21/05/2025
Sounds about right…!🙈😂
https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1LrPjZVd9Z/?mibextid=wwXIfr
‼️ HELP WANTED: Daddy Pig Seeks Childminder — Must Accept 3,042 Hours of "FREE" Funding
Local father Daddy Pig has announced he is on the hunt for a childminder for Baby Evie, citing a desperate need for “just a few hours of peace and quiet to fix the roof, tidy the garden, and locate my dignity.”
However, sources confirm Daddy Pig has several minor requirements:
🍼 Must accept all 15, 30, and now possibly 97 free government-funded hours.
🧼 Must not charge for consumables like wipes, snacks, glitter, or oxygen.
🧾 Must be Ofsted registered, DBS checked, EYFS Compliant, First Aid Trained, A Michelin Star Certified Chef, Allergy-Aware, Forest-school Certified, Qualified Swimming Coach, Fluent in both Makaton and Latin and preferably available for £0.00 per hour.
In a statement outside his moderately chaotic hilltop home, Daddy Pig said:
“I just don’t understand why it’s called ‘free’ if they want me to pay for snacks and nappy bags and... their time?”
Peppa was unavailable for comment, as she was busy enrolling Evie into an elite puddle-jumping academy, and George has locked himself in a cupboard with a dinosaur.
Local childminders are reportedly thrilled at the opportunity to offer a place to the Pig family — just as soon as Daddy Pig understands that “FREE” funding is actually just “slightly reimbursed chaos with paperwork attached”.
Applications are open. Please submit your EY2 form, three references, a blood sample, and a signed agreement to be cheerful at 7:45am.
Submit your forms @ www.crhut.co.uk
