Behaviour and child Psychology

Take ownership of your children's well-being. This book will equip you with the tools to understand, cultivate, and raise beautiful children who will grow into outstanding adults.

Available at: https://www.amazon.com/Raising-Extraordinary-Children-Comprehensive-Evidence-Based/dp/B0F5J2Q7KV/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0

We have to stop feeding our children poison.

Lingers From Childhood Emotional Neglect.

A sense of being different from others in an unnamable way.
In the life of an adult, emotional neglect from childhood can feel like a cloud hanging over you, coloring your world gray.

But in a child's life, when emotional neglect is actively happening, it can feel like an ordinary, everyday experience.

I know this because I have talked with scores of people who grew up in emotionally neglectful households. I have listened as they describe what they struggle with today, and I have also heard them describe their childhoods.
What Is Childhood Emotional Neglect?
What exactly is childhood emotional neglect? It happens when your parents do not respond enough to your feelings as they raise you. So, in this way, childhood emotional neglect is actually an absence of response. It’s not an action that your parents commit, it’s something your parents (often unknowingly) omit. Childhood emotional neglect does not happen to the child, like abuse or trauma. Instead, it’s something that fails to happen for the child, like emotional awareness, emotional validation, and emotional discussion.

So what does emotional neglect look like in the life of a child? I often describe it as the background in the family picture. It flies under the radar to the outside observer, the family, and probably the child. It might look like absolutely nothing. How can you possibly know that something is missing if you are a child?

How can you know that your parents are supposed to:

Notice that you are feeling something.
Make an effort to identify what you are feeling.
Show interest and concern about your feelings.
Talk with you about your feelings.
When parents take these steps with their children, they teach their children how to notice when they feel something and identify what that feeling is. They teach the child to be interested and concerned about their feelings and how to talk about those feelings. So they teach their child vital life skills that set the child up to live an emotionally aware, emotionally enriched, emotionally connected life.

But, sadly, the opposite is also true. If your parents don’t notice, name, show interest in, or talk with you about your feelings, you don’t get that emotional training course that every child needs. And, in addition, an even more harmful thing occurs.

Growing up with your emotional life ignored teaches you to ignore your own emotions. This sets you up to disregard, minimize, or even be ashamed of one of the most authentic, helpful, grounding, connecting resources: your feelings. From working with hundreds of emotionally neglected people, I have seen firsthand the harm that comes from this.

The Effects of Childhood Emotional Neglect.

Adults who have learned in childhood to block, ignore or minimize their feelings encounter some particular challenges through their adulthoods, all of which can be addressed and changed.

Here are a few of the ones I have noticed and helped many clients overcome.

Deep discomfort or awkwardness with the expression of feelings from others or self which may apply to positive or negative feelings or both.
A chronic sense of emptiness or emotional numbness that comes and goes.
A secret belief that they are somehow inexplicably flawed.
A sense of being different from other people in some unnamable way.
A tendency toward guilt and shame.
Lack of understanding of feelings and how they work.

Even if seeing these traits is uncomfortable, there are answers. They can all be changed and there are some very important reasons to do so.

Why You Need Your Emotions.

Human beings are born with the ability to feel for a reason. Your feelings are the most deeply personal, biological expressions of who you are. Your feelings carry messages between your body and brain. They are your body’s way of telling you, for example, when you are losing something (grief), what to avoid (fear), and when to protect yourself (hurt or anger).

In the last ten years, the field of neuroscience has exploded with studies identifying the value and power of our emotions, and how we handle them, in shaping our happiness, wellness, and overall life choices.

For example, a 2019 study by Barlow et al. found that anger is linked to increased inflammation in the body, which is known to be associated with many chronic health problems like arthritis, heart disease, and even cancer.

Three Things You Can Do Now.

Rest assured, you have the power to change this. In fact, many emotionally neglected people have already taken the steps to become more emotionally aware, connected, and enriched.
You can begin by learning more about how childhood emotional neglect happens, how it affects you in adulthood, and how to heal its effects by following this blog or visiting my website for information and helpful resources.
The single, most powerful beginning step you can take is to make a concerted effort to pay attention to what you are feeling. Once you are regularly paying more attention, you are well-positioned to start learning the emotion skills you’ll need to manage and use them.

The more you learn about childhood emotional neglect, the better armed you are to start reversing it. When you understand what’s wrong you can become curious about your feelings instead of minimizing, avoiding, or rejecting them.

The process of overcoming emotional neglect boils down to giving yourself what your parents could not: emotional attention, validation, and care.

ADD ~ ADHD.

