Effortless Parenting

Are you your child’s friend?


When I took a break from social media for most of last month, I pondered the question of worthiness.
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Are you worthy without any achievements?
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It took me weeks of journaling and diving within to come to a conclusion for the moment.
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What I am about to share goes back to my earliest childhood memories.
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For as long as I can remember I have been enjoying organising and creating systems & routines that work for me.
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In the picture below I am tidying away new wellies the moment after receiving this Christmas gift.
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This is not to brag or to give you the impression that I was the perfect 3-year-old.
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You’ve probably been observing tendencies in your own child (from a very young age) that may give you a clue what her or his strengths are.
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A close family member used to say that in creche and playschool, I was so busy arranging toys that by the time I was about to start playing - we were told to tidy up.
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Becoming a mum, I struggled with creative and imaginary play.
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Comparing myself to others growing, I often felt left behind.
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Whether that was due to:
? Neurodivergence
? Trauma
? Depth of processing or
? Being a different body type,
it may have all kinds of reasons…
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It resulted in me believing: I am neither playful nor creative.
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We observe everything from birth and decide (based on our own logic) what behaviour we will repeat to find a sense of belonging and significance with others.
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Over this last decade parents have been allowing me a front row seat.
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The greatest joy and relief are felt when a caregiver becomes aware of what drives their own reaction.
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It is never about a child misbehaving.
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The struggle comes from our mental images of what we believe how parenting should be instead.
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Years ago, freshly engaged, we spent time with friends who were parenting teenagers.
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I asked for advice and the couple recommended to treat your child as a friend.
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As a new mum, I was confused as to how to “discipline your friend”?
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Here is what I have been learning over the last 16 years.
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It is not to see a friend as someone whom I don’t have any boundaries with.
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It is to see the relationships with my daughter & son having a foundation rooted in respecting myself and respecting them so both might choose me as a trusted friend.
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I would love to hear what your thoughts are in the comments below or private message.
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Another way to look at this post’s heading would be to ask:
Would I make this comment to a friend?
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One lens to look at ourselves and our children rather than through psychopathology is the invitation to ask:
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What life skill might be missing in a child?
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I would like to leave you with another profound discovery a father whom I shared these skills with recently made.
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When we explored the interaction with his young daughter and how to respond differently, he commented:
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“I practise exactly what you are saying in my job. Why have not thought of this myself: to apply my skills at home?”
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(Confirming humanity: written by annett)

There has to be another way


Last week, I overcame one of my biggest fears.
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I gave a training to teachers at a Secondary School in Co. Waterford.
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Luckily, I had very little time to prepare and yet it felt like my whole life led me to this moment.
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When I say that standing in front of 25 educators felt intimidating, I am not even close to describing what it was really like.
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I was so thankful for the opportunity that for the first time gratitude cancelled out my nerves.
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Did you know that this was possible?
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Why am I sharing this with you?
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Chaos: Hope Is Buried Underneath
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With parents’ worry about their children’s future and doubts for their safety, I see so much hope in all the chaos.
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With my youngest child turning 13 in a few months, I am remembering my own teenage years more vividly now.
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Senior cycle in the 90’s, our arts teacher shared a project that showed the environmental threats with a clock as a bomb ticking at 5 to 12.
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Looking at this image, the doom and gloom left me feeling powerless.
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What I didn’t get as a 16-year-old was what I could contribute to the world NOT ENDING in 5 minutes.
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Spreading Fear Is Irresponsible
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I believe that spreading fear is not just irresponsible it also offers no solutions to what can be done instead.
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Becoming a parent, I knew that I didn’t want to raise an anxious people pleaser, a defiant rebel nor a spoilt brat.
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As many care-givers I said to myself:
There has to be another way!
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What can parents and teachers do to guide future adults who are:
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🌱 Responsible
🌱 Friendly
🌱 Happy
🌱 Confident
🌱 Articulate
🌱 Safe
🌱 Positive
🌱 Grounded
🌱 Polite
🌱 Grateful and
🌱 Respectful?

