Educating Poole

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Beth C Tutoring Experienced and qualified primary teacher.
I offer 1:1 and small group tutoring sessions in Southbourne.
All sessions are fun, interactive and personalised to meet the needs of every child and boost their confidence.

👉The second edition of my ebook - Understanding PDA for Kids & Grown Ups - is available at a discounted rate of ⭐️£2.99⭐️ until the end of PDA Day!

The paperback version of my book is currently selling for ⭐️£8.89⭐️ instead of £9.99!

Reviews on Amazon are so gratefully received.

Please like and share this post if you would like to be entered into a competition to win a free paperback copy of my book.

Paperback - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Understanding-PDA-Kids-Grown-Ups/dp/B0C87DFHQ1/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&%3Bqid=1687775676&%3Bsr=8-1&_encoding=UTF8&tag=ndlepnc83-21&linkCode=ur2&linkId=f6ad42d83bb75ced32f2d3999610a37a&camp=1634&creative=6738 (If you purchase through this link, Amazon will give me a very small commission as well).

Ebook (Second Edition) - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Understanding-PDA-Kids-Grown-Second-ebook/dp/B0C87S6BTR/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=OPHS0DIAST1L&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.vRCPwWxvksmJzGEpaVw5mJbx_h49LO4c0YCI0Baz1bA.YQWS09G1KC12ljCgQ54tn1Y4IKyzvpqlzi_INxNyMlI&dib_tag=se&keywords=understanding+pda+second+edition+ebook&qid=1705158963&sprefix=understanding+pda+second+editikn+ebook%2Caps%2C62&sr=8-1

Thanks,

Stacey

Understanding PDA: For Kids & Grown Ups 'Understanding PDA: For Kids & Grown Ups' is a book about Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), from the perspective of a little boy called Ethan. Ethan shares his personal experiences with PDA, and how it affects his ability to handle certain demands and expectations. The book offers valuable ins...

Nformed Consulting

Understanding PDA: For Kids & Grown Ups 'Understanding PDA: For Kids & Grown Ups' is a book about Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), from the perspective of a little boy called Ethan. Ethan shares his personal experiences with PDA, and how it affects his ability to handle certain demands and expectations. The book offers valuable ins...

I am sometimes conscious of coming across as negative about professionals because I know so many try their best, or are working on out of date ideas and stereotypes as they haven’t had access to training… that they so sorely want and need.

However, as a teacher, I have to admit that I didn’t wait for my schools to train me… I always conducted my own research based on the different needs I indentified in my classrooms.

I wasn’t a perfect teacher… I didn’t know everything and I certainly didn’t always get everything right…

But I strived to always learn, grow and be the best teacher I could be for my children.

I was never led by my ego, and although some truths were hard to take at times… the best interests of my children were always my priority.

I find a lot of professionals don’t possess this, and in my experience this is prevalent in the education sector, including specialist.

I have advised or supported parents to correspond with schools regarding their children’s needs, and so often, the response has not been what I expected at all.

The attitudes they’ve possessed have often been very defensive and they have perceived any questioning of their practice as a threat to their authority.

Many have pedalled out of date ideas and practice… and just won’t listen to parents. In fact, parent blaming culture is rife.

I then experienced this when my own children attended specialist settings.

Some members of staff are very forward thinking and really want to get things right for their children, but again, some seem to dislike the threat to their authority and ‘titles’.

I can’t tell you how many times my input was negated because I worked in mainstream schools rather than specialist settings (despite having extensive experience of SEND)… I was constantly told that ‘as highly skilled specialists’, they already knew it all… but they didn’t.

They failed to identify triggers, they didn’t understand or believe in masking, they were reactive rather than proactive, they used restraint very quickly as opposed to being a last resort, and despite being told exactly what the child in question needed in terms of accommodations… they did not prepare for that child, and ultimately, when the child failed… the child was blamed and punished.

The issue is… when I come across ‘professionals’ who clearly don’t have understanding of the children they are supporting at a basic level… I cannot stay silent.