Attention deficit disorder (ADD) is now called Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) when it became clear there was a hyperactive component.

Despite the stereotype, people with ADHD can be hyper-focused but only focus attention on things of interest.

Dopamine is the neurotransmitter that underlies enjoyment and curiosity ,most ADHD pharmaceuticals are stimulants with a play on the dopamine system.

There’s a fine line between street drugs and therapeutics for ADHD: Ritalin is closely related to speed; Adderall closely resembles methamphetamine.

Non-pharmaceutical and behavioral treatments for ADHD may be used in combination with pharmaceuticals with the potential to wean off as possible.

While research for elimination diets has been controversial as a treatment for ADHD, it seems like avoiding simple sugars and exploring allergies to make informed food choices is worthwhile.

Newer studies point to the idea that smartphone use is inducing ADHD in adolescence if used more than 60 minutes per day, and approximately 120 minutes per day in adults.

What Is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)?

ADHD used to be called attention deficit disorder (ADD) but this was changed in the 1980s when it became clear there was a hyperactive component
ADHD has a strong genetic component – the probability of AHDH increases the closer in genetics you are related to someone with ADHD.

ADHD has nothing to do with intelligence
An estimated 1 in 10 children have ADHD , half will resolve with proper treatment, the other half will not.

There’s a question as to whether ADHD is increasing in adults or whether our lifestyles are creating pulls on our attention e.g., phone use, email, social media, etc.

Some markers of ADHD: trouble holding attention, high levels of impulsivity, often high levels of emotionality, challenges with time perception unless given a deadline with consequences, subpar spatial organization, working memory (ability to keep information at the ready to use).

Some people outgrow ADHD over time ..

Low dopamine hypothesis: dopamine levels are insufficient in people with ADHD which leads to unnecessary firing of neurons unrelated to the task at hand.

The low dopamine hypothesis could be why people with ADHD lean on recreational drugs or indulge in non-drug stimulants (i.e., coffee, ci******es) which increase dopamine in the brain that regulate attention.

Children with ADHD favor sugary foods; adults with ADHD favor stimulants – drug or non-drug.

Adults and children with ADHD have many more “attentional blinks” than those without ,there’s a tendency to be over-focused on one thing to the extent that you miss the things around it.

Attentional blinks occur more frequently as we age, with or without ADHD.

Distractibility in people with ADHD could exist because they are so hyper-focused on one thing, they miss other things.

Tips: (1) practice consciously dilating gaze to see more around you; (2) 17-minute mediation session can rewire internal circuitry; (3) blink eyes to reset perception of time, the rate of blinking is controlled by dopamine; (4) fidget spinner/toy.

Dopamine controls attention – blinking is controlled by dopamine – blinking can help you modulate perception of time – blinking and dopamine are inextricably linked and within your control.

Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) can increase dopamine and level of calm so induce a mellow focus; THC can also change the rate of eye blinking, but it reduces memory so you might focus better but can’t remember what you’re focusing on.

Traditional ADHD pharmaceuticals work by increasing levels of dopamine and norepinephrine.

It’s a fine line between thinking about drugs of abuse and drugs for the treatment.

Best treatments are likely to combine traditional drugs (i.e., Adderall) with behavioral tools to train circuits you are trying to enhance, then possibly tapering off drugs.

Omega-3 can positively modulate pathways for attention and focus.

Dose: above 300mg per day of DHA for attentional effects.

Phosphatidylserine at 200mg per day in children can support improvements in ADHD symptoms in combination with traditional drugs.

Modafinil or armodafinil: weak dopamine reuptake inhibitors.

Alpha-GPC: drugs that increase cholinergic or acetylcholine transmission will increase focus or cognition.

L-tyrosine: leads to an increase in dopamine and can improve focus but dosing is difficult to dial in.

PEA: dopamine stimulating supplement ,again, can be difficult to get the dose right.

Racetams: tap into the cholinergic system with high affinity and taps into increased cognitive capacity.

Transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS): a non-invasive tool that places magnetic stimulation to the brain to lower or increase activity in certain parts of the brain, but precision is not particularly fine .

People with ADHD are naturally drawn to sugary foods which increase dopamine and can induce some focus.

Elimination diets (oligoantigenic) have been studied in children with ADHD but have been controversial.

Potential things to avoid universally: avoid simple sugars, explore allergies to foods and avoid.

In adults: omega-3s (high in EPAs) have modest effects on improving focus but do allow the person to function better on lower doses of medicine.

EPAs don’t mediate attention and mood but modulate relationship with dopamine.

