06/01/2025
Apologizing can be a good thing—a sign that a child is empathetic and has strong social skills. But saying you’re sorry too much can backfire. Starting a statement by saying, “Sorry, but… ” or “I might be wrong, but …” may feel like being polite, but it undermines what's about to said.
Helping your daughter drop unnecessary apologies and begin using clear, direct language will give her a powerful tool for success in the future.
Here's how parents help girls learn to speak more confidently:
Set an example
Tune into your own linguistic habits. Girls who hear parents-especially moms-over-apologizing or using hedging language are likely to pick up the habit themselves.
Examples of common hedges include:
• "Excuse me, can I ask..."
• " might be wrong, but
• "I don't know, but..."
Praise directness
Instead of overprizing politeness, help your daughter focus on being direct first, and polite second. Using clear language demonstrates confidence and makes it more likely her point will be heard. For example, compare the following responses:
• Direct response: "I know how to do this, would you like me to show you?"
• Indirect response: "Sorry, I'm not really an expert, but maybe I can help?"
Disagreement is key
It can feel scary to commit to a statement that others might not like, but learning to be comfortable with disagreement and debate will make her more resilient and give her a healthy toolkit for managing adversity in the future.
Keep apologies real
Of course, not all apologies are unnecessary, but it's important to know the difference between situations that call for a real, heartfelt apology and times when she's just saying sorry out of habit. For example, if she has a question during a presentation in class there's no reason to begin her statement with "I'm sorry, can I ask a question?"
Read the full article:
https://childmind.org/article/why-girls-apologize-too-much/