Montessori Moments

What about you? How do you deal w the different children you raise?

What do u think????

Did you catch my article in the Bina??

If u get the Bina for Rosh Hashana u might find this article interesting....let me know your thoughts....

Happy Purim! I was thinking about happiness and this came up on my feed. Thank you to the person who shared it!

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough, and we'll be more content when they are.

After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage.We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our partner gets his or her act together when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice holiday, when we retire.

The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when?

Your life will always be filled with challenges.

It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.

A quote comes from Alfred D. Souza. He said,

"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."

This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.

So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time...and remember that time waits for no one.

So, stop waiting until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until summer, until winter, until your song comes on, until you've had a drink.... there is no better time than right now to be happy.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

Work like you don't need money,

Love like you've never been hurt,

And dance like no one's watching.

Today I ran the 10 k w my girls from Orot Hatorah. I am so proud of them!!!!

Who do I blame? Is it my fault?!
Like many moms, I take a lot a pleasure in my children, particularly the nachas of watching them grow! And I know you’ve felt it, too, that feeling inside…that excited feeling inside like maybe – be’ezras Hashem! - something I did or a part of me encouraged or inspired this child’s success. So the pride is intertwined with a pride in myself for having such great kids.
Unfortunately, the flip side is devastatingly true, too: when one of them made a mistake or got into trouble I might find myself being angry or upset or disappointed, but there was also a twinge of (guilty?) pain for myself inside of me! That questioning voice: what could I have done to prevent this...could I have given them better tools..? I guess it’s the way I see life – a bit of me in them and a bit of them in me. And I could always live with it, always get over it. That is, until I had a child who simply did not fit the mold….
I found myself in a state of absolute panic. What happened, how could this happen?! Did I do this, did my husband, did the school..? Worse – although it was the thing that made me reassess my whole point of view – was that I could hear (sense?) family members and neighbors and friends asking the same questions!
My self-conscious chesbon hanesfesh reached new heights (OK, lows!) and I became hyper-sensitive to the world around me and how that world looked at and saw my family and me. Not that I didn’t care beforehand – I assure you I did – but suddenly I found myself standing alone, knowing that there were others looking at me, worried that if my child was like this maybe he could and would lead others astray (like maybe it’s contagious...) And I’m not saying that it isn’t a possibility – kids do do what they see their friends doing – but the feeling was so difficult, so isolating. This was 25 years ago, and no one was talking about “off the derech” (G-d, I still hate that expression!) I didn’t know where or who to turn to, what I could do to “make things better.” It seemed like everyone I did talk to had different advice about how to handle this. But no shoe fit the foot: I wanted a solution to figure this out, but knew the problem was not black and white; so my heart told me that the solution wouldn’t be black or white either.
Looking back, I’m struck by how much blame I took – especially from myself – for what happened. I felt so certain that I (or something around me) messed up and I was suffering because of it. So I davened, I cried, I sent for segulos and more…I felt like the world of this child and my own rested on the outcome. And this was WRONG.
I am sure that I have my own tikkunim to do – many, for sure –but I learned a lesson that I wish I knew before this came up. And this is why I’m writing (maybe the sharing is part of that tikkun): I’ve learned more about acceptance, about shame and especially about blame. I have gained a deeper depth of perspective.
In a nutshell: every person must go on their own journey, and we do not control that journey...only Hashem does. We can contribute to another’s expedition, but it isn’t ours: we can watch it, but we can’t own it.
Each of my children has his and her own journey and I cannot take that away from them. Each child is on their derech; and while I can (and MUST) support and love and care and try to give them the tools they need to be their best, I’m not in the driver’s seat. Not only that, but if they choose to ignore the GPS (I hope I’m not riding the metaphor too far) I can’t control that, either! It was painful to not be in control – like watching the toddler pull the vase off the table and not being able to get to it before it hits the tiled floor – but I needed to learn it. A major turning point came when a good friend – one who did not leave me during this time – said, “You know, Rivkah, you loved your kids, you cared for them, you gave them your all...” Up to that point I was so sure it was my fault.
It still didn’t come easily, I had to think about what she said. I pulled out pictures of that child: did they look happy? did I hug them enough? did they get what the other children got? did I give them what they needed?! Coming to a place of acceptance was a long time coming for me.
I had to learn to put that negativity and self-blaming into a box; a box I would only open when I was davening or in therapy (oh, yes I did therapy. I desperately wanted – still WANT – to better understand what happened and how to deal with it.) I had to learn to accept that my child’s journey is his; and as much as I wanted to change it, I need to accept that there are things I just could not have foreseen or done anything about. Being a good parent doesn’t guarantee anything. Having a challenged child doesn’t automatically imply anything, either...
The payoff? It has helped me change my relationship with my children today. I still want to be that “perfect parent person” for them, but I understand that even if I could be it, it wouldn’t guarantee me results: I’ve stopped judging myself based on RESULTS. I daven with a fuller – but lighter, less burdened-by-guilt – heart and soul. I have accepted as ratzon Hashem that each journey has plenty of things we know and (probably twice as many) things that we don’t. Only Hashem has that ability to see and know ALL, and so He yisborach, makes the judgment calls.
I am grateful for this because I think that I have become a more accepting and kinder person to others. (Strange how not judging myself so harshly has changed how I judge others, right?) I try to look at these children like I look at my own: my children may not be on the path I would have chosen, but Hashem has given them to me on this journey and I will show up for them every day, with all that I am, because that’s what He, yisborach, wants of me.
And I do not blame the people and mosdos around me as well: there is good in them, and they work hard to find and help each and every child as best they can. My child is on his journey; only Hashem can judge his steps and those of all of us around him.

I spoke to parents last night in Ashdod! A new initiative from Shuvu school system are opening Montessori inspired ganim! How awesome is that! Changing these children lifes one Montessori Moments at a time!