Enough was enough. My daughter had whipped off to Uni and that’s when it hit me…
Who am I? What is the point of me? I’ve been a mum for 20 years, and this had become my sole purpose in life. And in a switch, it dawned on me. I had been stuck in the ‘mum’ rut, with drinking wine as my only hobby and that every plan I made would revolve around the opportunity for a large glass of New Zealand Sauvignon (or I’ll take whatever crappy wine they have on offer!). I would cancel plans (or not make any) if it involved me needing to drive, ‘I can’t afford a taxi, all that valuable wine money spent on just getting to and from a place. Just stay home and you can afford to drink more. I’ll do that. That is far more sensible.’
It was embarrassing at new jobs, or where you are a willing participant in group training sessions, and then the circle of doom kicks off where you would have to take it in turns to introduce yourself and say something interesting about yourself. I would cringe at every step closer it got to being my turn. ‘What would I say?’, ‘what are my hobbies? What is interesting about me?’
The circle of doom would be closing in on me, heat rising through every fibre of my being. Anxiety ridden. I couldn’t exactly answer ‘well, my fun fact is that in the last 20 years I have probably spent over £100k on alcohol… boom!’ while being left hanging with my high five hand in the air and no doubt 20 shocked faces all staring at me, not knowing what to say or do next. I wasn’t convinced that was quite the answer the trainer at the front of the room was looking for. I soon realised that my interesting fact would generally be my daughters interesting fact, the fact she was at University, or was able to speak several languages. Because I had none of my own. I feel quite sad when I think about it. So zero interests or hobbies, coupled with the realisation that I have no real purpose in life… it was time to take long hard look at myself and my life. What I have just realised is that frightening calculation above, the amount I have likely spent on alcohol over the last 20 years could have bought me a house. I’m just going to let that sink in for a moment….
8 months later after a whole load of self-care, an abundance of self-love, re-investing wine tokens into self-development and training as a life coach, pending NLP Practitioner and Hypnotherapist, I want to help others in the same place that I was, in transforming into a life they no longer feel the need to escape from. This is where Sober AF was born and my journey into helping others begins.
