Well Ahead Coaching

17/06/2021

Honoured & delighted to spend today & tomorrow having conversations with one of my favourite people about some of my favourite topics.

16/09/2020

I love the honesty of these photos! I see so many things here. Just a few that jump out to me:
- A good reminder that we don't need to spend time and energy judging how we ourselves or how others are balancing commitments.
- To focus on what is important is powerful.
- Just one lens will never do the entire scene justice.

Thank you to SciMoms everywhere who are standing up for science!

(Here's Dr. Goldman's full interview: https://blog.ucsusa.org/gretchen-goldman/what-i-told-cnn-a-climate-denier-shouldnt-be-leading-at-noaa)

04/08/2020

I really relate to this summary. Anyone else? Prioritising, kicking things out of the Cup of Commitments, looking after the basics and being able to say, "I don't have any more Capacity" have been keeping me afloat. This is a useful visual of the invisible things taking up all the capacity.

Why do I still feel so stressed and exhausted?

Imagine a dystopian world where we have to be hyper vigilant at all times because of a greater general level of threat and risk. Where at short notice, our world and life has to be unpredictably overhauled to manage that risk. Where uncertainty about what might happen next is the norm.

Of course we don’t have to imagine this... we just need to remember the last few months and think about what’s happening now.

We’ve been running at higher general threat levels for a long time time now. Our capacity has been running at full with all the uncertainty, unpredictability, change and stressors we’ve been dealing with and that’s on top of just normal life which often fills our capacity to the brim anyway.

This means our brains have been perpetually telling our body to direct energy to deal with that threat. When we’ve been running at full capacity for a long time this can lead to our body feeling depleted, because it is! We are exhausted because our body has been in a state of high stress. We need time to rest and recover. But yet that’s not necessarily possible as we are still running at full capacity and still need that extra energy to help us manage through this. And ironically that exhaustion in itself uses up even more capacity: mustering up that required energy becomes all the harder and life seems more difficult as our capacity feels out of control and at risk of bubbling over.

There are many reasons your capacity will be used up right now as the Covid-19 pandemic continues. These are just some of the reasons you told me (thanks to all those that responded). Some key ways to manage capacity are:
•recognise the signs you are reaching full capacity.
•break things down so you can work out what you can tackle.
•don’t forgot to use your coping strategies.
•seek support when you can.
•kick unnecessary things out of your cup if possible.
•talk things through.
•prioritise breaks and rest and recovery periods (even just short ones)
•be kind to yourself and don’t beat yourself up for feeling bad or finding things difficult.
•look after the basics... eat and drink regularly, prioritise sleep and exercise.

15/04/2020

These are awesome daily questions.

"Being home 24/7 with kids, my attention is pulled in so many directions at once, and I end the day feeling like it just got away from me. I feel like I need some way to prioritize, so I know what to focus on!" - Anna

21/03/2020

I woke this morning to various messages on the street WhatsApp:

* Who are the older or vulnerable people on the street who may need us? Who is checking in with whom?
* An NHS worker offering others help, while he himself is being asked to work more
* A lawyer offering advice
* Parents offering books and DVDs
* Neighbours asking the NHS worker how they could take a load off his shoulders
* A techie neighbour who speaks all computer languages who will help with hardware issues to help us keep our new critical technology tools – and TVs! – in working order
* Another techie neighbour who will help with social media, A/V software questions so we can stay connected with relatives
* A neighbour with a car who is happy to run errands for those who otherwise would rely on public transport
* Messages of generosity, gratitude, acknowledgement, kindness

How cool is it that one street contains such a diverse range of skills and talents. Generosity abounds in this moment. While we may not get to see each other physically, we get to see each other now.

We also get to see ourselves: in a short WhatsApp message, we articulate: this is who I am. This is what I have to offer in this moment.

My husband read the list of Key Workers to the kids last night. It’s a long, long list. I’m not on it. It made me really think about what holds society together. There are several ways to react to not seeing oneself on that list ranging from feeling humbled to left-out to indignant to rebellious. Personally, I noticed all these whip through my own head in just a fleeting moment:

- I don’t count
- I don’t have any helpful skills
- I’m not good enough
- What about me?
- What have I been doing all my life?
- I’m not relevant
- I’m not business-critical
- I’ll show them

Each of those responses is completely understandable – and only a sliver of the range of possible reactions. For a lot of people identity is tightly weaved together with professional occupation. I mean, that’s how I’ve always rolled.

