Helen Hoyte - Somatic Psychotherapist & Neurodivergent Specialist

The Science of Hypermobility & ADHD [online] Discover how hypermobility impacts ADHD and why recognising these daily challenges is the first step to real support. Followed by Q&A.

Yes it does!

Science is finally beginning to reflect a truth that many women with ADHD have long known: Perimenopause begins earlier and exacts a greater toll on neurodivergent women.

https://www.additudemag.com/perimenopausal-symptoms-women-adhd/

Sometimes I think one of the most important decisions a counsellor ever makes is who they choose as a supervisor.

Not just someone to oversee the work.
But someone who helps you feel safe enough to actually think.

Safe enough to say:
“I don’t know what’s happening here.”
“I think this client is masking.”
“I think I’m masking.”
“I feel stuck.”
“I’m worried I’m getting this wrong.”

Especially when working with neurodivergent clients, where the work often asks us to move beyond rigid ideas of what therapy is “supposed” to look like.

Because sometimes a shutdown is mistaken for resistance.
Sometimes compliance is actually fawning.
Sometimes “lack of engagement” is overwhelm, sensory exhaustion, or years of masking.

And if we don’t have reflective spaces where we can safely explore that complexity… we can end up becoming more performative than present.

As both a counselling tutor and supervisor, I care deeply about creating spaces where people can learn without shame.
Where you are allowed to be thoughtful, uncertain, human, reflective.

My approach is warm, relational, trauma-informed, and neurodivergent-aware.
I care about the nervous system in the room — yours as much as your clients’.

I don’t believe good supervision is about proving how much you know.
I think it’s about helping people feel safe enough to stay connected to themselves while doing deeply emotional work.

Because when supervisees feel regulated enough to think clearly and compassionately…
their clients often feel that too. 🌿

There’s something really beautiful about creating spaces that feel safe, calm, and human.

Over the last few years, my work has continued to evolve into something much deeper than simply “talking therapy.”

My practice brings together counselling, coaching, supervision, somatic and embodied practices, emotional regulation, nervous-system awareness, and neurodivergent-affirming support — all within a compassionate, trauma-informed approach.

Softness. Safety. Growth. Authenticity.
A space where people don’t have to mask, perform, or have everything figured out.

The butterfly felt important too — not as a symbol of “fixing” yourself, but of transformation, unfolding, and becoming more fully who you already are.

✨ Counselling
✨ Coaching
✨ Supervision
✨ Somatic & Embodied Practices
✨ Trauma-Informed Support
✨ Neurodivergent Inclusive Specialist

🌿 Online & In-Person
🌿 www.helenhoyte.co.uk

“You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to be ready.”

Couldn't agree more

🌌 Stages of ADHD Realisation
Realising you have ADHD as an adult isn’t one neat “aha!” moment — it’s a slow unfolding. A process of peeling back the layers and beginning to see yourself through a kinder, more accurate lens.
For many of us (myself included), it’s a journey that brings both relief and grief — a kind of emotional unravelling as we begin to meet parts of ourselves we didn’t fully understand before.
This process isn’t linear. You might take a few steps forward, then circle back. You might uncover new layers of shame, embarrassment, or frustration — but those moments often become openings for greater self-compassion and healing. Each realisation deepens your understanding and softens the way you see yourself.
Here are some of the stages people often move through (sometimes more than once) when recognising their ADHD:
🌪 1. The Confusion Stage
It often begins with frustration and self-blame.
You notice patterns — struggling to focus, losing things, running late (again), or feeling like your emotions are always a bit too much. You might wonder why everything feels harder for you than it seems to be for others.
At this point, many of us label ourselves as “lazy,” “inconsistent,” or “too sensitive,” not realising that our brains have simply been wired differently all along.
💡 2. The Discovery Stage
Then comes that spark of curiosity — a video, a post, or a conversation that hits a little too close to home.
Suddenly, ADHD starts making sense of decades’ worth of confusion: the hyperfocus, the chaos, the overwhelm, the creative bursts followed by burnout.
You start connecting dots, and for the first time, you feel a wave of recognition — maybe even hope.
🧩 3. The Recognition Stage
This is when the pieces really start falling into place.
You begin to notice how ADHD touches every corner of your life — from relationships to work, from self-esteem to energy levels. Childhood memories start to take on new meaning.
It’s a bittersweet stage: relief at finally having an explanation, and sadness for all the years you spent thinking it was just you.
💬 4. The Acceptance Stage
Acceptance doesn’t mean you’ve “got it all figured out” — it means you stop fighting your brain.
You begin to see that structure, reminders, and movement aren’t weaknesses — they’re supports. You understand that your brain thrives with systems, creativity, and flexibility.
You start offering yourself the grace you’ve always given others — and maybe even begin to like the parts of yourself you used to hide.
🌱 5. The Growth Stage
Eventually, you start building a life that fits you.
You learn what helps you thrive, what drains you, and what brings out your unique strengths — like empathy, creativity, and deep curiosity.
You stop trying to be “less ADHD” and instead begin to live with intention, on your own terms.
💛 In the End
The ADHD realisation journey isn’t about fixing yourself — it’s about understanding yourself.
It’s about turning self-criticism into self-compassion, and confusion into clarity.
You were never broken. You were just trying to navigate a world that wasn’t built for your kind of mind.
💬 Which stage of ADHD realisation do you relate to most right now?

