23/03/2024
❤️
I want to start this post by telling you that I understand how you feel. I have been both the young child being told their mother has cancer and also the mother having to tell her children that she has cancer. Neither are conversations I would ever wish to repeat. My heart goes out to anybody needing to have these conversations. I will also say though, that while they are unbearably hard conversations to have, things will get easier. Children can be remarkably understanding and resiliant and while today it may not feel like you will ever smile, or have fun together as a family again, you will. I promise.
First up - always be honest (definitely use the word cancer and explain it’s a catch all term for many diseases, so there is a huge variation between different types). It can be tempting to shield children from what is happening, but they will pick up on your moods, hushed words, unexpected hugs, appointment letters, the dreaded 'number withheld' phonecalls and most importantly, they will formulate a partial picture in their minds and this picture can often be catastrophic. Tell them the truth, even if their questions are hard to answer.
When should you tell them? That's up to you, personally I feel waiting until you have the full picture (e.g all scan and biopsy results), including a treatment plan in place, is the best. This means you can answer all of their questions and help them to understand a timeline of what will happen and when.
How shoud you tell them? If you have more than one child, make sure you tell them at the same time, sit the whole family down together. Tailor your language to suit their age and utilise books, pamphlets, diagrams and videos to help. Talk about the surgery (if you're having any) and treatments and show pictures of these too if they'd like to see. Talk about how you may be grumpier and more stressed and angry than normal, but make sure they understand any snappiness is not about them.
Try to keep their routine as normal as possible if you can. This normality in their everyday lives can be really helpful.
Offer for them to speak to a therapist/counsellor or a charity if they feel they would like to speak to somebody outside of the family. Your local hospice can help here too (even if it is early stage cancer).
Finally, find yourself some support. As a cancer patient it is common to put everybody's needs and feelings first. You need somebody to offload to. There are many wonderful charities who can help here (including Maggies, Mummies Star and MacMillan, as well as charities specific to your type of cancer).
Please do post your tips in the comments if you have any to add.
Much love to anyone in this position.
31/12/2023
We have done this every year since 2015, we keep them altogether so that we can see how we have all changed ❤️
Happy New Year 🥳
🎨 Reflect on the year gone by with our free printable year in review coloring page! Perfect for kids and kids at heart, it's a creative way to celebrate and reminisce about the highlights of the year. 🎨📅✨ https://www.skiptomylou.org/2015-year-in-review-printable/?utm_campaign=meetedgar&utm_medium=social&utm_source=meetedgar.com
30/12/2023
I can’t recommend TinyTalk Warrington, Newton and Lymm (baby signing and toddler talking) more highly! Check out their page for all the latest classes.
SO WHAT IS TINYTALK?!
We are all about …
• Baby signing, newborn communication and toddler talking.
• Speech development, fine motor skills and sensory play.
• Parenting, new friends and we’re not going to lie, we are A LOT about the cuppas and biscuits as well ☺️
The Spring Term starts next week Tuesday 2nd January 2024. Come and join us 💜
17/05/2023
This is something I hear all the time. Hormones aren’t to blame. Great explanation by Sarah Ockwell-Smith
A little excerpt from my book BETWEEN all about the myth that hormones are responsible for pretty much all behaviour the minute children turn into tweens:
When I had my first baby, a boy, in 2002 almost all tricky behaviour that occurred after toddlerhood was blamed on hormones.
When he was four years old, I was told his boisterous and sometimes difficult behaviour was caused by a ‘testosterone surge’, yet there is no evidence to support the existence of such a thing.
When he turned eight years old, again I was told that his behaviour was “all due to a rush of hormones”. I frequently see and hear comments like these in parenting discussion groups and forums.
The general consensus seems to be that boys are swimming in a sea of testosterone as soon as they are out of nappies, which makes them behave erratically, rudely and aggressively and girls receive an avalanche of oestrogen somewhere around their seventh birthday, which turns them into stroppy, sulky, stubborn creatures.
Neither of these beliefs are correct.
Hormones can and do influence behaviour, however the impact is insignificant compared to the impact of the developing brain.
If we must look to something to blame for behaviour in the tween years (although laying blame is not something I advocate), it must be the remodeling of their brains.
Understanding some basic neuroscience is incredibly freeing when you are a parent to tweens.
