Elm & Bloom

Elm & Bloom 💚Support after infertility & unsuccessful IVF
💚Thrive beyond infertility
💚Childless not by choice
💚Life Coach
💚Find joy again
💚Yoga Teacher

When you start thinking about having a family, your friends might be trying to do the same and as time passes, you'll fi...
21/07/2025

When you start thinking about having a family, your friends might be trying to do the same and as time passes, you'll find comfort in friends who are still waiting to get pregnant. They offer support, and you share the highs and lows, making you feel less lonely in your journey.

As time goes by, your circle of friends who are trying to conceive will likely become smaller. These friends, who understand what you're going through, continue to offer kindness, good advice, and genuine empathy.

But I remember the day one of my closest TTC (trying to conceive) friends told me she was pregnant. Fortunately, I was wearing sunglasses because I felt the heat of tears come as my heart sank. I wasn’t prepared for the complete mix of emotions. I was over the moon for her, but in that moment, I felt somehow betrayed, left out, even more isolated and alone than I had been before. My friend was uncomfortable delivering the news and I understood they felt relieved not to be part of the infertility group anymore, which left me feeling "left on the shelf."

The sharing of such news is difficult to navigate and my advice for you is, if you have a friend who shares your infertility struggles, maybe openly discuss what you would do when/if either of you became pregnant. Ask how each of you would like to learn this information. An in-person meet-up is best so words of comfort or a hug can be shared. Care and compassion for both people is key – for the person in the nervous early days of a pregnancy, as well as the person who remains childless. Also recognise that maybe the friendship will need to take some time to evolve as your paths go in different directions for a while.

If you need support along your infertility journey, especially if it ends without the success you were hoping know that you are not alone, I am here for you. Check out my website, or email to find out how we can work together.

[email protected]

You do not need to feel guilty💚Often when we make changes in our lives, and when we are on a healing journey, there can ...
17/07/2025

You do not need to feel guilty💚

Often when we make changes in our lives, and when we are on a healing journey, there can be a lot of guilt attached, but you do not need to feel guilty for these things.😘

You are entitled to protect your peace.💚

If you need guidance and support with protecting your peace, I can absolutely help you. Drop me an email to discuss [email protected]

I stand with you.💚Infertility and unsuccessful IVF is a tough journey and you don’t have to face it alone. I am here for...
15/07/2025

I stand with you.💚

Infertility and unsuccessful IVF is a tough journey and you don’t have to face it alone. I am here for you, I stand with you.

If you are struggling right now and not sure what’s next or where to turn, drop me an email and let’s have a chat.

[email protected]

What happens to the 80-90% of women where IVF wasn’t successful?As someone who has experienced unsuccessful IVF myself, ...
09/07/2025

What happens to the 80-90% of women where IVF wasn’t successful?

As someone who has experienced unsuccessful IVF myself, I’m always interested in stats. I recently came across a stat that revealed the success rate for IVF treatments for a woman aged 40-42 is 10-20% per IVF cycle!

That means a huge 80-90% for whom treatment is unsuccessful!

And of course this statistic decreases with age. Although IVF and other options such as egg donation, can increase chances, there are still many people who are ending fertility treatments without becoming pregnant. What happens to all these stories?

My own experience felt like falling off a cliff when my treatment failed. I remember a consultant kindly trying to offer crumbs of comfort by telling me a natural pregnancy might occur after IVF due to reduced pressure and anxiety, and I know someone who experienced this, but for many others, they do not have the same outcome.

If this is you, and you are one of the 80-90%, know that you are not alone. If you’re finding life tough as you navigate life beyond infertility, you can find support with me.

This month I’m busy beavering away behind the scenes, planning some exciting new workshops and events online and in person that might be just what you need. You can stay up to date with these by signing up to my mailing list and I promise not to bombard you.
https://www.elmandbloom.co.uk/contact

I was at a networking event recently and I’m always happy to my experiences of infertility and unsuccessful IVF treatmen...
04/07/2025

I was at a networking event recently and I’m always happy to my experiences of infertility and unsuccessful IVF treatments, especially as it’s part of the work I do now, however it really frustrates me when I get someone who tells me of someone they knew who took a particular supplement or oil, or tried a certain lifestyle and then became pregnant. I’m delighted for them, but what part of my story do they not hear?!

Despite every book I read, every doctor and consultant I saw, every holistic treatment I engaged in, every yoga session I went on, and every round of IVF I endured, it just wasn’t my story to become a parent, and I have made peace with this.

When someone shares their experience of being childless not by choice, please listen with compassion rather than rushing in with what you think is helpful advice. You don't know their story or the efforts they've made to become pregnant, and they probably have tried the solution you’re offering. There are no magic solutions to becoming a parent, and sensitivity is crucial. Respect their journey and understand that you are not an expert in their situation. They deserve empathy, not solutions. They don’t need fixing.

If you have found yourself childfree, or childless not by choice and you would like to mark that chapter of your life, or need help in looking into how you move forward down a different path, I am here to help. I’d love to chat, pop me an email [email protected]

Feeling anxious about summer get togethers?I get it, July is all about sunny days, longer evenings, and perfect weather!...
02/07/2025

Feeling anxious about summer get togethers?

I get it, July is all about sunny days, longer evenings, and perfect weather! It’s the time for get-togethers with family and friends. Recently, I had a fantastic day with some lovely friends under the summer sun! However, when conversation turned to their children's lives, I sometimes feel like an outsider as I don’t have children.

My friends are supportive and so sensitive to my experiences, but I still feel like an outsider when the topic shifts to school or children’s milestones and if you have found yourself childless or childfree and not by choice, I bet you find yourself in these situations too.