We’re often told that success comes from consistency.
Show up every day. Keep going. Stick with it.
But for people with ADHD, consistency can feel impossible — no matter how hard you try.
It’s not a lack of motivation, discipline, or willpower.
It’s the impact of living with a brain that struggles to regulate focus, energy, and emotion.
Until your ADHD is well-managed and properly supported, consistency will always feel just out of reach — and with it, the success you’re working so hard for.
The truth is: consistency isn’t the starting point for success when you have ADHD.
It’s the result of understanding your brain, building the right strategies, and creating systems that actually work for you.
When ADHD is managed effectively, success stops feeling like a constant chase — and starts becoming something sustainable. 💛

ADHD is not a moral failure.
It’s a nervous system pattern.
For years, many adults with ADHD were told:
• “You just need to try harder.”
• “You’re inconsistent.”
• “You lack discipline.”
• “You’re too sensitive.”
What if none of that was true?
ADHD isn’t about intelligence.
It isn’t about character.
It isn’t about willpower.
It’s about regulation.
It’s about:
• Dopamine variability
• Interest-based attention
• Nervous system sensitivity
• Emotional intensity
• Rejection sensitivity
• Capacity fluctuations
When your brain is interest-driven, motivation doesn’t switch on because something is important.
It switches on because something is stimulating, urgent, novel or meaningful.
That isn’t laziness.
That’s wiring.
Understanding ADHD through a nervous system lens changes everything.
Instead of asking:
“Why can’t I just do it?”
We begin asking:
“What would make this task neurologically accessible?”
That’s where empowerment begins.
Not with shame.
But with understanding.
This is the work we care deeply about at The Cog & The Cosmos.
Curious minds.
Real conversations.
Practical tools.
—
If this feels familiar, you’re not broken.
You may simply be wired differently.
🌌 Helen & Chris
The Cog & The Cosmos

What is Cog & The Cosmos?
Cog & The Cosmos is a space for exploring the mind, identity, and human experience.
Human beings are complex.
We think.
We feel.
We react.
We build stories about who we are and how the world works.
But most of us rarely pause to examine those stories.
At Cog & The Cosmos, Helen and Chris explore the questions that sit beneath everyday life:
• Why do we think the way we do?
• How does identity develop?
• What shapes our emotional responses?
• Why do certain experiences change us?
Both of us live with ADHD, which has given us a deep interest in how attention, emotion and the nervous system work.
But this project is about something bigger than ADHD.
It’s about curiosity.
Curiosity about the mind.
Curiosity about behaviour.
Curiosity about what it means to be human.
Through posts, conversations, workshops and our upcoming podcast, we’ll explore psychology, identity and the lived experience of navigating the world as thinking, feeling human beings.
If you enjoy asking thoughtful questions about life, the mind and human behaviour, you’re in the right place.
🌌 Helen & Chris
The Cog & The Cosmos