corrosive anger, helping him or her letting go of deeply held negative feelings of resentment & vengeance....

Forgiveness not only empowers you to recognise the pain and the hurt emanating out of those supposed wrong acts/deeds of yours OR of others but also enables you to overcome that pain, heal your wounds (mental/spiritual & at times physical as well) and it contributes to your overall well-being too by lowering the risk of heart attack; improving cholesterol levels and sleep; and reducing pain, blood pressure, and also the levels of your anxiety, depression and stress....

See, we may or may not realise this but there we carry an enormous physical burden to being hurt and disappointed so it is only better that we absolve ourselves of that hurt and the pain quickly enough to regain control over our emotions and move on. After-all, a bend in the road is not the end of the road so negotiate the same diligently, without losing focus and keep moving forward with a constructive and rather progressive approach....And by the way, to forgive someone (or ourselves, for that matter) doesn't mean condoning anyone's or our wrongful actions. It just means easing the burden of revenge and hatred from our shoulders and getting on with our lives with a positive mindset....Forgiveness is not about exonerating the offender(s) and it is certainly not about approving what happened. It's about choosing to rise above the agony and the pain of harbouring a grudge and it liberates us from agony and vengeance and helps us to get rid of an endless & rather vicious cycle of resentment & retaliation and the pain caused by it....So let's learn to forgive and forget to lead a life free of stress....

God bless....

Picture Quotes Courtesy;
Alexander Pope & Marianne Williamson

Source of Information and Disclaimer ;

This blog is based on a short story which has been improvised upon to convey the significance of practicing forgiveness to spread peace and happiness around us and thereby leading a stress-free life, however the author doesn't entirely rule-out the possibilities of similarities with some already published content....

TITO - THE BEST PRACTICE TO GET RID IF YOUR STRESS....

Hello friends, a big thank you again for the love and appreciation that you have showered upon my latest blogs "Solve your problems with a cool head", "The importance of Re-routing in life", "Mothers are Demi-Gods", "Self-Appraisal", "Womanhood- Divinity Personified", "Let's make others happy to be happy", "Everything happens for a reason" & "Leader knows the way, shows the way & goes the way", Let's deflate our air of ego" & "Let's be receptive"....God bless you all....

Today, I am going to talk about an amazing remedy to stay ailment-free & stress-free by getting rid of our stress and keeping the ailments away by practicing "TITO"....

How AILMENTS are born ????
How STRESS gets created ????

When you;
Swallow the bitterness AND Shut your mouth.... Hold back your tears AND Control your mind....

Take every s**t in your stride with a pinch of salt....
& Suppress your feelings AND Silence your heart....

But don't forget that THE BODY SPEAKS....
Yes my friends, IT DOES;

It speaks through a lump in our throat!
It speaks through our fingers, tapping on the table surface!
It speaks through our restless feet in bed!
It speaks through a nasty headache!
It speaks through churning in our stomach!
It speaks through gastritis, reflux, and anxiety!
It speaks through anguished wrinkles on our forehead.
It speaks through insomnia or even through an over-stretched sleeping bout!

WELL, when you silence your voice, the inner dialogue begins! When you suppress your emotions, the inner conflicts erupt!

People get ill because they harbor bitterness, they become sick when they keep undigested issues & negativity in their hearts....

Pain isn't meant to be endured for ever !!!!
Pain can at best be a comma, not meant to stop the flow of an expression (read life)....

Expression soothes the soul ! And Indulgence satisfies the heart!

So, don't suppress and rather express yourself; Laugh, Cry, Sing, Dance, Read, Write, Paint, Eat, Drink, Jog in the park, Talk to your family & friends, Talk to yourself, Talk to your pet(s), Converse with God, Meet-up people (even on-line), Speak with your therapist and if nothing works, Scream to the Heavens....

BUT DON'T REMAIN SILENT ALL THE TIME !!!!
Because if you remain silent and swallow everything that you feel, you will end up drowning....

REMEMBER, OUR HEART IS NOT A WAREHOUSE OF NEGATIVE FEELINGS....

And the body speaks! And all you need to do is to listen to it and act accordingly....

So friends, always listen to your body, listen to your inner voice and remain in touch with yourself and keep performing this simple exercise called; TITO (Trash-in-Trash-out)....

TITO works on a simple theory that all (inevitable) in-coming trash (read negativity) has to be trashed out (of our minds) regularly in order to ensure that we live with cleaner & clearer minds largely devoid of any negativity and non-useful, non-productive thoughts....