When it comes to current day challenges such as uncertainty, overstimulation, feeling excluded, socio-economic pressures, anxiety or mental health struggles our adolescents will definitely benefit from adults believing in them.
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Intuition Before Reaching for A.I.
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When the topic of A.I. comes up in daily conversation, I am convinced that we can support our young to find their own intuition first.
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I treat A.I. as an outside opinion that is allowed to get it wrong or not apply to everyone in every situation.
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My first born is turning 16 in a couple of months and she will finally have the choice to set up social media accounts on her phone.
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It has been a long journey with many ups and downs, forever more reassuring her and encouraging her so she felt capable and included.
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Social Media Age 16: Punishment vs. Protection
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My intention was very clear not to punish her but to protect her mental health.
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Is it possible to raise critical thinkers in an age where every answer is available at the click of a button?
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My experience and based on conversations with my children make me believe that the answer is: YES.
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The skill of asking questions and being open to listening to a young mind’s thoughts – that’s what grows confidence in believing and knowing their own self.
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Every child wants their parent to feel happy and how we live our lives matters so much more than we give ourselves credit for.
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Role modelling to my daughter and son that I am willing to take the risk and wanting to support teachers in creating calmer classrooms, they both cheer me on.
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Feel free to reflect and share an example where your child is observing you being courageous right now?
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I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below or message me privately.
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(Confirming humanity: written by annett)

🌱 Demand Avoidant vs Autonomy Seeking

Have you ever practised something different as a parent that someone suggested or you saw online?
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And it didn't work?
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Or it might have worked once but not the next time?
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You can't explain why sometimes your child co-operates and other times he or she avoids all your demands.
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The idea for my latest podcast came from a mum whose child was recently diagnosed with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder).
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What you will hear about is why every child (including neurodivergent) is seeking autonomy and how you can give power in a constructive way.
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What does making a demand sound like?
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How many commands does a preschooler receive a day?
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Finding that balance between parenting with boundaries, rules AND freedom can feel overwhelming.
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This short video podcast is not to make you feel worse but to encourage you to say less and accomplish more.
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Here is the why behind the strong-willed child's hidden reason why they resist and what you can do.
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Click here to listen to podcast: https://effortlessparenting.ie/

Stop Doing vs. Enjoy

What do you do when you want to stop doing something that no longer brings you joy?
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I found out that it is not enough to stop something, it needs replacing with what I can enjoy doing.
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In Positive Discipline we say:
✅ No blame
✅ No shame
✅ No pain
✅ No judgement
✅ No punishment
✅ No permissiveness
✅ No pampering (rescuing or fixing)
✅ No praise (or almost never)
✅ No punitive time-out
✅ No taking away privileges as punishment

That’s 10 No’s!
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The hardest part: you most likely know that the above parenting methods don’t lead to a child’s long-term co-operation and happiness.
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Private or in a group setting, nurturing adults are often aware of how they don’t want to feel as a parent.
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It always reminds me of shopping around for tiles over a decade ago.
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Exactly knowing the tile that would break my heart when it came to cleaning, I had no clue how or where to find the opposite.
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With the help and expertise of those who are around tiles all day, I found THE ONE 🤣 and could never “un-know” it.
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If you come across parenting challenges where you hear yourself repeating the same over and over, why not try something different?
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“The parenting training was great. I got fabulous ideas to adjust my way of engaging with my own child.”
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“I learned to be less demanding and see the situation from my child’s point and now feel much calmer.”
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“With Annett’s help I was able to listen to my child’s problem and find the ‘real’ issue.”
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Positive Discipline is allowing caregivers to practise real life scenarios.
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With over 50 parenting tools and skills to choose from, together with parents we’ve been finding solutions for the most difficult circumstances in current times.
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To experience and get a taster of this incredible approach where we mutually respect each other, explore this January offer which ends in 3 days.
Book here: https://calendly.com/effortlessparenting/free-effortless-call?back=1&month=2026-01
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(Confirming humanity: written by annett)

Pay What You Can

Want to feel less reactive, more respected and reassured as a parent - then my services are for you!

Do you want to improve the relationship with your child?

Do you wish you felt less:
🔥 argumentative
🔥 demanding
🔥 controlling
🔥 lenient
or simply less afraid about your child's future and embrace boundaries with love instead?

My services can be booked as the following packages:

🌱 Self-paced Parenting Training
🌱 Embracing Boundaries (1:1 Private)
🌱 Effortless Flow (Group Membership)
🌱 V.I.P. (Ideal for a Couple)

➡️ Click for more https://www.effortlessparenting.ie

In addition, this January 2026 book 1 single session (1h) with me.

Feel more capable, competent and confident about your family’s co-operation.

YOU ONLY PAY ME WHAT YOU CAN AFFORD.

Donation Based: I opened up limited space for you until the 31st January 2026.

You choose a time and date that suit you by clicking here:
https://calendly.com/effortlessparenting

In Discount Code add ‘JAN26’.

A link will follow to invite you to pay your fee which a calmer home is worth to you.

Virtual or In Person.

This phenomenal opportunity to create the calmer home you deserve is available right now, send me a DM for more.

Revenge & Retaliation: Break the Cycle

Have you ever set a boundary and felt punished for it by the other?

In this podcast you will hear about ways to respond instead of retaliating or making the other pay.

We are at a shift of longer putting children down when they make a mistake or lack a skill.