So I looked at my husband and said – not without a good dose of snarky sarcasm in my voice – “Well, every job I’ve ever done is not key to maintaining society.” Then I stopped and looked at the three humans looking back at me. Parenting. Partnering. Those are critical support roles.

I woke up this morning realising that what I do – and what many of us do – is critical to someone. It’s something only I can do – only I can be. It is the glue. It feels almost liberating – another chance to define myself and my contribution to the world.

These are scary, unsettling times, yes, but we are powerful. Our networks are powerful. I’ll be looking to my Book Clubs (how cool is it that we have a therapist in one group), Triathlon Club, class parents, family sub-groups, our street. I’ll be thinking in a new way about what do I have? What can I offer? Generosity is additive. Share who you are. Give what you do. Constraint breeds creativity. Bring it on.

20/03/2020

How can I help?

When a crisis hits, I want to help. I believe we all do. Our school parents’ association has set up a hub to support school families who may need help right now. Our parish council is setting up a community support network. NextDoor and our street’s awesome WhatsApp group are platforms for offering a hand. The council is organising neighbourhood support as well.

We all want to help!

Meanwhile, I was truly humbled (and, well, put in my place if I’m honest – but in a good way) when I read the list of Key Workers this morning.

How can I help?

Is it going to the grocery story or pharmacy to shop for those who can’t (but let’s be honest again: I hate shopping on a good day & being “medium-risk” I’m not totally sure that’s a great idea)? Is it delivering supplies to those who need it? Packing bags and boxes? Organising the supporter teams? This morning Zoe Williams pointed out (amongst many other valuable nuggets) that one of the best ways to care for our own wellbeing through this stressful time is to care for others. But How?

A few days ago, I was observing a master coach in a skills demonstration. The coaching topic was to do with making a choice about different ways to help in this crisis. He suggested the client put aside “how” and asked:

What are you best at?

It was like the yellow brick road emerged out of the fog. I’m best at coaching. I’m best at creating a supportive space to challenge others to clarify their priorities, structure their thinking, solve problems and take action to create new opportunities in uncertain times. That is the best way I can help our working parents and our society stay well and move ahead through this crisis. Today I’ll be trying to figure out how I can give that generously. I’ve already offered that no-fee as my way to help through the parent hub. I just saw Foundry Fitness in Twickenham is offering ‘karma pricing’ and I love that idea too. More on “How” later.

What are YOU best at?

19/03/2020

Who do you want to be during this time?

Last night, I asked a friend who is leading an organisation: what is the purpose of this organisation for the next 12 weeks? It’s usually crystal clear and would seem like an odd question – on a normal day. But now what, when the conditions that make that purpose possible have completely changed?

Purpose has likely changed or felt detached for many organisations and individuals. It’s one of the reasons this all feels so destabilising. It’s worth stopping to articulate that now.

* Who do I want to be today, as I homeschool the kids?
* Who do I want to be today, as I interact with all these extra humans in the house?
* Who do I want to be today, as I read and respond to emails and posts full of confused emotions?
* Who do I want to be today, as the sand shifts beneath my feet and I can’t take control like I usually do?
* Who do I want to be today, as I interpret official advice, friends’ experiences and my gut instinct to make decisions about the well-being of my family, friends, clients, service providers?
* Who do I want to be today, when I do interact with someone walking down the street (2 metres away of course!)?
* Who do I want to be today? And then tomorrow. And next week.

Please let me know. Let’s stay connected. Let’s stay well.

08/02/2018

Countless times while building my website and looking for images for blogs & articles, I've struggled to find realistic images depicting what it's really like to be committed to a career and a family - the spectrum of juggling the conflicting values and identity crises through to how it feels when it's working. It drives me nuts that so many of the photos I've come across whitewash the reality and further reinforce stereotypes. These types of stock photos can become an image of an ideal that someone will never live up to - something to beat ourselves over the head with. They can deliver the message that this dynamic is the only way it could work - and what if I don't want to work and live like that? I think it's very cool that this PR & Communications recruitment organisation noticed that and created their own photos with real people, which must lead to better conversations.

A comment on a LinkedIn post of mine earlier this week about images of working mothers in the media not helping the case for flexible working, drew a fa...

15/01/2018

On this dark, dreary, rainy 3rd Monday of January, are you feeling stuck in the squelchy mud or is the weather helping you focus on what you want to achieve mid-way through the month? What mindset do you choose? What small shift can you make to get unstuck?