The Better Man Project

Last night I had the privilege of attending “Man up? Understanding the male mind” talk from Dr Rebecca Owens, Jon Rees & Dr Mark Ord.

It was a fascinating insight into how human evolution has played its part in the current male mental health crisis we see today.

I left seeing so clearly some of the issues that the men I have worked with face and the roots of the evolutionary wiring that are at the roots of these issues.

How men are essentially getting to a crossroad and being told to turn left and right at the same time.

How we can better deal with men’s biological evolutionary developmental needs without just labelling it all as “toxic” and bad by approaching it in a healthier way.

How we can also look at developing the modern model of masculinity that doesn’t just cater to the ‘old’ model of masculinity.

I was really proud to represent The Better Man Project as well as be an ambassador for A Game of 2 Halves and the Foundation of Light.

Work to be done. Better roll our sleeves up.

Yeah your Christmas was great, but was it “I got a tshirt in honour of my hamster” great?

Why as a man do you become avoidant? What creates this default within us?

I have been asked this question in some form a fair bit so I thought it would be a good idea to answer it here.

The avoidant man is often created in one of the following:

Childhood experience - perhaps you answered a question and got it wrong, or were bullied.
The expectations of masculinity - “Boys don’t cry, the hero that goes it alone, you don’t want to stand out”
Culture - when someone asks if you’re alright, you are expected to usually say “yeah fine”
Past relationships - You may have been hurt or even abandoned by your main caregiver

There are more but can you see how the model of avoiding vulnerability is slowly being created how that fear of showing anyone who we are is being created?

Often blokes can read this and think “oh, he wants men to sit around and cry” and no that is the other extreme here, this is about being totally comfortable and confident in who you are.

Bravery is being vulnerable and doing it anyway, being ok with the risk that putting yourself out there brings.

If you looked at your life today, where are you using avoidance to keep yourself safe?

Cheers
Phil

This hit me hard.

Are you an avoidant man right now? It isn’t always as obvious as you think.

Until I learned deeper into it I would’ve said my avoidance problem was pretty obvious, I would withdraw in difficult conversations, I would avoid stressful things and people and I would even avoid things I knew were good for me a lot of the time.

However there was more, the definition of the avoidant man is someone who struggles to connect emotionally (to himself or others) or handle vulnerable situations often due to fears of rejection or intimacy.

When I learned this I worried I may be an avoidant addict.

I could safely say I was in no way connected to myself and I didn't really know what that meant and my fear of rejection was sewn into every stitch of me, it was driving my overconfident, loud “look at me” persona. I mean if they see me acting the fool, they will think I'm confident and keep their distance right?

When I worked on this, I realised how deeply disconnected I was from life. You know when something good happens and you don’t feel it? A client recently described as being on a train you can't get off and life is flying by you.

If you are feeling this way, drop me a message and let’s see what we can do.

For today, ask yourself this question:

“In what area of my life am I avoiding responsibility right now?”

So are you avoiding doing consistent easy tasks that build towards something? Are you avoiding important conversations? Are you avoiding being kind to yourself?

You can start working today to stop being an avoidant man.

For me, I was avoiding writing about this topic.

Yet here we are.

Cheers
Phil

P.S I was also avoiding attaching this picture of me as a massive cow for Halloween.

Many men think power comes from aggression, control, or dominance. But true power doesn’t come from how much noise you make—it comes from the peace you carry inside.

I really believe aggression and dominance can have its usefulness but it is about creating a balance and understanding when and when not to use them. This balance can be found in peace and reflection.

Here’s how peace leads to power:

- Peace builds resilience: When you’re at peace, stress and challenges don’t shake you as much. You can stay calm under pressure, making you a stronger leader.
- Peace gives you focus: Without inner chaos, you can think clearly, strategise, and make better decisions. This is where real power lies—having control over your mind and emotions.
- Peace attracts respect: People follow those who are calm, collected, and confident. When you lead from a place of peace, you naturally inspire respect and loyalty.

Please understand, that this isn't as black and white as peace or war, but rather understanding there is peace and war and knowing when to use each.

It is better to be a warrior in a garden, than a gardener in a war.

If you’re tired of leading with stress and want to discover the true strength of peace, book a free strategy call with me. I’ll show you how peace can transform your leadership and your life.

Cheers
Phil

Bringing peace into your daily life isn’t just about meditation or relaxation techniques (though those can help). It’s about creating a lifestyle where calm and clarity become part of who you are.

I wrote a whole book about slowing down and I still to this day believe it is the foundation of a life well lived.

