23/11/2020
Would you like to see an example of an 8 in grade 9 IB writing?
This is one of the stories we helped our student work on which required marrying Science and English Literature. It received an 8 in all rubric standards and has been selected for a year end book to be published and sent out to all parents. Well-done Lucy!
Chapter 1)
“Take her please, name 2804, Dr. Baek.”
The man brought over the baby, covered by a cashmere white baby blanket, he carefully lowered his surgical mask and froze when he glimpsed the newborn child’s face.
“Her genetics are not correct, she has a blue eye, The Perfect Future Committee has decided she is x-perfu”, said the Perfutor.
“One only, this can be fixed I promise,” said Dr.Baek, squeezing the corner of the blanket into a knot. His legs shook, teeth chattered, it was uncommon for him - the doctor of perfection.
“Dr. Baek, It’s the decision from the PFC, you of all people should understand their position?”
“Yes. I mean, I can change it, the other genetics in her is perfect, isn’t it? Why don’t you give her a chance, I…”
“Dr. Baek”, enough, said the Perfutor. “I wonder, since when did you start talking so much? Yes, we can fix her, like the one before her. 2803 for example, but if we choose not to, there is a reason. Stay quiet, it will be more painful for 2804 if she wakes in the middle of the cleanmony”.
After this brief exchange, the Perfutor left, leaving the man behind by himself with the baby.
Dr. Baek walked slowly and heavily to the end of the hallway. A sign on the door in front of him reads “white room’ in a deceptively whimsical bold curley text. The door handle seemed so far away from him.
“I gotta do this, I gotta do this…”, Dr. Baek let his arm fall down and he gently held the handle, and tightly shut his eyes.
“Yiyiya...a”, he felt someone touch his cheek, he opened his eyes, it was the baby smiling gloriously up at him.
Solemnly , he looked down at the baby, he looked at her blue eye.
It’s beautiful, just like the color of the sky that only appears in the vintage pictures taken before the “Great Clean”. He used his finger to tickle her, softly he said: “DNA imperfection, it’s not your fault my daughter, my dear. You are gifted. Imperfectly “.
Mr.Baek took a deep breath, covered the baby’s ears with the blanket, and hugged her with his left arm. A quick glance up to the devices, where every Perfuzen had its own identity information recorded here. “My daughter doesn’t belong here.” He stared at the monitor, with his brown eyes.
“She needs a name.” He reached for the little known disabling switches.“Open, shut it, close it, wipe the fingerprints”. He turned around immediately. One step, two steps…
He covered the baby’s ears, gently. “It’s okay, I’m taking you with me, my dear.”
The lights shut down one by one as the circuits jumped and exploded behind the man’s shadow. Followed by sirens and flashing red lights, the man still maintained his speed, hugging the baby like a father. Yes, he became a father from the moment he chose to hold her hand and look into her blue eye.
Chapter 2)
The air conditioners were working over time. The sun was scorching hot in the middle of what was supposed to be winter. While this made The Republic of Perfuclean on par with the rest of the world, Chanyeol was still not used to it. She still remembered celebrating Christmas with barbeques in the winter and now it was too hot, so hot that the PFC issued intermittent warnings to stay indoors. Although, the environment outside of the Republic was rumoured to be completely contaminated by pollution and in some part, even radiation.
“Dear all Perfuzens, try to stay indoors if you are feeling cold or dizzy, and especially if you experience impaired vision suddenly. For any emergencies, please call your local government number”. The woman's voice from the loudspeaker fills up the hallway drowning out the loud whir of the air filtration system.
Sighing, Chaneyol walked up to the door marked “Intelligence” and briskly walked in. “So, here is Dr.Chanyeol” said the commanders.
Chaneyol looked around the vast room, seated with faces she was familiar with, some faces she did not know. She walked straight to the empty chair to join the groups, most of whom were significantly older than she was.
“I guess, we are all here, we don’t have time for social niceties” noted the deep voice of a director.
“Dr.Chanyeol, as the lead and public face on this project, what is the status on the existing CRISPR technology and implementation?” Is 2.4 ready to roll out to our selected population?
There had been some mutations which we could not account for. Districts 1 through 3 had been stable for years with few defects in new births. Of course, CRISPR has enabled us to take care of any physical anomalies. However, we have seen an uptick in impaired vision in our primary districts and 2.3 technology has not been able to solve these new mutations. We have also seen increasing numbers of blue eyes born in districts 4 to 12, thus the cleanmony numbers have been high and there are outbreaks of protests in these areas.
“And what of 2.4 technology doctor?”