The need for cleansing our minds on a daily basis is necessitated due to a constant inflow & rather onslaught of negativity, we invariably face and inadvertently in-hale literally from all quarters and virtually at all times despite our positive outlook and the guarded approach....

It is much like the fact that even though we regularly clean our bodies, mop our homes & offices, wash our cars each day, without fail because we don't wish to carry dirt, dust, filth or trash around us however this dirt, dust or trash starts engulfing us, our bodies and our possessions, almost immediately thereafter despite whatever protection cover you may take....and since we can not prevent this pollution to sneak-in, we resort to regular cleaning day-after-another to ensure that this dust doesn't settle-in (& accummulate further) to cause decay, rusting, erosion, cracks and damage to our possessions - likewise - we must also try and protect our minds (& souls) besides our bodies from this unavoidable onslaught of all pervading negativity and prevent our minds (& souls) from getting polluted and (again) since we can stop this negativity (read trash) from coming into our minds from our surroundings, we must however keep throwing this negativity out of our minds on a regular basis so that this incoming trash doesn't settle in our minds causing stress and the resultant damage....

And mind it, this trash (negativity) and the resultant erosion in our peace of mind can play havoc with our minds & souls (the most neglected of our body parts when it comes to daily cleansing) and if not addressed timely this negativity causes ir-reparable stress to us that starts eating us out from inside making us weeker physically, mentally & spritiually by each passing day though we never realise this erosion or maybe do it when it is kind of late.
So, I suggest you must try practicing TITO by mopping off and sweeping out all your trash i.e. grudges, disappointments, doubts, non-useful & unproductive thoughts and negativity from your mind on a regular basis much like you brush your teeth, wash (& kind of clean yourselves) in whatever ways before you call it a day. This exercise of cleansing minds & souls (kind of introspection or meditation in a way) can prove to be very effective not only in helping you get a good, sound sleep but also to wake-up with a properly rested body and a much cleaner, clearer, refreshed & rejuvenated mind (& soul), ready to take on the world with renewed energy levels and a positive outlook....

Therefore, let's start to practice TITO on a daily basis in order to make our minds (& souls) cleaner, more peaceful, happier and virtually bigger with larger room for positive, useful & more productive ideas & thoughts that we would be able to grab and retain (in a cleaner) mind enabling us to cope with the worldly challenges that without getting unduly perturbed about the uncertainties & vagaries of life and making all of us lead happier lives by weeding out all our STRESS which has become a fact of life for most of us in these unprecedentedly difficult days....And though one may not be able to get rid of the stress completely given today's circumstances however one can certainly look for ways to minimize one's stress to quite some extent....

So I am re-presenting here a few stress busting ideas that have really worked wonders for me, helping me keep my stress levels in check and though some of these ideas may sound some what bookish (or preechy) but I actually have implemented these to great success before mustering the conviction to share these ideas with you in the difficult times that we all are witnessing these days ;;;;

Pamper yourself by indulging in self-care;

Love yourself and take good care of your body....Get plenty of rest, eat healthy, build immunity and more importantly exercise. Following a regular exercise regime is one of the best ways not only to remain fit but also to manage stress....And if (for some reason) you don't get time for physical exercise then taking regular walks is a great way to remain healthy, physically fit & stress-free....Try it....

Learn to enjoy yourselves;

Do things that you enjoy doing.... A hobby can help you relax like listening to some soothing music or watching your favorite programme or some interesting movie surely relieves you of your stress....& Volunteering work (or any work that helps others) can be a great stress reliever too....

Learn to Relax (& Chill);

Learn ways to relax your body and also your mind when feeling stressed....Look for the humor in life....Laughter really can be the best medicine for stress....It is not necessary to take everything happening around us that seriously at all times.... Have fun and stay smiling....Wearing a smile on your face can be a soothener for everyone around you which minimises (& dilutes) everyone's stress to great extent....(So take a chill pill....)

Perform Yoga (& Meditate);

Some very effective ways to de-stress oneself happen to be breathing exercises, muscle relaxation exercises, some kind of body massage or yoga or meditation (for that matter) as these are time-tested and sure-shot means of coping with stress.... (requiring no endorsement from anyone)....

Vent out your feelings constructively;

Laugh, Cry, Sing, Talk, Read or Write....I mean, do whatever but let your feelings come out as it provides you with a vent to express yourself....At times, one is not able to handle one's stress all by oneself so talking to a friend or family member may help....People who happen to have a stronger network of family and friends are able to manage their stress better....

