HappYness Coaching

Here is part 2 of The HappYness Helix Podcast, Episode 8, with Jaya. We delve deeper into entrepreneurship - and what it entails.

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Tha HappYness Helix Podcast 8 part 2 !

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The HappYness Helix Podcast Episode 8 Part 2 In this exciting Part 2 of the HappYness Helix Podcast, Cheenu continues his conversation with Jaya Kumar, diving deep into the challenges and rewards of being a tech entrepreneur in the late 1990s. They explore Jaya’s journey, including his post-exit story, balancing family life with entrepreneu....

Act or accept! Don't crib or complain! Cribbing and complaining don't create anything useful. It only adds to one's existing discomfort, pain and suffering. So, act if it matters to you - by being the change, not by ranting and raving. If you can't act, accept, and be at peace. Regardless, act, or accept! Don't crib or complain! Be the change you want in the world.

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Facebook brought up this post from 12 years ago as a memory:

"Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you." Richard Bach - Messiah's Handbook, Page 138

And that got me thinking:

I did not have the kind of nuanced understanding that I do now, about this statement. And the truth is that all the people and events in my life are there for one purpose alone - to support, enable, inspire and enhance my growth.

There's no good, bad, better, worse, success, failure, pain or joy except in my thinking.

What is, is! Everyone in my life is the way they are in my experience - and the sooner and better I accept them as they are, and look at each of them as teachers, guides and enablers of change, the better my life will be.

Any amount of thinking of "if only," "why did this happen," "why did they act like this" isn't going to help - unless I adopt an attitude of learning and becoming better. And playing the victim, being the martyr, or the hero or heroine, isn't going to help in the least. Why? Heroine, hero, villain is all situational and dependent on perspective. (and everyone is the hero or heroine in their story)

On the journey of being a coach, I have had many who have complained about their childhood. In the initial meetings, many have had not so nice things to say about their parents and caregivers. And over time and with reframing and taking responsibility, the same have then begun to think of the very same parents and caregivers as being kind, warm and loving, and as fallible humans who did best what they knew at that time and in that situation. What made this possible was the simple act of reframing past situations as learning opportunities and events as learning experiences.

So, it will be in my best interest to consider everyone as being in my life for a purpose and that purpose is to help me become a better version of myself. And in that sense, everyone is my teacher, and every event, a learning opportunity or experience. And so I am grateful to each and everyone who's been in my life, and for each and every experience.

In every moment a choice, and in my choices, my freedom, liberation and peace.

Difficult or trying times? Really? Or are these simply times that we have not experienced? And therefore not prepared to face, and want to wish away? Have we become mentally and emotionally less strong than our preceding generations? Are there lessons we need to learn from the actions of those who came before us?

Almost everyone seems to be referring to these times as difficult, trying, and the like. And many seem to be adopting a stance that the pandemic, and the virus that causes it, is an enemy; that this is a "war" and that we will need to defeat the virus. There is much resentment and anger towards the virus, and whom they think are responsible for the situation!

Is that really so? When we delve deeper, and think a little more, from a bigger perspective, the view that emerges might be very different. The writer is aware that to many, these thoughts might seem like the rambling of a crazy person who is not in touch with reality. The writer invites those who think so to read the Sufi story of "The Water of Madness" - might make one chuckle as well. And on the same lines, Paulo Coelho says very profoundly, "Collective madness is called sanity!"

Almost anyone who has heard recollections from families that lived a 100 years ago, there are enough instances of many children dying in the family. For example, on the writer's paternal and maternal sides, there were probably around 10 aunts or uncles who did not live long enough to become adults. And what did this do to the families? Something magical - it helped them cherish life a lot more, and give more importance to relationships and family. A bye-product was that it helped them develop mental and emotional resilience and strength, and the fortitude to progress through the trials and tribulations of life. And yes, it also made them appreciate the things they had in life, and be grateful for everything that exists.

Over the years, we have seen an increase in life expectancy, and a reduction in child mortality to almost zero. Both these are things that need to be celebrated and express gratitude for - especially to those who took the grief and sorrow from losing young or loved ones, and came up with methods and practices that ensured better childhood health, and overall life expectancy.

OPINION ALERT: However, along with this, it also led to an attitude of entitlement and an overall lessening of emotional and mental strength and fortitude. (Since it is an opinion, the reader is well within their right to disagree totally and completely with the writer's thoughts. And well, that might apply to everything that is ever stated by anyone, anywhere!)

Regardless, the point of this note is to share a perspective that the times are not trying, difficult, or bad - just that the paradigm has shifted, and many, have not even in their wildest dreams, thought of such situations. It might be more useful to stop adopting a "war or fight" mentality, and adopt a more benign and enabling perspective. And adopting such an attitude might help create and share an air of positivity, hope, strength, and cheer! Viktor Frankl said, "when a person is no longer able to change a situation, they are forced to change themselves." That might very well be the case now, and this is most likely the new normal. The faster we come to terms with it, and act accordingly, the better it might be for all beings on this planet.