Join me for a dopamine fast this month, I'll be away for weeks.

Dopamine lies at the heart of all addictions.

We can increase dopamine through behaviors, with rapid and long-lasting results.

“Dopamine is a currency and it’s the way that you track pleasure, track success, track whether or not you are doing well or poorly.” – Dr. Andrew Huberman.

Experience of life and motivation or drive is relative to how much dopamine you have at any given moment.

The ability to experience motivation and pleasure next is dictated by how much motivation and pleasure you experienced in the past.

Learn to spike dopamine from effort itself, focusing only on the reward at the end of effort can undermine the process, making the process feel more painful and time feel longer.

Cold plunge (water temperature depends on cold adaptation) can increase dopamine levels 2.5x for longer periods of time, up to three hours post-exposure.

Levels Of Dopamine Increase By Activity,

When you ingest or do certain things, levels of dopamine will rise with varying levels of duration.

Chocolate will increase dopamine 1.5x above baseline.

S*x (pursuit and act) increase dopamine 2x above baseline.

Ni****ne (when smoked) increases dopamine 2.5x above baseline.

Co***ne increases dopamine 2.5x above baseline.

Amphetamine increases dopamine 10x above baseline.

Amphetamine and co***ne can limit dopamine, learning and plasticity over long period of time.

Exercise will be differential depending on how much you enjoy that exercise , if you enjoy, exercise will increase dopamine 2x above baseline.

There are subjective experiences that differentially increase dopamine depending on enjoyment versus things like chocolate, s*x, ni****ne, etc. which universally increase dopamine.

NEUROPLASTICITY SUPER-PROTOCOL~ FASTER AND BETTER LEARNING !
​

1. GET ALERT
We must be alert to trigger neuroplasticity (later, sleep completes the neuroplasticity/learning process). Getting alert involves many mechanisms but mainly the release of epinephrine (adrenaline) in the brain and body. One simple way to become more alert is 25-30 deep breaths (inhales through the nose, and exhales through the mouth). Then exhale your air and hold your breath with lungs empty for 15-60 seconds. Then inhale once and hold your breath. But don’t force the breath hold; start to breathe normally immediately once you feel the impulse to breathe. Whether you rely on caffeine or not (I certainly do in the early portion of the day), try this prior to a learning bout.

2. GET FOCUSED
Mental focus follows visual focus. To increase your level of focus on the task you are about to do, stare at a point on a wall or screen, or object for 30-60 seconds before starting (You can blink as needed). You’ll be surprised how this takes a bit of effort, that ‘effort’ you feel is "top-down" attentional engagement and reflects the activity of neural circuits involving acetylcholine release in the brain, and other mechanisms too of course. Then move into the task at hand. Expect your mental focus to flicker on and off, especially at the start of a work/learning bout. [Obviously, having your phone off and out of the room and web browsers closed or limited to essential tabs only (or even better, the internet turned off) can help.]

3. GENERATE REPETITIONS
Perform the maximum number of repetitions you safely can in a given learning bout. For some types of learning, "repetitions" will be actual repeats of something- learning scales of music, for instance. We progress linearly for other types of learning by repeating the same process, such as reading or doing math problems. Regardless, the same principle holds; work to repeat the process a bit faster than is reflexive for you. This helps the mind from drifting off task and naturally keeps you alert. Will you make errors? Of course, which leads to #4.

4. EXPECT & EMBRACE ERRORS
Provided they don’t comprise safety, errors during learning are terrific because they increase activation of the neural circuits that increase alertness. It makes sense, right? If you perform something correctly, why should your brain take notice? When we make errors, it feels "stressful," but that is just an increase in attention that puts us in a much better place to perform and execute learning-related behaviors the next trial—meaning on the next attempt. Computational modeling data suggests that an error rate of ~15% may be optimal and can help determine how difficult we should make a task. But don’t worry too much about those specifics. Instead, keep doing repetitions and when you mess up, capitalize on it by doing another attempt (and another) while your forebrain is in that maximally attentive state.

5. INSERT MICRO-REST INTERVALS (AT RANDOM)
This is a non-obvious way to increase repetitions and learn faster. Studies (in humans) have shown that when we are trying to learn something, if we pause every so often for 10seconds and do nothing during the pause, neurons in the hippocampus and cortex, areas of the brain involved in learning and memory, engage the same patterns of neural activity that occurred during the actual activity of reading, musical practice, skill training, etc. but 10X faster, meaning you get 10X neural repetitions completed during the pause. These "gap-effects" are similar to what happens in a deep sleep. The takeaway: randomly introduce 10 second pauses during learning. "How often?" I get asked. A ratio of approximately 1 pause per every 2 minutes of learning is good but remember, distributed at random, so not every 2 minutes on the minute.