Speak your heart (or your mind atleast);

At times not being able to talk about your concerns leads to grudges and then the resultant stress....A polite yet firm and assertive communication can help you express your feelings about a certain thing or a situation in a thoughtful, tactful way making the other person sit-up and take serious notice of your needs....and that can resolve (both) your inner & outer conflicts in a much better way and thereby reducing your stress significantly....So speak-up and don't sulk & nurse grudges....
(& learn to say "no" wherever necessary....)

Focus on your present day priorities;

Concentrate on your present day priorities rather than unnecessarily worrying about the future....You may get more done with less of a struggle (& resultant stress) if you make a schedule and prioritise your activities, helping you manage your time (in hand) well and ensure lesser stress....

Let go of your unnecessary fears;

When you find yourself starting to worry on some issue, take a minute to assess whether it was due to something beyond your control (like this corona turbulence) and then just shrugg off your worries and try & divert your attention to something more constructive....Let go of your fears and take it easy to remain stress-free....

AND Finally, keep your expectations in check;
William Shakespeare had once said that;
"Expectation is the root of all heartache."

And I discovered that it was true to the hilt as one of the major sources of the our disappointment & disillusionment is when we do not find people around us behaving in accordance to our expectations....And though it a general human tendency to have certain expectations from certain people but it would be worth trying to lower your expectations in order to keep your displeasure (& resultant stress) under check....So forgive & forget....

So friends, here we are, ready to face the world and this present day stress with a smile on our faces....

HAPPY STRESS BUSTING TO ALL WHILE I WISH ALL OF A LUFE FREE OF STRESS....

&
GOD BLESS....

It is OK to get drenched in rain sometimes as we need some divine washing periodically....

Hello friends, a big thank you again for the love and appreciation that you have showered upon my latest blogs "Stress Management", "The importance of Re-routing in life", "Mothers are Demi-Gods", "Self-Appraisal", "Womanhood- Divinity Personified", "Let's make others happy to be happy", "Everything happens for a reason" & "Leader knows the way, shows the way & goes the way", Let's deflate our air of ego" & "Let's be receptive"....God bless you all....

Today, I am going to share an interesting story that tells us that our faith is based on a trust that 'God' will not abandon us or put us in a situation that's too tough to handle.... And if it does, it means that we need some washing !!!!

A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in a shopping mall....As they finished shopping and came out, it started pouring heavily and it caught them unprepared for the downpour....so they stood under the awning where some other people too had taken shelter, waiting for the rain to stop (or atleast slowdown a bit) for them to step-out and while some were standing there patiently, a few others were looking quite restless (even slightly irritated) probably because mother nature brought their hurried day to a halt....By the way, I too was standing there, mesmerized by the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world and lost in the nostalgia of running, splashing so carefree as a child, which came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day....And suddenly, this hypnotic trance, I was all caught in, gets broken with this sweet voice of that little girl, standing next to her mother, as she chirped;

"Mom let's run through the rain...."

'What?' her Mom exclaimed!

"Let's run through the rain, Mom", She repeated!

"No, honey. We should wait until it slows down a bit....", her Mom replied!

The little girl waited for a minute or two and pleaded again; "Mom, let's run through the rain, pleasssse...."

"But, we will get drenched if we do so...." her Mom tried reasoning!

'No, we won't, Mom....And you only had said this in the morning today....", the little girl now asserted, as she tugged at her Mom's arm....

"This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?".... Mom bemusingly questioned her....

"Don't you remember Mom? When you were talking to Granny on her recovery from cancer, you said, 'If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!'...."

Hearing this rationale from that small little girl, every one standing there stopped dead silent, where you couldn't hear anything but the rain....

Her Mom stood virtually zapped and almost clueless as to, how should she react to this amazing logic presented so innocently by her daughter....And all of us were silently waiting for her mother's reaction and while, some of us might have guessed that she might scold her for being silly, some others might have thought that she would simply laugh it off or might just ignore it all together....But that lady perhaps had some different view on this, as being a mother she thought of this as a moment of affirmation in her young daughter's life....A moment, when innocent trust should be nurtured in a manner that it blooms into faith....

So to our pleasant surprise, she answered;
"Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If God lets us get wet....Well, maybe we just needed some washing...."
And then off they ran holding their shopping bags over their heads....We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles....And then suddenly everyone who was standing there too started running, laughing like children and rejoicing the prospect of getting drenched....

And yes, I too ran and got wet as well....May be I also needed some washing !!!!