Check out my free webinar for a little more on this and my book BETWEEN for pretty much everything you could want to know about raising an 8-13yr old.
09/09/2022
❤️
What a sad day. No matter how you feel about the monarchy; today a family lost their much loved matriarch and many around the world will be mourning the loss of a strong woman who was a constant in turbulent times.
The following days could prove unsettling to children. There will be a sense of collective grief amongst those in the UK (and commonwealth), television and radio programmes will change, there will be constant sombre music and talk of death and funerals. All of this coming at a time of societal change and with children starting or returning to school.
What's the best way to handle this with children? I'm a firm believer in not shielding children from death. I don't think we do them justice in trying to protect them from it. If we don't talk to them about it somebody else will; such as a a friend in the school playground, or they will overhear a conversation. When somebody dies, whether in our close family or someone who played an important role in our life - like the Queen, we should take time to sit and explain to our children what has happened, using simple, child friendly language. Avoid using ambiguous terms such as "passed away", "went to heaven" (conversations about religious and spiritual beliefs can happen later), or "gone to sleep", instead be clear that the Queen has died; actively use the term death.
It's natural for children to ask questions, try to answer them as honestly and accurately as possible, however uncomfortable or inappropriate they may feel to you. It's also natural for them to worry about you, or others close to them dying, here try to reassure them, but again be honest. It is always good to have a few children's books to hand which can help you to explain death to younger children. Children may like to process their feelings and remember the Queen by drawing pictures, or writing about her (this is akin to us as adults writing in a book of condolence).
If you're upset at the news (or it has triggered past grief in you), don't feel that you have to hide your emotions, again it's good for children to see us grieving. Similarly, it is more than appropriate for children to be allowed to watch the funeral on television if they - or you - would like to.
Much love to everyone today, it's going to be a strange, sad and discombobulating period for many (in times that are already tricky).
Image credit: Joel Rouse/ Ministry of DefenceDerivative: nagualdesign - defenceimagery.mod.uk, OGL 3, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=65165563
17/07/2022
End-of-term-itis!
Yes, it’s a thing. A post I always share at this time of the year.
Over the last few years I’ve noticed how different children (and young people) are in the last week of a school year. Endoftermitis is a very common condition for children and staff (I should probably throw in parents too - especially those who have children leaving primary school - that’s me!).
Children are aware of impending change; a long break to look forward to (or not), the anticipation of a new school year, new class teacher or even a new school.
There is so much much going on too; end of year performances, celebrations and transition days. Throw this crazy heat into the mix and it’s a lot for our children to deal with, particularly our more sensitive ones.
The excitement, exhaustion (heat) and the uncertainty can cause some of our children to behave differently.
Some of our children are beyond tired (emotionally and physically). This may cause them to get angry, frustrated or upset much quicker than they normally would. They may be over emotional; fed up, crying at the slightest thing, find it hard to sleep, and they might need more of you.
They might want more hugs, more reassurance, more calm. Take time to plan some peaceful moments for your child (and yourself).
Go gently with them. ❤️
10/06/2022
Dad Matters UK
Wigan Dads!! (Or any dads who can travel to Wigan?)
There's a new session for dads planned for this weekend at Haigh Hall hosted by Dad Matters (see their socials for details!) Dad Matters UK
Dan will welcome all dads, partners, supporters, dad figures, grandads of all kinds! And he’s lovely too.
05/06/2022
You may have seen the recent Which report where they bought a number of cheap carriers and then tested them for safety. It really was quite an alarming read.
I often tell people the fact that baby carriers don't (legally) have to be tested for safety (car seats do). As far as I am aware there also no obligation to provide clear instructions either with a carrier.
The slings and carriers in the library are picked carefully, I do the hard work so you don't need to. All the ones int he library are safe to use (and we can guide you on how to find one to buy that is also safe) and their instructions clear (plus we also teach you).
We know money can be tight for a lot of people, making those cheap baby carriers very tempting, it's why we offer free advice on our carriers or yours, and why we keep our hire as low cost as we can. We want to try to remove as many barriers as possible to you carying using a safe, comfortable baby carrier.
Rachael
13/05/2022
This one got me this morning…
Beautiful from Hollie Poetry
09/07/2023
01/06/2023
17/05/2023
09/09/2022
17/07/2022
10/06/2022
05/06/2022
13/05/2022