Here are 4 ways to start finding peace every day:

Morning routine reset: Begin your day with intention. Whether it's journaling, meditating, or simply having a moment of silence, a peaceful morning sets the tone for the day.
Set boundaries: Peace requires space. Set boundaries at work and home to protect your energy and time.
Breathe before reacting: Whenever you feel tension rising, take 3 deep breaths before responding. This small action can prevent unnecessary conflict and keep you grounded. I like to use my breath work as preparation for mediation.
Practice gratitude: Every night, write down three things you’re grateful for. Gratitude shifts your focus from stress to abundance.

I would add as a bonus 5th, let go of the idea of having to be perfect or even that there is a "right way" to do things, it is about sitting and being with what IS, even the intrusive thoughts and distractions, they are ok, in fact, find acceptance and peace with them is huge, There is no right, only right now.

Which of these steps can you start today? Let me know how it goes!

Cheers
Phil

When was the last time you felt truly at peace?

In a world that tells men to keep pushing, working, and grinding, the idea of inner peace can feel like a luxury. But it’s not. It’s actually essential for becoming the best version of yourself.

Here’s why finding peace changes everything:

Better decision-making: When your mind is calm, you make choices based on clarity, not chaos.

Improved relationships: Peace allows you to show up fully for your partner and kids without bringing stress home.

Stronger leadership: A man who leads with peace is respected—not because he’s loud or forceful, but because his confidence speaks for itself.

Here’s a challenge: Take 5 minutes today to sit in silence and reflect on where you need more peace in your life.

Ready to dive deeper? Let’s chat about how my coaching can help you find peace and power.

Cheers
Phil

Feeling uncertain in life doesn’t mean you’re weak or unprepared—it means you’re at a crossroads. (Like Blazin squad or Bon Jovi depending on your age)

Many men find themselves in this position at some point, unsure of their next steps in their relationships, careers, or even their identity as men. But instead of viewing uncertainty as a dead end, what if you saw it as a chance to lead with power?

Here’s how to shift from uncertainty to power:

1. Take back control: Start by identifying one area of life you feel lost in. Whether it’s your relationship, career, or health, focus on small actions to regain clarity.
2. Develop a new mindset: Uncertainty isn’t the enemy—it’s a sign you’re ready to grow. Embrace it as an opportunity to become the man you’re meant to be.
3. Create structure: Lack of structure fuels uncertainty. Begin setting clear, actionable goals and work toward them daily, even if it’s small steps.
4. Seek guidance: Often, we can’t navigate uncertainty alone. Finding support from a coach or mentor can help guide you out of the fog and onto a clear path.

Uncertainty is the precursor to real growth. It’s an invitation to lead your life with purpose and direction. If you’re ready to take that path, book a free strategy call with me. I have limited spots open this month. Don’t let uncertainty hold you back.

Cheers
Phil

When you're stuck in uncertainty, it can feel like you’re wandering without a map.

You’re unsure whether you’re in the right relationship, career, or even if you’re on the right life path. But how do you know for sure?

Here are 5 signs you’re trapped in uncertainty:

- Constant self-doubt: You second-guess every decision, even the small ones.
- No clear goals: You’re working hard, but you’re not sure what you’re working toward.
- Indecision rules: You avoid making big decisions, fearing the consequences.
- Lack of enthusiasm: Life feels routine, with little to no excitement about the future.
- Isolation: You withdraw from others because you don’t want to admit you’re unsure about your life.

If these sound familiar, it’s time to make a shift. Breaking free starts with recognising you’re not alone in this feeling. Let’s talk about how you can step into certainty and lead with power.

Cheers
Phil

Have you ever felt lost—like no matter what you do, nothing feels certain anymore?

This feeling of uncertainty hits many men at some point, whether it's in relationships, careers, or personal goals. It's as if you’re on autopilot, not knowing where you're heading, and that sense of confusion can be overwhelming.

But here’s the thing: Uncertainty isn’t something to fear—it’s something to explore.

Here are 3 mindset shifts to embrace uncertainty and take back control of your life:

1. Uncertainty means possibility: Instead of seeing it as a void, see it as a canvas for creating something new.
2. It’s normal to question your path: This doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re growing and adapting.
3. Lead with curiosity, not fear: Rather than trying to control everything, be curious about what this uncertainty could lead to.

Feeling stuck in this cycle? Reach out. Let’s talk about how you can move from uncertainty to power. All it takes is a shift of thought.

Cheers
Phil