So friends, after this beautiful experience, I kind of realised that the circumstances or situations can take away our material possessions but no one can ever take away our precious memories so, let's not forget to take some time out of our busy schedules (& our never ending Rat-Race), and avail these small/ little opportunities to make some beautiful memories everyday....

So, spend time with your parents, go out with your family members & have fun with your kids more often, keep in touch with your friends....

And Yes, don't forget to run in the rain and get wet as we all need some washing periodically.

So friends, try living a life free of stress....God bless....

Source of Information and Disclaimer ;

This blog is based on a famous story which has been improvised upon to convey the significance of having faith in God and living a stress-free life, however possibilities of some similarities are not entirely ruled-out....

Let's deflate some air of our egos, biases, attitude, arrogance and of our anger & agitation to be able to lead easier, simpler and happier lives....

Hello friends, A big thank you again for your love and appreciation that you have showered upon my last blog "Let's soar like an Eagle" and I am back with you with my next one talking about the need to deflate our air of arrogance and anger in order to conquer the demons of some of the toughest challenges of our lives.

This blog revolves around a very popular story of a superbly talented mechanical engineer, Karan who worked with a car manufacturing organisation. Working on his dream project of designing a world class car, Karan went on to produce a masterpiece of a car having some really fantastic (& unique features) and invited the President of his company to unveil this model and introduce it to the world.

Impressed with the car's beautiful looks coupled with plush interiors and some wonderful features, the President expressed his desire to take a test ride

however while trying to bring the car out Karan realised that the car was an inch or two taller than the entrance/exit structure of their manufacturing area and would get stuck there because of its height....so he felt bad that he didn't notice the height of the entrance/exit structure while creating the car's design and that he would not be able to bring it out without inflicting a few scratches or causing some dents on top of the car....

And when Karan & his colleagues were thinking of the ways to bring the car out of the manufacturing area, a team member suggested that they should break the entrance/exit structure, take the car out, and later re-do the structure while someone else opined that they can bring out the car and the resultant scratches could be touched up later on....

The President however was not convinced with any of these ideas and felt that it would be a bad sign to break the entrance/exit structure or to let this new car to be subjected to scratches (or may be to some dents/damage as well)....

Now, while Karan and some of his colleagues were standing there virtually clueless alongside their President who too was utterly disappointed with this unanticipated situation, suddenly the security guard of their premises, Arjun who was observing their dilemma from the guard room, approached Karan and after greeting him, politely checked with him if he could suggest a solution to their problem....Karan looked at him in disdain and then as if dismissing him from his presence, asked him to mind his own business....To which Arjun (an athletically built young man) humbly reiterated that any business related to his organisation was his business and that's why he had offered to help him by suggesting a way out of this deadlock....

However Karan was still not sure as to what this guy (who knew nothing more than guarding the premises) would tell him which the experts couldn't....and was about to ask him to leave when their President (who was standing nearby) intervened and asked Arjun to share his suggestion unhesitatingly....

Arjun greeted the President and after taking a small pause suggested that sinc the car was only a couple of inches taller than the entrance so, they should simply release the air in all the 4 tyres of the car which would shorten the height of the car by a few inches and that they can then easily bring the car out without causing any damage to it or to the exit.

And everyone standing there (including the President) applauded this simple yet very effective solution provided by Arjun and while the President shook hands with Arjun and thanked him, Karan too came forward and gave him a tight hug.

Now Karan instructed the team to do as Arjun had suggested and they could bring the car out in a few minutes only....

So friends, what I learnt from this story is that we shouldn't always analyse our problems from an expert's point of view only and must apply a common sensical view as well which would enable us to think of simple yet effective solutions to overcome the challenges of our lives....

And while this story also tells us not to judge anyone's wisdom by one's rank and position and should certainly not underestimate and look down upon somebody just because one happens to be our sub-ordinate and could be lowly placed in an organisational structure as even the lowest step/rung of a ladder has an important role to play in the ladder's structure....However to me, the biggest learning that comes out of this story is that it's all about adjusting the height of our egotism, biases, arrogance & attitude to come out unscathed from the harsh challenges that we get to face every now and then and that we should deflate the air of our ego & arrogance to make things easier & uncomplicated for us and lead simpler & happier lives....

So friends, deflate some air & take care.
God bless....

Source of Information and Disclaimer ;

This blog is based on a popular story which has been improvised upon to convey that by letting go of our egos, biases, arrogance & attitude we can make our lives easier and happier.... However a few similarities with some similar articles are not entirely ruled-out....