Ominous Ainsley Sightings

Transylvania 16:26 local time.
The light is fading fast.
Battery low.
Couscous stock depleting.
Must take shelter.

12:43am in the pristine goblin lands of Hellier, Kentucky. Please drive safely.

POLITE NOTICE

Please do not rumpy-pumpy in the hot tub. Ainsley reserves the sole right to rumpy pumpy on bnb grounds. Also we are not insured for it.

Thank you.

PLEASE TAKE CARE when navigating the jungles on AirBNB grounds. They are not what they seem.

LIMITED TIME OFFER
Hot tub available this weekend at the Ainsley airbnb.*



*Heating not available between the hours of 2:29AM-2:21AM. Ainsley may or may not join during hours of heating. Ainsley reserves the right to beat his meat. Offer subject to terms and conditions.

Here Ainsley shows guests the deluxe suite.

GUEST NOTICE
Please be careful when using the stairs. We have already had two accidents and the spine-readjustor is currently out of service.
Thank you.

ATTENTION PLEASE Ainsley has just opened an AirBnB near Stoke-on-Trent. Lovely gothic mansion ready for occupancy. Each room comes with its own bat nest, desiccated coffin and stash of used needles. Enquire below for details.*

*roofing and central heating subject to availability.

THIS IS NOT A TEST.

This photo was taken at 3:33AM in your bedroom early tomorrow morning.
You have eight hours.
Good luck.

There's a reason there were no more Indiana Jones films.
This was taken during his final adventure.

In the ruins, no one can hear you scream.