6. USE RANDOM INTERMITTENT REWARD
The neural circuits that control rewards (all of which are brain chemical rewards, by the way) are closely tethered to the circuits that control motivation and the desire to pursue things, including learning. The question of how often to reward ourselves or others in order to keep motivation high is simple: make it random and intermittent. This is what casinos do to keep people gambling. It works. Predictable rewards lose their motivational impact quickly.

7. LIMIT LEARNING SESSIONS TO 90 MINUTES
Solid research shows that 90 minutes is about the longest period we can expect to maintain intense focus and effort toward learning. Shorter bouts are fine but after ~90 minutes, take a break (see #8). Also, space intense learning bouts 2-3 (or more) hours apart. Most people can’t do more than 270 minutes of intense learning bouts per day.

8. AFTER A LEARNING BOUT, DO A NSDR (NON-SLEEP DEEP REST) PROTOCOL
Two studies (on humans) published in the last 2 years show that shallow naps and/or NSDR can enhance the rate and depth of learning. This is an easy practice to incorporate. Within 1 hour of completing a learning bout, do a short NSDR protocol. You have options as to what NSDR you choose: Reveri is a zero-cost (research tested), self-hypnosis app, or take a brief 20 minute nap, or listen to an NSDR script such as Yoga Nidra (I like this 10 minute one and do it daily, or here is a longer 30 minute video that is excellent).

9. GET QUALITY & SUFFICIENTLY LONG DEEP SLEEP THAT NIGHT (& THE NEXT, & THE NEXT…)
The actual rewiring of neural circuits that underlies learning occurs during sleep and NSDR. Think of the learning bout as the "trigger" or stimulus for the possibility that we might learn, but sleep and NSDR are when the actual learning- the neural circuit rewiring, occurs.

Our goal should be to get sleep right at least 80% of the time, it takes some work to get there but it is well worth it. Huberman

The needs and desires you have for your children are not theirs, it's yours. Let them be who they should be.

Stop Living Your Dreams Through Your Children 🧒
When we become parents, many of us think the same thought:

“I want to give my children EVERYTHING I never had as a child.”

It could be wanting them to achieve what you couldn't...

Or it could be wanting them to be just as high achievers as you were.

But what if this type of parenting IS the cause of most issues parents have with their children?

www.brainmagics.com

A Simple Technique to Overcome Emotional trauma !

Going through emotional trauma or grief, both of which are being experienced by millions of people these days, can leave a lasting imprint on the brain and can cause a laundry list of symptoms. You may feel sad, unable to concentrate, edgy, anxious, or irritable, and may have trouble sleeping. Often, grief is mislabeled as depression, ADD/ADHD, panic disorder, or other psychiatric conditions. And post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which affects many people who experience trauma, is often misdiagnosed as a traumatic brain injury (TBI) because they have overlapping symptoms.

This is problematic because if you’re misdiagnosed, psychotropic medications can get in the way of healing and in some cases, can prolong grief and emotional trauma. If you experience lingering symptoms related to trauma or a loss, consider doing grief work before taking medication.

BREAK THE BONDS OF THE PAST

One of the most powerful “feel better fast” techniques to overcome emotional trauma or grief is called “breaking the bonds of the past.” It stems from the belief that negative feelings and behaviors are often based on past memories that are either toxic or misinterpreted. This technique requires only 5 simple steps.

Whenever you have a painful or disruptive memory or feeling, write out the answers to the following questions:

When was the last time you struggled, had the painful or disruptive memory or feeling, or felt suffering?

Write down the details.What were you feeling at the time?

Describe the predominant feeling.When was the first time you had that feeling?

In your mind, imagine yourself on a train going backward through time. Go back to the time when you first had the feeling.

Write down the incident or incidents in detail.Can you go back even further to a time when you had that original feeling?

Write down the details of the original incident.If you have a clear idea of the origins of the feelings, can you disconnect them by reprocessing them through an adult or parent mindset, or reframe them in light of new information?

Consciously disconnect the emotional bridge to the past with the idea that what happened in the past belongs in the past, and what happens now is what matters.

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Dopamine increase* above baseline
by substance/activity:
Chocolate 55%
Ni****ne 100%
S*x 100%
Co***ne 225%
Amphetamine 1000%
Adderall 1000%
*This scales with addictive potential & amount of decreased pleasure to other
substances/activities. Learn more: www.brainmagics.com