I have no choice but to engage in uncomfortable conversations and advocate for my children and everybody like them.

As an example, when I find children are having food withheld, are being placed in time out (despite the fact that autistic children for example, often don’t make connections between cause and consequence - making the action not only wrong but ineffective), or are being faced towards walls as punishment… I have no choice but to raise my concerns.

But I am then seen as being difficult or trying to assert my authority.

The self proclaimed ‘highly skilled specialist staff’ (who often lack training or possess very out of date training), see nothing wrong with what they are doing…because it’s what they’ve always done.

But this is a huge part of the problem. This poor practice is perpetuated and passed down to new members of staff, in monkey see, monkey do fashion.

And it’s sad that people like myself, who possess a lot of knowledge and experience, as parents, teachers and neurodivergent individuals… are dismissed.

I try to think how I would have responded, if I had encountered a parent like me, and I can fully understand how it might have been intimidating… and embarrassing at times…

But ultimately, it would have propelled me into working with the parent and conducting my own research to explore the ideas they proposed in more detail. And I hope I would have identified just how much value they had to offer.

So I just can’t understand any teacher, especially those who work with SEND, who doesn’t feel the same way.

The attitudes I consistently come across are low expectations of children and an assumption that they don’t understand anything. Those who cannot speak are so vulnerable, and this is too often taken advantage of.

Practitioners are still using puzzle pieces, lighting it up blue and using person first language. Every individual should get to choose how they wish to identify, but by default, we should be taking the lead from the actually autistic community.

When my children’s specialist setting invited parents to share their experiences about autism for autism acceptance week, fronted by an image containing the puzzle piece… I was a little bit passionate and (over)shared rather a lot.

Initially, it was assumed that my contributions were ‘my personal opinions or experiences’ and I was told that ‘many people like person first language’ by one of the teachers. I know from a family member who worked in a specialist setting for decades that person first language was felt to be kinder, as it separated individuals from their conditions…

But many of the autistic community have reclaimed the diagnosis and prefer identity first language, as autism impacts the way we think, feel and experience the world. Again, not everybody feels this way… but so many of us do… and that should be respected.

I explained that I was sharing perspectives from my involvement and interactions with the wider neurodivergent community, and was eventually told that my feedback was appreciated or valued.

I don’t say things to actively challenge or undermine people, but I am passionate about ensuring that the neurodivergent children of today grow up in a world that accepts, understands and accommodates them.

It’s the very least they deserve.

We all hope they will grow with less trauma than many of us late diagnosed neurodivergents experienced.

And if these ‘specialists’ are dismissing autistic adults like myself… how can we trust them with our children’s social, emotional and mental health? Let alone their cognitive development.

A friend of mine said, “It’s almost as though they want our opinions, unless they conflict with theirs.”

If you are a ‘professional’ or someone who proudly refers to yourself as a ‘specialist’ or ‘expert’ in any way… then I ask you to please really dig deep and reflect on what these words and titles mean… and whether they are truly earned.

How are you developing yourself? Are you up to date? Are you doing the best for the children and families in your care? Are you listening to the autistic community and involving them in the work you do?

And please, reach out to people like myself if you wish to explore this further.

We need to work together, not against one another.

I know there are many practitioners who do not welcome my feedback (or feedback from others like me), and I urge them to reflect on why.

It can be uncomfortable to be told hard truths… and to question everything you thought you knew…

But this isn’t about you. Or me.

I really hope people can see I am not aimlessly trying to offend or be rude… but these things need to be addressed.

And I’ll admit, I have spoken to anyone who will listen to my pleas for better training in schools… starting with specialist settings…

Because often they are responsible for providing outreach to mainstream schools… and at the moment, I don’t trust that many of them are really skilled enough to do so.

Sunshine Support Nformed Consulting

Oooh who can relate?

Why does it always come back to the 'parenting course'???

One thing about my son...he often has his head in a book... 😂

A small example of what I’ve been making for the children. They are Minecraft and Disney Cars mad!

I was going to make downloadable resources, but many of the images I’ve used state they can be used for personal use only.