This episode also touches on:
🌱 Parenting on a limited budget
🌱 A co-parent earning more than you
🌱 Why hurt children hurt others

Click here to listen:
https://open.spotify.com/episode/6RA718Z4dZ5y3upRRWxnnM?si=1IK9wh1OQNWqGQNlE8HvOw

https://youtu.be/Ne9E6e3cdf8

Know Your Own Strength

What the last year has taught me was to not be afraid when life throws its difficulties.
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When the going gets tough I want to run.
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When I imagine what the future holds for my children, I sometimes get scared and worry if what I do now makes a difference or not?
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Being a parent means trial and erroring and figuring out what works and what doesn’t.
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Parenting Right Or Wrong?
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In my own experience, I want to get it right and constantly question what wrong and right are?
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When it comes to making a decision, I wish there was an authority outside of me that tells me what to do.
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Which is such a contradiction because at the same time when I am being told what to do, I often resist and reject the advice.
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Discovering a pattern such as this, I want to go deeper and explore what led to my questioning myself and yet not accepting others’ answers as ultimate truth?
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What I needed to see was that the answer lies in the golden middle.
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Your Unique Solutions
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Sharing my concerns and questions with someone, creates a space for my unique solutions to come through.
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Does unique mean special and better than others?
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No.
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It means that every parent’s individual circumstance has never been here before.
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Some might share similar challenges, such as:
🌪️ Separation
🌪️ (Medical) diagnosis
🌪️ Dealing with loss and grief
🌪️ Financial limitations or
🌪️ Overcoming addiction.
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However, we are often faced with new life scenarios the older our children grow.
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Parenting & AI?
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A father asked me recently what about parenting in the age of AI?
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I believe that my responsibility as a parent is to help my children know her and his inner strength first.
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What is so beautiful about our human experience is that you have come here to make your specific contribution.
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To share your journey and what you have learned to help others grow and connect with you for who you are.
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How Can You Accept Who You Are?
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I had the privilege of spending time with friends during this holiday season who helped bring me closer to who I am.
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During my early years in this body when making mistakes, I often received criticism.
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The caregiver who corrected me or tried to control my decisions probably wanted me to be and do better.
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Criticism Leads To Unworthiness?
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Here is what I have learned from this Adlerian parenting approach.
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As a young child I determined if I was good or bad, right or wrong based on others’ reaction to my behaviour and choices I made.
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It was not the adult’s fault to have an outburst after I broke something.
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It was my decision to believe that I am not worthy or good enough.
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How do we change a paradigm such as this?
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Loving The Imperfections
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As a mother and woman, I needed to experience to be loved and valued inclusive of my imperfections.
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This was the year where I allowed others to truly see me.
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Caregivers - particularly mothers - I have been guiding as a ‘parent encourager’ struggle most with how hard they are on themselves.
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Shifting their parental self-talk from beating themselves up for when they believe they get it wrong to feeling more neutral, less reactive and calmer – is a transformation and a gift.
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You Deserve A Calmer Home
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My services can be booked as the following packages:

🌱 Self-paced Parenting Training
🌱 Embracing Boundaries (1:1 Private)
🌱 Effortless Flow (Group Membership)
🌱 V.I.P. (Ideal for a Couple)

➡️ Click for more https://www.effortlessparenting.ie
🫧
In addition, this January 2026 you have an opportunity to book 1 single session (1h) with me.
🫧
To start your year feeling capable, competent and confident about your family’s co-operation – you only pay me what you can afford.
🫧
Donation Based: I opened up limited space for you until the 31st January 2026.
🫧
You choose a time and date that suit you by clicking here:
https://calendly.com/effortlessparenting/free-effortless-call?back=1&month=2026-01

In Discount Code add ‘JAN26’.
🫧
A link will follow to invite you to pay your fee which a calmer home is worth to you.
🫧
Virtual or In Person.
🫧
(Confirming humanity: written by annett)

Solutions for despair and hopelessness are offered in my latest video podcast.
What can a parent do when their child retreats to the bedroom and feels utter despair and hopelessness?
I was that teenager.
Hear about this most discouraged stage in a child's development and what he or she needs to overcome it and find courage.
Access Podcast here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4OGeWiVpQVUYuN9j7fQRN6?si=gMM_Y1dXRUa9DAfwtt4IeA

Sign up for '8 Effortless Screen Transitions': https://www.effortlessparenting.ie/

Receive a free guide of 8 scripts created with my parenting community based on real life scenarios.

Transitioning from screens to other activities will feel more effortless, reduce fighting and increase cooperation.

Including insights of this parenting approach and what your child learns longterm on how to use screens responsibly because you deserve a calmer home.