Navigating these moments can be challenging, so acknowledging your feelings is essential. Even if you have accepted being child-free, you might still feel isolated without a family to talk about.

At the gathering with friends, I was aware I didn’t have the family drama some of them were describing. One friend was frazzled from their week of parenting, and I was thankful my week had been peaceful by comparison. Pausing in the moment and recognising this calm felt a relief to me.

I realise I offered a different life perspective to the conversation, and gave balance to the chat. I didn’t wait to be prompted and actively engaged in discussions about children without feeling like changing the subject or becoming silent. Rather than feeling disconnected and isolated by being child free, I felt valued, seen, and heard.

So my tip? Find lightness when listening to others and their experiences of parenthood, and keep an open mind. Go easy on yourself for any emotions that might arise in the moment and share your own experiences. This way, you’ll enjoy your summertime get-togethers rather than feel anxious about them.

If you finding yourself becoming anxious or overwhelmed by summer get togethers, I can offer support and guidance and help you move forward during these difficult times, pop me an email to discuss [email protected]

As I browse my social media, I encounter numerous heartfelt stories about the struggles and pain associated with inferti...
26/06/2025

As I browse my social media, I encounter numerous heartfelt stories about the struggles and pain associated with infertility. I can relate, as I have navigated the challenging journey of infertility, which ultimately did not result in the family

I had longed to nurture. Initially, this period of my life was all-consuming and devastating. As those around me continued to become parents, I felt an acute sense of being different and disconnected.

It seemed as though my infertility defined my identity.

During that time, comments such as "it will be you soon" or "do you have children?" were natural, but often difficult to hear.

A few years have passed since I tried to conceive. Nowadays, questions about whether I have children are seldom asked. As my friends' and family's children grow older, the differences in our lives seem less pronounced. I've not let being childless define me. It's easy to feel like an outsider, but hard to escape that unwanted place.

A recent comment I read suggested life experiences can either define you or gently shape you. Early on, when IVF failed, the pain was intense, but even in the darkest of moments, I realised I didn't want this experience to define me. It took time to discover my new identity and understand how to embrace the freedoms and opportunities of being childfree.

I can now acknowledge that it has shaped my life, even dare I say, positively. New opportunities have opened up that might not have existed if I had children. I've enjoyed exploring life and seizing opportunities. Yes, there are challenges and moments when my childlessness feels more acute, but it doesn’t define me.

If you're dealing with infertility, please know that your life does not need to be defined by this experience. If you're unsure how to move forward, please reach out. I’d love to support you in the next chapter of your life.

I’m sure at some point you have experienced grief, when you get to a certain age, most of us have. 😘 Whether it’s a pet,...
24/06/2025

I’m sure at some point you have experienced grief, when you get to a certain age, most of us have. 😘

Whether it’s a pet, an elderly family member, or someone else. The feeling of grief and how you experience it is going to be different for you than for others, it is unique.

When you experience failed IVF and infertility, it is also a form of grief and has it’s many challenges. You are grieving the life you will never have and all that comes with that. 💚

My experience of this was a long, tough, emotional and turbulent one, in which after many years of trying, I had to come to the conclusion that being a mother was not going to be in my future and that my journey would lead me elsewhere. It was a tough pill to swallow, however after time, learning and healing, I am now at peace with my journey and have found joy and fulfilment down a different path, although at one point I wasn’t sure I’d ever get there. 😐

This is why I have developed my healing programme, to work with women who have experienced failed IVF and infertility and find themselves leading a life they hadn’t planned for and aren’t sure how to start healing, or how to take those next steps in life. I help them on their journey and to help them thrive beyond infertility and find true joy in life.

If this resonates with you, no matter how far in your journey you are, I’d love to hear from you, please do drop into my DMs. 😊

I have previously found counselling incredibly supportive, especially when going through IVF.😊So, when chatting to a fri...
16/06/2025

I have previously found counselling incredibly supportive, especially when going through IVF.😊

So, when chatting to a friend, I was taken aback when she suggested maybe I needed to consider a different type of therapy to get to the bottom of my infertility. 😳

I know the suggestion was well-intentioned, but the comment threw me. This friend knew my journey of self-discovery and all that it entailed, so this comment made me question for a brief moment whether there was still something that I hadn’t uncovered, and it would give me the golden answer.🧐

If you have experienced infertility, you may be aware of the feelings of inadequacy and self-blame, it’s really tough.💚

Long ago, I came to accept that my infertility wasn’t because I am somehow broken and damaged! I believe that it wasn’t my story to become a parent and over time, I have made peace with this.

LET ME BE CLEAR

If you are experiencing any feelings of inadequacy and a sense that you are lacking or broken, take a pause and give yourself some tender self-compassion. Remember that your infertility is not your fault, and you don’t need fixing to be able to thrive in life. You are not broken.😘

If you need support to help move beyond your infertility and are seeking someone who has trod a similar path, then Elm and Bloom are here to help. Please reach out here or via my website.🌿💚

The worst part isn’t waiting to see if it’s been successful or not, to see if you are finally pregnant, it’s the cousin ...
12/06/2025

The worst part isn’t waiting to see if it’s been successful or not, to see if you are finally pregnant, it’s the cousin asking when are you going to have kids, it’s the family gathering with everyones children, it’s going shopping and seeing all the reminders that you aren’t a mother, it’s the feeling of anger and disappointment when you see another pregnancy announcement, it’s the doctors saying they don’t have the answers, it’s the feeling of loneliness in a crowded room, it’s the feeling your body has failed you. 💚💔

Next time you are chatting to a woman, don’t directly go to the subject of family, as you don’t know what pain lies beneath.

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Romsey

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