26/07/2026
The unspoken reality of school avoidance: When “Dragging Them In” stops being an option. What can you do?
I spoke to another lovely parent today whose young child is really struggling to attend school.
She said, “I literally have to drag her in.”
There is no judgement here. Many of us have been in that position (including me): physically getting our children dressed, carrying them to the car, and taking them into the school building while they’re screaming and having to be prised off us by staff.
I was even once told to “bring him in in his pyjamas.”
That physical strategy might work for a short while when they are little and in primary school. We can scoop them up, carry them in and leave them there. But the most significant attendance difficulties often emerge during the transition to secondary school, particularly in Years 7 and 8.
Suddenly, they aren’t small anymore. They’re 5ft 6in, weigh as much as an adult, and physically forcing them into school is no longer possible. The illusion of parental control disappears. Trying to force attendance can create serious safety risks too and can damage the relationship between parent and child.
I hear about children who are so desperate that they undo their seatbelts, try to get out of moving cars, vomit through overwhelming anxiety, or attempt to grab the wheel to stop the car. This is not “bad behaviour.” This is a child in significant distress.
Some parents will say, “I have no choice. I have to work, and I hate doing it.”
I totally get it. Not every parent is able to keep their child at home. Many families are trapped between their child’s distress, relentless attendance pressures, work, and the need to keep a roof over their heads. It’s so bloody unfair.
For those parents who are in a position to keep them home , it’s okay to draw a line and stop using physical force
It is perfectly reasonable to say to the school:
“I will no longer use physical force to get my child into school. It is no longer safe or appropriate. We need to understand the barriers to attendance and put the right support in place.”
For the parents who genuinely don’t have another option, you also deserve support too. You should not be left to carry this alone, and your child’s distress should never be treated as something you’re simply expected to overcome at the school gate.
Steps you can take right now:
• Speak to your GP. Children struggling to attend school often experience very real physical symptoms of anxiety, including insomnia, nausea, headaches, migraines, stomach pain, panic attacks and, for some, self-harm. Having these difficulties documented medically can be incredibly important in future. They may write you a letter or refer elsewhere.
• Ask for external support. Request referrals where appropriate, gather evidence, and consider applying for an Education, Health and Care (EHC) needs assessment if your child may have unmet special educational needs.
• Know your rights. If you’re told, “We can’t help them unless they’re in school,” remember that you have the legal right to request an EHC needs assessment yourself. Your child’s attendance record can form part of the evidence demonstrating that their needs require further investigation.
A child who cannot attend school needs their barriers carefully unpicked so that the underlying reasons can be understood and the right support put in place. The goal isn’t simply to improve attendance it’s to make attendance possible.
And finally, for many families, the summer holidays bring six weeks without the daily battle. Take a deep breath. Rest where you can. You made it through.
If you’re navigating this exhausting journey right now and need support, please know you’re not alone. Feel free to reach out.
Sending so much love to every family in the thick of it because it’s bloody horrible # # #
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