PS. Given that many find this situation is difficult, these posts, articles and thoughts are shared more frequently than in the past. The intention is SIMPLY to enable and spread positivity, and enhance the ability of others to live better. And this might entail offering a contrarian or different perspective. The intent is certainly not to cause any strife or negativity. Thanks much!

Grief & Sorrow are important emotions and make us human, help us learn lessons, become stronger, and prepare better for the future. When any emotion overpowers, that also means that other emotions and faculties are dulled, and not as effective. Hence, the need to keep all emotions at appropriate levels, and to stay resourced at all times.

In these trying times, to the person experiencing the grief and sorrow of losing a loved one, these words are likely to be crass, or harsh, or empty even. The intent of this message is only to share some thoughts that might give a perspective that might be helpful, and to offer a few suggestions on handling grief and sorrow, and being resourced appropriately.

Tetsuro Matsuzawa, the Japanese primate researcher, and author of the Cognitive Trade-off Hypothesis, was asked what differentiates humans from our closest evolutionary cousins, the chimpanzees. He said, "Caring and sharing makes us human." There probably are not too many definitions that are as crisp and direct as this one. If caring and sharing makes us human, it also means that caring and sharing, are the root cause of grief and sorrow. Psychopaths have been known NOT to feel these emotions!

Grief is real. Sorrow is real. And to the greatest number of people, these are quite debilitating. And anything that debilitates, makes us less. And therefore the need to learn to re-purpose, re-frame and leverage this grief and sorrow.

How does one handle grief? One of the ways is, simply put, by grieving. Grieving processes involve feeling the sense of sorrow, loss, and grief fully, and letting all of those out of the system.

Note: As a practice, the writer of this article schedules periodic "grieving sessions" - these are sessions when the writer is alone, and brings up all those things that could potentially cause grief, feel the grief and sorrow fully, and grieves! This involves almost always, crying and sobbing "one's heart out!" And it is very liberating. And the griever then comes back to being resourced.

The grieving process is akin to excreting waste products from the body! Grief likely also builds up and is useful to therefore excrete it from the system. This helps the griever become more resourced, and purposeful, and to make appropriate use of the cause of the grief/sorrow. History is filled with such instances where there are those who are able to channelise the grief and sorrow appropriately, learn lessons, and to bring about corrective and preventive measures that help others, not have to grieve!

And with all of that, it is also useful to come to terms with a humbling reality - that whatever is born, WILL DIE! This is part of a natural process whereby all things are kept in balance. (Estimates are that until now 100 Billions humans have inhabited the earth, including the 7.5 Billions on the planet now.) And as has been said by many, immortality might be the worst curse that could be given to a human!

So, what is the good life? what is the right age for one to live? Well, that is a question that does not have any correct or appropriate answer at all. Let's acknowledge that death and therefore sorrow and grief, are an integral part of human life and indeed might be the very things that define "being human." Let us therefore learn to let go of the grief and sorrow periodically, so that the lives we live, are purposeful, healthy, happy, joyful, fulfilled and peaceful and most importantly, USEFUL.
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Some tips to stay happy, positive, healthy and safe in these trying times.

What follows, is extracted and distilled from the decades of research conducted by giants in various fields. And none of this might be new at all. And might seem too simple. Remember. Simple doesn't mean easy to adhere. And it's not knowledge, and application of knowledge that brings benefit. Doing what one knows is useful is needed.

Stating the obvious: Maintain physical distancing, wear masks, wash hands with soap - this is extremely important. Avoid public or crowded places, and any unnecessary travel.

Aside of that, a few things that can be easy to do, to take care of anxiety, fear, depression etc., and to build immunity overall, in these trying times.

1. A diet that includes 35%-50% of salads, greens,* that includes carrots, beet, green, yellow and red capsicum / peppers, lettuce, tomatoes, cucumber, and steamed legumes and other plant based proteins. Along with this, spinach, cooked very lightly is useful. Reducing oils and any processed foods, avoiding sugary drinks, excess carbohydrates, fried foods, can be extremely useful. Adding food that's high in fiber is great. Staying hydrated is most useful.

2. Sunlight of at least 1 hour before 9 am preferably every day. This could be coupled with light cardiovascular or other exercise as well. Slowly increasing the cardiovascular strain through exercise is most beneficial. At no point in time should exercise be excessive or cause much pain. Listening to one's body and slowly building strength is most useful.

3. A lukewarm shower or bath before going to sleep. Taping mouth whilst sleeping is useful. Myotape has an excellent mouth tape that's very useful to keep mouth closed whilst sleeping - else a small strip of surgical tape can be used. Nasal breathing enhances quality of sleep. Flushes the brain clean of all toxins that create this condition of depression, anxiety, etc. And helps build immunity.

4. On the subject of sleep - Sleep is the biggest contributor to immunity building, by itself. Ensuring between 7 and 9 hours of sleep is most useful. Avoiding caffeine or alcohol after 2 pm is most useful. Staying away from any lighted screen (phone, pc, tablet, TV) at least 60 minutes before sleeping is useful. Again, the importance of sleep is very high in building immunity.