Chanyeol paused, “CRISPR 2.4, is an updated version of our earliest genetic editing tool. This technology is no longer limited to only edit and take away DNA that is flawed. In our tests, genetics can now be mapped, cut and inserted rather freely, working together to build the ideal genetics for our clients. 2.4 has been tested with different animals, including mice, rabbits, monkeys and chimpanzees. We are looking forward to starting the first CRISR 2.4 human trials. This technology can then be available to those who qualify.”
There was a moment of silence, a man took off his hat, standing up from the twelfth state of audience seats. He speaks up, “And what is the possibility of 2.4 being available to all citizens?”
“Dad?” Chanyeol froze, looking at the man’s face. He is being serious, she realizes.
A few members cough uncomfortably.
Chanyeol quickly adjusted herself from the shock, amidst a few late chuckles from her fellow state directors. She replied. “We might, I mean we could auction the new technology as we have previously? I believe 2.0 brought in quite a lot of capital for us.
With respect, Mr. Baek, “Is it really necessary to waste it on the middle and lower classes?” They should be satisfied with CRISPR 1.2”. The blank faces around the table, begin whispering among themselves.
Later that evening, Chanyeol is exhausted. As she contemplates the day, there are three short knocks at her door and she knows who it is. She waves her hand in front of the door and it opens up to the yellow light from the lamps in her garden. He walks in slowly, sits on the launch and quietly says: “You will regret whatever you said today to the directors. My dear, I have tried so hard to protect you”
Chanyeol walks towards him, pours him a cup of tea and says: “Dad, I love you so much and I know how wonderful you are. But, I’m safe, always, what do you mean protect me?”
Mr. Baek looked into her eyes, just like he had since she was a child. “Listen, you are gifted, but imperfectly my dear.”
Chapter 3)
“In a surprise press conference today, Dr. Chanyeol of District one announced that CRISPR 2.4 will be available to all citizens starting next week. It is unclear whether District one has signed off on this as there were “no comments” by them when contacted by PFC News”.
“Click, click, click”, Chanyeol’s high heels echo eerily throughout the long hallway. Chanyeol, gently holds her father’s arm as they walk to the main chamber where the directors await them.
The door opens, and as suspected, white faces with intense brown eyes look at the two solitary figures blankly. “CRISPR 2.4 will now be available to every Perfuzen as of now. Gentleman, it is time for change and equality”, says Chanyeol.
“I want everyone to be equal, no matter their DNA, class, wealth, power or even the color of their eyes, hair and skin. Every citizen has the right to be healthy and free of disease, not only those who can afford it.” Not to mention the mutations occuring, it is not sustainable to create a population of one physical standard.
She looks into a vast space of silence.
“My technology is wasted on you.”
Several big arms reach out behind Chanyol and she is enveloped by shadowed and immobile faces. Her father in a sudden burst of strength reaches for her and gasps “ Leave...Go to the New Land, where the sky is blue.”
Mr. Baek takes his last breath, and his heart gives up on him, and the last Chanyol sees of him is his lifeless body as the arms drag him away.
Three months later amidst public outrage and protests, Chanyeol is quietly released, broken and all alone.
Chapter 4)
One step, two steps. Chanyeol forged on, she walked non-stop out of the Republic Into the boundless land, where few had stepped before her. The air was dry and dusty and she shivered even as lights flashing strongly behind her enveloped her in a warm glow.
She walked for days and eventually reached what looked like an old world town. All around her she noted that there were all kinds of people, no one looked like a Perfucian from prime districts. Everyone looked hungry and drawn with their pain etched on their faces. No one even glanced at her in her dark second hand hoody. She wandered aimlessly and cautiously looking for the port she had read about. She jostled with the small ragtag crowd and murmured when her turn came up, “New Land, New Land, one ticket”. She holds the piece of paper, written in bold red print, “New land”. It was at one time called “New Zealand”, cackled an old woman eyeing her ticket enviously.
Four days on the small boat, Chanyeol enjoyed seeing the sun rise every morning from the ocean. She was careful to not miss the sunrise, she began to feel some optimism about the New Land. It would be as safe and beautiful as the Republic of Perfuclean had been, but no one would know her, and she could have a new start.
The rickety boat docked, as she walked across the plank attached to the port, she was a little wobbly from the trip. The sky was blue and promising, just as her father had said. She felt a rough push from her left side. A tall man wearing a crisp clean uniform with the most startling blue eyes yelled at her to “get in line”. Terrified, she got behind a fellow beleaguered passenger and took in her surroundings. It was beautiful here, even more so than the Republic. A small crowd gathered to point and murmur at the little group coming off the boat in a zigzag line. As Chanyeol scanned the crowd, it sunk in that everyone here had the same startling blue eyes.
The End
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