5. Nasal cleansing (jal neti) twice daily enhances ability to breathe through the nostrils alone. This greatly enhances overall cardiovascular health and ensures that the brain and other parts of the body get the appropriate fuels.

6. Simple meditation or mindfulness can be greatly useful. If that's not possible, listening to any meditative chants or brain waves altering music can help. There are quite a few that are found. Some examples are any form of classical music, preferably instrumental. Dr Jeffrey Thompson has created much that's available online.

7. Maintaining a HappYness or Gratitude Journal will be greatly useful. A format that incorporates best practices, can be shared, if needed.

8. Stating these 3 positive affirmations repeatedly (9-12 repetitions) at varying times during the day will be greatly useful. These can be stated whenever there's any discomfort that's noticed. Best stated as a preventive measure, thrice daily.

*- I love and accept myself exactly as I am.
*- every day, in every way. I am getting better and better.
*- all was, is, and will be well.

9. Lastly but certainly not the least important, reach out and enhance social and family connections. Talk to people, instead of having text exchanges. In today's technology enabled world, having a video call with people is easy. Social connections enhance better mental and emotional health which lead to better physical health.

Hopefully, these are useful. Stay safe, stay blessed, stay happy, keep smiling.

Please feel free to reach out on anything specific that you might need clarification on.

The reason running after any possession is actually a waste of time, energy, effort, and actually self inflicted torture! And yet, do the best one can, with the greatest good of the greatest number of beings as the main aim... And slowly, move away from even the notion of doing, doership, giving, givership, enjoying, enjoyership - and attain true equanimity - which might actually be the bliss that is mentioned by all the knowing ones.

Brian Tracy said, "If I want something I haven't had before, I have to do something I haven't done before!"

Albert Einstein said, "Doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result is Insanity!"

Jiddu Krishnamurti said, "The hardest thing to learn is what one thinks they already know!"

Richard Boyatzis said, "Self assessment is not just illusional; It's delusional!

Taking all that as part of one's learning, might always be useful to take inputs, feedback and feed-forward from others for one's growth.

And to constantly check whether one is acting as though they know it all, and think they're God's gift to mankind (in an arrogant manner,) and that they're perfectly capable of evaluating themselves and their actions. For one who thinks they know, proves they really don't. And stops learning. And stops growing.

Being a learner constantly in "know nothing" state, is probably most useful to keep learning, growing, and most importantly, remain modest, humble and respectful at all times. And that probably is a useful, easy, way to being happy.

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This message is also sent via WhatsApp through the HappYness Coaching broadcast lists. If anyone would like to join the list and receive them directly through WhatsApp, kindly send a direct message with your mobile number and name to +91-82177-50131. Your number will then be added to the list.
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June 15, 2020 - Tips for maintaining mental & emotional equilibrium.

Here are some tips that might be useful to handle the stress that comes from being alone or without social contact for extended periods of time.

These are some very simple easy steps to take to handle the "biochemical environment" within. 3 simple things that can be simple and easy are:

1. Every hour do some physical exercise - this helps use up the chemicals of fight or flight that have built up from worrying. The exercise must get your heart rate up a bit.

2. Consciously, set an alarm or reminder to breathe with awareness at least once in 2 hours. Use whatever rhythm that feels comfortable to you and just extend the exhale by about 1-2 seconds more than the inhale.

3. Talk to someone you care about and ensure that you are both aware and focused on inspiring each other - avoid worst-case scenario topics. Alternatively, talk to someone who WILL cheer you up.

Reach out and talk to people! And if you're the one who's being reached out to, ensure you're optimistic. Keep any and all infinite wisdom regarding negativity to yourself! And be someone who is truly positive.

Stay aware, stay safe, stay happy, STAY CAREFUL and STAY POSITIVE.

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This message is also sent via WhatsApp through the HappYness Coaching broadcast lists. If anyone would like to join the list and receive them directly through WhatsApp, kindly send a direct message with your mobile number and name. Your number will then be added to the list.
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I have been conducting a series of webinars for TiE Bangalore as part of the "Well-being Toolkit for Entrepreneurs" series. Yesterday's session was about Communication and Relationships in chaotic times. For those interested, the recording of the webinar and the presentation used can be found here:

https://1drv.ms/u/s!AkOCaShpus3Js3klx0UT6L_7WS-W?e=ii27vI

It's an hour long program with a presentation (approximately 30 minutes) and then Q&A.

OneDrive

Couldn't? Or didn't?
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Many use the word 'couldn't' when they ought to be really using the word 'didn't.'

And how or why is that important? Simple! One (Didn't) gives us control and indicates choice, the other (Couldn't) makes us a victim or powerless.

REMEMBER: Words make a world of difference! The words we use, create our worlds. Just saying.. 🤔
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This message is also sent via WhatsApp through the HappYness Coaching broadcast lists. If anyone would like to join the list and receive them directly through WhatsApp, kindly send a direct message with your mobile number and name. Your number will then be added to the list.
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Visual reminders are very useful to create habits that are useful. Creating one with your own effort, like in this case handwritten, will help be aware both consciously and unconsciously. It becomes second nature first and then first nature second! 😉😅😀😂

This is what I created for myself!